This will be a separate journal for my workings with the Nabataean pantheon. I won’t update as frequently because I’ll have to re-organize and review some already written notes on my experiences from a while ago before I’ll throw in the more recent workings.
This journal won’t discuss possible relations to other pantheons or spirits (I am seldomly doing this for one or two good reasons) and as always:
Disclaimer: this is not a tutorial. My workings are mainly personal and my way of doing things is 80% intuitive. I am not a guru or a mouthpiece and I don’t hold any kind of interpretational sovereignty over anything.
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Have I shot myself into the foot with opening this journal? A little bit?
I’m not used to talk all too openly about my practice; even closer acquaintances aren’t too familiar with the “bigger picture” (right now I am aware that its a bit like showing all of your visitors your house but not every room).
I am forcing myself out of a comfort zone with this one, lets see how far this will come before I will take it behind the shed.
I don’t know how to properly start this without rambling about how I didn’t want to start something like this. At all. Maybe like this:
Its late April in 2019 and I have more pressing things to do than falling headfirst into something so far out of my league like pre-islamic kingdoms or arab tribes and their belief systems.
History is nice and stuff but have you ever taken back your mental and material independence with the help of “demons”? In between “tasting blood” for the first time, having the ambition of four coked up Borderline Collies and the attention span of a gnat there was simply no room for something that required nonrewarding self education. I was here for the success, not for an adult evening class. Or so I thought.
Its late April 2019 and something seems to see things a bit differently than I did.
Al-Uzza happened to me, completely out of the blue and unrelated while I was “feeling out” a piece of mineral I’ve intended to use for a project. I have never heard about that one before, considering that I don’t have any cultural or educational ties to the geographical area attributed to her. And yet: there she was. Or rather, there was her name. And for some funny reason the moon was there, as well (it was daytime). All in the blink of an eye. So intense, so fleeting. As if I made everything up for a second.
I have talked to someone about what hit me back then and now it just reads like I had a full on stroke while I was trying to express my thoughts.
It started a tiny and restrained research; what I could find so far wasn’t that appealing to me. Just another name that was left to collect dust after being usurped by another more successful PR campaign. Leave me alone with religion, mate. I’m in it for the money.
Two grey checkmarks next to the message at hand. It would take a hot minute to actually read into it.
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I wasn’t as deeply invested into pre-islamic lore as I am nowadays. When I’ve started to work with Al-Uzza I had only so much (conflicting) information.
Back then I knew that in Al-Tabaris "History of Prophets and Kings" was a section that described how Muhammad tried to reconcile with his former Quraysh tribe by installing Al-Uzza, Al-Lat and Manat as something that was okayish to worship alongside God.
According to Al-Tabari the surah in question was already completed, the worship of these three goddesses canonically fixed, some pagan tribes now happily accepting the prophets word. (Imagine todays exegesis of the Qu’ran if things would have stayed like this.)
Its not for me to decide if it was a loss in the end that the surah got scored out of the “finished product”. Their names didn’t vanish into eternal oblivion or anything like that. Collecting a bit of dust, maybe.
Go me, the spiritually/intellectually blind and hemiplegic autodidact with no knowledge about language, culture or anything close to something helpful while dusting them off.
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My first workings with Al-Uzza weren’t actual “workings”.
It was a long-drawn-out game of energetic ping-pong; contrary to my usual straightforwardness with new names I was over-cautious. Testing the waters would usually involve a short session of contact followed by a longer period of inactivity from my side. It simply took that long for me to process everything that was going on during these short time frames.
Her energy felt overwhelming to me, each and every time. There was no casual exchange of informations; the lady would simply enmesh me with visuals, words and insights that weren’t mine. Too much for me to handle and I had better things to do anyway, right?
So off to the backburner it goes.
In the meantime I was pretending to fill the periods of inactivity with research about the Nabataean kingdom and its predominant religion together with notes I’ve taken out of the Kitab al Asnam, a heavily religious coloured narrative that takes a closer look at pre-islamic beliefs and idolatry.
One passage struck me especially:
Abu Uhayha (of the Quraysh) was taken sick by what proved to be his last and fatal sickness.
As he lay on his deathbed, Abu Lahab asked “What makes you weep? Is it death which is inevitable?”
Abu Uhayha replied :" No. But I fear that Al-Uzza will not be worshipped after I depart."
Abu Lahab answered and said: “By god! Al-Uzza was not worshipped during your lifetime for your sake and her worship will not be discontinued after you depart because of your death.”
I could relate to this kind of affection for a spirit/deity and it moved me deeply (it probably wasn’t the authors intention to inspire compassion for the antagonists. Sorry, man).
After contemplating over this story I decided to simply let go during the next upcoming session. “The powerful” didn’t sound too generic and vague inside of my mind, for the first time.
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As I’ve mentioned earlier in this topic already I have no actual heritage that could provide me with a little headstart when it comes to working with deities far outside of my geographical and cultural roots. Back then I kept my findings to myself, so there was no active exchange of informations between other people. Filling the blanks with historical context helped my mind a big deal but I wanted to establish a permanent tangible connection along the way. I needed something I could see or touch (I am a tactile mofo, I need to touch stuff. Good luck with taking me to the hardware store and getting me through the lamps department with all of its switches and buttons).
I know that these things are - to some extent- just that: things. They aren’t exactly needed for communication or making your practice more powerful. But being able to focus on a thing (like an object, a picture, a sound or even only so much as a letter) is helping me to anchor myself in the immediate moment before I drift off into a stable meditative stage. I wanted to give Al-Uzza the same “starting conditions” that are kind of a standard for my workings with other entities.
I was incredibly lucky to get my hands on this little piece:
This little bit of brass is a replica from a square limestone that was found inside the Temple of Winged Lions in Petra (back then an ancient Nabataean city):
It is believed by historians that this stone was used as an object of worship for the goddess Al-Uzza. Until there isn’t any kind of really surprising plot twist I will use “Block god” as my symbolical gateway whenever I am conversing with Al-Uzza.
I expanded my workings to Dushara and Al-Qaum, in the meantime (this year I had to employ all three of them for a specific task. I am contemplating about whether to write down how the meeting at hand went or if its TOO far in UPG land). Because of this I needed something that could symbolize the working with the overall pantheon while being also directly rooted to the area at hand.
I was able to purchase this:
Its an original coin (dated to 101 AD) that was used in Petra as a currency, made out of bronze.
It travelled in nabataean pockets, was carried by nabataean hands and probably fell on nabataean soil more than once. If this isn’t as close as it gets to “rooted to the area itself” I don’t know what is.
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My first “real” working with Al-Uzza consisted of a shitload of introspection.
Her energetic signature pulled at certain strings inside of my psyche that are a case for a therapist and my (lounged away) main journal. I don’t want to go too deep into this but lets just say that her “motherly” interpreted aspect unlocked memories that had been overdue for a thoroughly review (and soul crushing trauma work. Bonjour.). Until now I haven’t fully accepted what she would be able to bring to me.
But what about “hands on”-results?
The thing is that these are a subject of self-censorship. The few who are in the know: you know. I will try nonetheless to describe what has been done and how. With some forum friendly alterations 
My first “hands on”-results correlated with a certain group of people who followed a certain belief system that might or might not have originated in a certain period of time as a certain subject of worship before the plot got overwritten.
I had no ill intentions against this group, I simply acted on historical intersection points to make them do something during a limited time frame (which made them receptive to this kind of working).
(now thats what I call vague)
I called on Al-Uzza and asked her for her historical “sway” over this group, binding them to a request in favour of acting in a civil manner. I used simple white candles as a carrier of this binding, carving words of commands into them (which held a certain weight in this group).
Something happened on the spot:
while carving these words I could feel a sharp burning in the palm of my right hand, like scratches. I ignored the sensation until I lit the candles. When I looked into the palm of my right hand I could see red scratch marks or patterns in my skin, they actually hurted. I took it as a sign that something didn’t like the idea of binding this group to my request.
The group in question acted as planned and for a limited time frame their behaviour contributed to something overall better. Al-Uzza used her old and forgotten link to this belief system in the most constructive and benelovent way, preserving physical integrity on both sides of the fence.
This very story will be the subject of a really awkward and uncomfortable conversation that I will have with someone, some day.
Until then I will describe what I did with Al-Uzza and waterways, in my next entry. 
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