Journal for discovering my spiritual origins

So okay… This will be for trying to find this out and piece the pieces together. Also now I feel that this phase of my path is about finding out my origins or what I was before earth and getting my power back. So I will first write down what I know till now and then I will post updates when I will find something.

So let’s start from beggining. So when I started working with Lilith I meditated on her on evenings. And one time I heard like she called me: “Our Celia.” I didn’t think it of this much, but next I asked her was Celia is. I don’t have sences so I get answers in my dreams. And I saw an angel princess? White short hair, brown eyes, and white wings. And of cource I thought that this is who i was.

But before Lilith stuff I had terrible mental loop for couple months that I am Lucifer’s daughter. And every time I talked with him about this, I almost always whould dream that I am his daughter, and sometimes that I am hell’s princess. So I pushed this as ego. So I putted this topic for the future when I could ask him face to face about this. And of course I thought that I couldn’t handle this for now.

Not so long now, maybe a month ago I watched a E. A. Koetting video “Why Belial brought you here.” Or something fammiliar, because now even Belial reached out to me🙄 In the video I heard name Lydia or I thought I did. And Lydia is a name of my spiritual siister it seems. So I thought about this name, and then another name came to my head. Celestina. I thought that it could be the same Ceilia which I know. And it seems she is angel of healling, which is fitting for me, because I have some healing abilities(?) And always had a connection to healling. So a healing angel seemed logic. Also my mom said that she looks similar to me. So I decided to talk with her using tarot cards. I had doubts so I asked Lilith if this would be the right path and should I connect with Celestina. And I didn’t get a direct draem, but when I woke up I thought that I should connect with her.

So I talked with her and it seems Celstina is my spiritual name(?) And she is somehow a part of me. Okay I was confused, it’s obvious, but I have alot of doubts. I wasn’t meditating with Lucifer at that moment, cause I wanted to focus on King Paimon, Lilith and now King Belial. But then I saw a hooded figure reaching out his hand. I felt it was Lucifer and that he wanted me to recconect with him. So meditated with him, and I heard that he wanted to meet me in the black tower. Which is a meditaion by satanandsons. So when I arrived we started dancing, and then he burned me to ashes with the black flame. And then I was reborn to my true form(?) Like this: ( I don’t how to add pictures so I will try to decribe it.) A fallen angel with huge purple black wings, long black hair, and a purple armor dress thing. And a sword. We talked. He confirmed my spiritual name and about Celestina. When I wanted to talk aboit daughtter stuff I stopped myself. And he said like king Paimon that I will gęt the answers in the future. Also that I am a draconian spirit and he will initiate me in the draconian magic when the time will come.

And now with most recent. I came back from a journey with my family and watched some youtube. And I heard “Message from archangel Michael” I looked on pick a card videos, but nothing resonated. I am very confused with Micheal. When I think about him I get very weird and strange feelings about him: it feels familiar or a connection, but at the same time I don’t really like him so I try to deny. Also I think he might have a connection with Celestina, cause every dream with her he was there. And also after talking with Celestina I asked for a dream if what I understood was real. And got this: I was fighting Micheal. Then we stopped. A song about home started to repeat in my head. I looked at him, started to cry, and we hugged. And he said: “You are home. You are finally home.” So I think this could also mean something. And before going to bed I decided to ask about the connection, or if he wants to tell me something. I got a dream where he said: “There is a connection, but you are destroying it by denying it.” To be honest I don’t deny nor accept this. I am just confused. So Probably I will meditate next week on him, so I’ll see where this will lead me. In the past I always fought with myself and called every thought an ego. I even got a dream with King Paimon saying that everything what I think is ego, is not actually ego. But now I starting to believe this as a possibility bit by bit. Am trying to surrender to the flow. Of course having abit of logic still.

So this what I have till now. I am sorry this is long, but I wanted to put thoughts about this in one place. And probably I sound like a delusional teenager, but I am trying to be serious on this path and work with these beeings (not just on this). Also it’s what and how I feel. Sorry if it was hard to understand.

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So this is what I “Discovered” previous week.

So in Lilith’s meditation I “saw” why I am on earth. It seems that whenever I was before earth I still had this darkness which I have now. And going to earth I isolated myself. I protected my people from darkness that sleeps inside of me.Also it feels that I had this darknes for a lot of lifetimes. Lucifer didn’t want this and my imagination even made him cry. But I had to do this even if I knew that on earth there will be pain for me. Then Lucifer like sent two beeings to find me…? And couple of days before this I imagined or saw two dark shadowy figures calling me a princess or something. In the Lucifer mediation, His siggil turned into fire, then he turned into fire. A fire figure which I knew was him, reached out his hands, and said: “Come back home.” I know that I decided to learn my past or something, but this is just ridiculous. It’s my ego, but the more I think about this, the more it looks possible. The fuck is wrong with me!?

A.Micheal. so It looks like me or Celestina were lovers with him. Marriage. But then I or she chose darkness and like left him? It was like flashes of “memory” so for now Idk if this was real. Also I saw celestina next to me and she looked scared of him for some reason. Also that Lucifer and Michael ar both my patrons🙄 And then Some more happy wedding memorry stuff😅

Yesterday: (meditation)

I saw angel K.Paimon and angel Lucifer. Both reaching out theyr hands.:roll_eyes: I brushed it off as noncences. I heard: “Your experiences are valid.” In the end I again saw that, but this time they said: “Come”. I came, grabbed theyr hands. They sent white angelic light trough my hands. I started to trash around, but they did not let go of my hands. Then I calmed down. And the energy turned me into a white angel(?) They said that this will be my form (?) during those meditations. At the end I thought how I will do the meditations if I brush everything off as noncences. And then I was: “Fuck it. I give up. I letting go of control.” Then I remembered thing from Belial’s book where he said: “You were never in control.” And another thing. It’s not me controling what I see in those meditations as I fear, but the spirits who control what I see. Which is what I hope.

So probbably I will start today with those meditations. I plan on starting with Lilith and ending with King Belial. I will ask these questions: I will ask the spirit to show my past(?) from theyr perspective. Then what do I need to know about this. And then what is theyr reliationship with me or Celestina. I also plan doing meditation with her too. So yeah I think I just need to relax, quiten my mind and to not force anything, which probbaly will be a problem. I plan to reasearch about quiten the mind, and right before that meditation to do quieten the mind meditation. Something like that. I said that if it will be true it’s good if not, it will still be a good chapter in my book. So win-win situation. And also I think why I need to learn now and not in the future. I think this is because of my trust. This situation is for me to trust my feelings and what I recieve. I thinking how I will do this if I can’t trust this. But at the same time I can’t imagine a better situation to get my trust😅