Journal for discovering my spiritual origins

[Gamegirl8]

So okay… This will be for trying to find this out and piece the pieces together. Also now I feel that this phase of my path is about finding out my origins or what I was before earth and getting my power back. So I will first write down what I know till now and then I will post updates when I will find something.

So let’s start from beggining. So when I started working with Lilith I meditated on her on evenings. And one time I heard like she called me: “Our Celia.” I didn’t think it of this much, but next I asked her was Celia is. I don’t have sences so I get answers in my dreams. And I saw an angel princess? White short hair, brown eyes, and white wings. And of cource I thought that this is who i was.

But before Lilith stuff I had terrible mental loop for couple months that I am Lucifer’s daughter. And every time I talked with him about this, I almost always whould dream that I am his daughter, and sometimes that I am hell’s princess. So I pushed this as ego. So I putted this topic for the future when I could ask him face to face about this. And of course I thought that I couldn’t handle this for now.

Not so long now, maybe a month ago I watched a E. A. Koetting video “Why Belial brought you here.” Or something fammiliar, because now even Belial reached out to me🙄 In the video I heard name Lydia or I thought I did. And Lydia is a name of my spiritual siister it seems. So I thought about this name, and then another name came to my head. Celestina. I thought that it could be the same Ceilia which I know. And it seems she is angel of healling, which is fitting for me, because I have some healing abilities(?) And always had a connection to healling. So a healing angel seemed logic. Also my mom said that she looks similar to me. So I decided to talk with her using tarot cards. I had doubts so I asked Lilith if this would be the right path and should I connect with Celestina. And I didn’t get a direct draem, but when I woke up I thought that I should connect with her.

So I talked with her and it seems Celstina is my spiritual name(?) And she is somehow a part of me. Okay I was confused, it’s obvious, but I have alot of doubts. I wasn’t meditating with Lucifer at that moment, cause I wanted to focus on King Paimon, Lilith and now King Belial. But then I saw a hooded figure reaching out his hand. I felt it was Lucifer and that he wanted me to recconect with him. So meditated with him, and I heard that he wanted to meet me in the black tower. Which is a meditaion by satanandsons. So when I arrived we started dancing, and then he burned me to ashes with the black flame. And then I was reborn to my true form(?) Like this: ( I don’t how to add pictures so I will try to decribe it.) A fallen angel with huge purple black wings, long black hair, and a purple armor dress thing. And a sword. We talked. He confirmed my spiritual name and about Celestina. When I wanted to talk aboit daughtter stuff I stopped myself. And he said like king Paimon that I will gęt the answers in the future. Also that I am a draconian spirit and he will initiate me in the draconian magic when the time will come.

And now with most recent. I came back from a journey with my family and watched some youtube. And I heard “Message from archangel Michael” I looked on pick a card videos, but nothing resonated. I am very confused with Micheal. When I think about him I get very weird and strange feelings about him: it feels familiar or a connection, but at the same time I don’t really like him so I try to deny. Also I think he might have a connection with Celestina, cause every dream with her he was there. And also after talking with Celestina I asked for a dream if what I understood was real. And got this: I was fighting Micheal. Then we stopped. A song about home started to repeat in my head. I looked at him, started to cry, and we hugged. And he said: “You are home. You are finally home.” So I think this could also mean something. And before going to bed I decided to ask about the connection, or if he wants to tell me something. I got a dream where he said: “There is a connection, but you are destroying it by denying it.” To be honest I don’t deny nor accept this. I am just confused. So Probably I will meditate next week on him, so I’ll see where this will lead me. In the past I always fought with myself and called every thought an ego. I even got a dream with King Paimon saying that everything what I think is ego, is not actually ego. But now I starting to believe this as a possibility bit by bit. Am trying to surrender to the flow. Of course having abit of logic still.

So this what I have till now. I am sorry this is long, but I wanted to put thoughts about this in one place. And probably I sound like a delusional teenager, but I am trying to be serious on this path and work with these beeings (not just on this). Also it’s what and how I feel. Sorry if it was hard to understand.

[Gamegirl8]

So this is what I “Discovered” previous week.

So in Lilith’s meditation I “saw” why I am on earth. It seems that whenever I was before earth I still had this darkness which I have now. And going to earth I isolated myself. I protected my people from darkness that sleeps inside of me.Also it feels that I had this darknes for a lot of lifetimes. Lucifer didn’t want this and my imagination even made him cry. But I had to do this even if I knew that on earth there will be pain for me. Then Lucifer like sent two beeings to find me…? And couple of days before this I imagined or saw two dark shadowy figures calling me a princess or something. In the Lucifer mediation, His siggil turned into fire, then he turned into fire. A fire figure which I knew was him, reached out his hands, and said: “Come back home.” I know that I decided to learn my past or something, but this is just ridiculous. It’s my ego, but the more I think about this, the more it looks possible. The fuck is wrong with me!?

A.Micheal. so It looks like me or Celestina were lovers with him. Marriage. But then I or she chose darkness and like left him? It was like flashes of “memory” so for now Idk if this was real. Also I saw celestina next to me and she looked scared of him for some reason. Also that Lucifer and Michael ar both my patrons🙄 And then Some more happy wedding memorry stuff😅

Yesterday: (meditation)

I saw angel K.Paimon and angel Lucifer. Both reaching out theyr hands. I brushed it off as noncences. I heard: “Your experiences are valid.” In the end I again saw that, but this time they said: “Come”. I came, grabbed theyr hands. They sent white angelic light trough my hands. I started to trash around, but they did not let go of my hands. Then I calmed down. And the energy turned me into a white angel(?) They said that this will be my form (?) during those meditations. At the end I thought how I will do the meditations if I brush everything off as noncences. And then I was: “Fuck it. I give up. I letting go of control.” Then I remembered thing from Belial’s book where he said: “You were never in control.” And another thing. It’s not me controling what I see in those meditations as I fear, but the spirits who control what I see. Which is what I hope.

So probbably I will start today with those meditations. I plan on starting with Lilith and ending with King Belial. I will ask these questions: I will ask the spirit to show my past(?) from theyr perspective. Then what do I need to know about this. And then what is theyr reliationship with me or Celestina. I also plan doing meditation with her too. So yeah I think I just need to relax, quiten my mind and to not force anything, which probbaly will be a problem. I plan to reasearch about quiten the mind, and right before that meditation to do quieten the mind meditation. Something like that. I said that if it will be true it’s good if not, it will still be a good chapter in my book. So win-win situation. And also I think why I need to learn now and not in the future. I think this is because of my trust. This situation is for me to trust my feelings and what I recieve. I thinking how I will do this if I can’t trust this. But at the same time I can’t imagine a better situation to get my trust😅

[Gamegirl8]

So I did the first meditation…

Lilith meditation.

I started with her. She came from darkness and took my hand. When we walked she said that she was glad that I decided to learn about my past. She led me to her temple and I saw the black rose symbol on the wall. Which I saw the first time I was here. It seems it was my room full of rose symbolism. We talked. I asked if she was my mother. “Not exacly, but yes.” She told me that when I went to earth that Lucifer was very sad, and “broken”. And that he blamed himself that he couldn’t help me with the darkness. I didn’t really believe this, it’s too far streched. And she carresed my face and said: “It’s true. You were very dear to him.” I found some dusty diary and some snakes. It seems I was always liked by snakes😅 I asked her how it all began. “Follow me.” She led me to an emty wall with a hidden door. When I walked trough it I appeared in like a black cave with a crystal clear water in the middle. " This is the water of time. It holds your memories." We got under the water and appeared in heaven. It was the time of the great fall. I saw myself from outside. I was a white angel, with beutifull white dress, wings, brown hair and light blue eyes. In the distance we saw Lucifer and King Paimon flying. But then Lucifer saw me and landed next to me. I wanted to fight alongside him. At first he rejected the idea, but then he let me. “You know we will see Micheal. It’s inevitable.” “I know. He will be alright.” And I always talked that I chose him and will fight with him. Then we arrived at the palace. Lucifer declared a war to heaven. Micheal was near the throne. He was angry. He said that I betrayed him. I said: “I am not betraying you, I just choosing a better way. Come with me my love.” But he just slashed me with his blade. Lucifer was instantly at my side. “I am fine father.” Micheal showed a little remorse. We flew out. I said: “You know that they will not let us go so easilly.” “Yes. We must prepare for the war.” I got my armor and sword, but they were still angelic. Then we came face to face with Micheal and his angels. “Micheal.” “Lucifer.” And then he turned to me with a litle softer face. “Celestina.” I didn’t answer. “You are an angel of healing you shouldn’t be fighting! You were our sister and my lover! How can you do this?!” “I am not betraying you. Like I said I am just choosing a better path.” And then he condemned me to hell. “I will not be condemned without a fight!” And then I attacked him. We thought. I injured him and him - me. At the end we both got backup. And then he really banished me from heaven. I fell and Lucifer after me. I fell on white roses. I turned to roses and said: “I choose darkness.” Lucifer warned me: “Are you sure? There is no way back.” “Yes” And then roses turned black and I got my fallen angel form. Lilith said that this will be what she will show. Others will show the rest. She said that white roses symbolise when I was still an angel. And black roses symbolise my fall. That’s why roses were always my symbol. I can’t even explain. She was so happy that I try to know this or something. Also she said that at the end Lucifer and Belial will be waiting for me and I will crowned as princess. But first I need to discover the truth. “I am so glad you are back. We feared that we lost you forever.” I assured her that this time I am not going anywhere. I asked what I should know from this. “Don’t give up. You have been trough a lot worse.” And then asked with which next spirit I should continue. “Your father. Lucifer.” “Oh-h okay…” I was like nervous? “Everything will be alright.” It was akward to ask for dreams, cause I already asked for a lot of them. But this is the way I assure these stuff. I asked for the dream if what I saw was real and if she really came. “Okay. But in the future you will manage to trust on your own. You will not need dreams.” I hugged her, thanked her. And before walking out she gave me a black feather cape which I would see in meditations. And then I walked out.

So I got the dream… I dreamt that I was her daughter ad that she came. So what now? This is really happening?!

[KnowingtheSource]

What is the womb?

[Gamegirl8]

The cave

[Gamegirl8]

Lucifer meditation.

He also came from the darkness. I heard: “Daughter, you finaly returned.” Or something like that. Then he led me to a forest. I asked If I am really his daughter. “Yes, my dear.” Then we walked deeper into the forest. We stopped to some ancient statues(?) and a lava pool, which I saw in the first meditation with him. “Lava pool like in your tower.” “Yes.” “So what we are going to melt again?” I joked a bit. “Yup.” I walked into it, but I was immune. We appered near some palace with a yard. It was night and you could see a universe in the sky. “This doesn’t look like infernal empire.” “It isn’t. It’s one of many places of mine in the astral.” While we walked he said that he grows black roses to remind him of my fall. At the entrance there were two guards who looked at me coldly(?) And I looked scared but Lucifer whispered in my ear: “Do not be afraid. You are a princess. " and then led me to my room which was the same as in Lilith’s meditation. So after he led me to the roof(?) With a pool of water. It wasn’t the memory water or something. We just stood and he talked about my past. He said that everyone were dying to meet me, and when I was crowned I was worshipped. " Great. Ego” i said. “I’ts not your ego.” I was also very likeable, and often I would run from the palace to my own little place, but I would always come back when I should. I was responsible, not like now😅 I asked about the darkness. He said that I was sleeping and something just clicked. I was very afraid to harm anyone. Like now. And the only option I saw was too go to earth. “But what is so special about this darkness?” He said that it was inner darkness. When I was in heaven I wasn’t meant to have this darkness, so when I fell it was only a matter of time before it would awaken. He was already in harmony with his darkness, but I was just beggining. “I couldn’t help you. You needed to battle this on your own.” “You can’t be sad of what was my mistake. It was my choice to go to earth.” “But I can’t help it. You were one of my favourites and powerfull too.” I just can’t. This was too much noncences. I sat down. “What the fuck? This is noncence”. I just mumbled and mumbled. He came next to me: “It’s not noncence. I am always with you. Apart of you, like you are a part of me. " I understood: “I am Lucifer and Lucifer is me.” “That’s right.” Then we hugged, and he held me in his arms. I asked if I was already crowned in the past, why I need to be crowned again. " Because you forgot your birthright. And now you need to remember it again.” I was like again with noncences. And again he said: “It’s not! I will proof it to you.” He showed the ring which I also have. The one where I got on my birthday, and believe it was gift from him. And showed the same birthmark on his hand as mine. If you can call it a birthmark. I don’t know why this should be proof? But whatever. I asked what I should know. “Trust. Trust yourself and trust this experience.” “Dude! I can’t!” And he reapeated it again: “Trust! Trust yourself and trust this experience.” And the next spirit he said to continue with is Celestina. So okay… that was a lot of noncences😬. At the end I asked for a dream for affirmation. At the end we stood face to face" Thankyou… Father. For everything." We hugged. “It’s my pleasure dear.” And before going back he materialised a metal rose as a gift😊. And I walked out soon after.

So it looks like noncence right? My logic mind says it is this. But when I think about I feel deep down that it could be true. And I feel more and more like Celestina, or my true self(?) the more I learn about it. So with Lucifer I dreamt a blue butterfly which symbolises birth/rebirth and change. Usually. And also it feels that when I was trying to fall asleep I heard in my head that everything was truth or something simmilliar to this. Also I dreamt that Lilith wanted to make a pact with me, for my trust stuff(?).

[Gamegirl8]

Celestina meditation.

This time it was light. Of course she is angel​:roll_eyes:. She grabbed my hands and said: “You’ve been trough so much, but now from this day forward it will become better.” “Whoa what the fuck! I didn’t been trough so much.” “You don’t think so, but actually you had.” We walked some. We were like in heaven. I asked her: "What are you to me? " “I am your spirit.” “What the fuck.” I asked her how she bacame a part of me. She made a ball of light and showed me. I saw her as a baby, and later in the fall looking from behind some building. We were both angels of healing and we had the same names, so we were compatible. She wanted to become a part of me. And To help me. "Help me with what? " “With the darkness which would be coming.” "Does Lucifer know, that you are a part of me?. “Of course he does.” She showed me that Lucifer didn’t even let her come near me after the fall. But I did. I accepted her and let her become a part of me. Then she walked inside of me. I fell down from the impact and my eyes started to glow light blue. After this she said that we also are twin souls? We were seperated on our birth, but now we are united. She isn’t like my sister? But Lydia is our sister. “Wait you know Lydia?” “Of course​:grin:.” She didn’t say much about her, just said that now she is my guardian angel. I asked her what effect darkness has on her. She said that is destroying her? She tried to break trough, but I wouldn’t listen to her. “Wait so the positive thoughts I would hear was you?” “Yes, the darkness made you forget me and your nature.” I asked what I should need to know. “Trust.” “Why all of you saying to fucking trust?!” “Because you ca n’t accept this, if you don’t trust. And you willl need to accept when time will come for Belial.” “Fuck.” Then I asked about Micheal. “Is he really our lover?” “Yes.” “Are you are afraid of him?” “No, I was just hurt when he banished us. He didin’t even listen. But I still love him, and I know that he still loves us.” Then I saw Luca. My fammiliar(?). But this time he was a white cat. “Wait what Luca is doing here?” “He was always with you. When you turned to demons, he became a black cat.” “Wait I thought that he was a gift from Belial?” “He brought him back to you.” We sat down, then after I saw my guardian dragon Nightmare. I also asked what he was doing here. “He came to see how you progress.” I touched his snout, and then I wanted to cry. I started to feel more like her, or me. “I feel more like you, and I want to cry.” “That’s good, you are remebering your true self.” “But I want to cry.” (It was happy tears) “It’s okay, you can cry.” We hugged. As a gift she gave me positive energy by kissing my forehead(?) “I will give you positive energy. You will need it after the darkness. You will remember that you are loved by us.” We hugged again.( The next spirit to talk is Micheal) “I will probbaly be going now.” "Till we meet again. And I walked out.

With Celestina I dreamt sea. “Sea is the symbol of calmness, peace, spirituality and emotional balance. The moving sea waves know a lot about your inner feelings. Let’s find out what they mean in your dreams: Symbolism: The sea mainly symbolizes your calm mind, fluctuating emotions and internal strength.”

[Gamegirl8]

King. Paimon. Meditation

So I think I fucked this up. I couldn’t really imagine anything, I was panicking , and what I Saw was noncences usually. So he came in a dessert with his camel of course, and got me on it. Also he was glad that I try to learn this. He said that we are going to the same cave, which I was with him the first meditation with him. The cave almost the same as Lilith’s: black cave, with crystal water in the middle. While we traveled I asked is he my brother. “Yes.” “Fuck.” “It’s true, accept it.” “Do you fucking hear what is beeing said?! How can I trust when there is so much noncences! Yeah if I really would be the sister of the great King Paimon​:roll_eyes:.” I was a bit angry. He calmed me down and affirmed that he is my brother. We reached the cave. He talked about some kind of huge power inside me or something. I have dark and light like Lucifer and all of them. Well of course everyone has that. Also said that in the heaven theyr waiting for me or the fuck? “Dude they banished me. I wouldn’t be wanted in there.” At some point I also asked If jahwey had something with me, or something. He said that he was angry, tried to get me, but they protected me. “Why do you need to protect me? It not like I have something.” “Yes, but your special.” (Omg when I am writting this down I am so fucking irritated with myself. And he also now sounds as Lucifer who usually and talked on how fucking special I am !.) When I said that I fucked up that I can’t imagine anything more or something, he answered: “It’s okay you already know everything you need to know.” He had to finish talking about my past and prepare me for tomorrow(?). He said that tomorrow with Belial I will need to accept this what I had experienced, and stop the denial. (Even Belial called me out for this ,one time.) There will be my coronation and I will get my power back​:roll_eyes:. Then a fucking tree of life appeared and he said to ground myself under it. Instantly I became calmer. We talked some more. Some about my noncences or something. And I apologised for milinions of times that I fucked this up​:sweat_smile:. He woukd say that I didn’t or that I am beeing too hard on myself. He wanted to give me something, but I stopped: “thank you, I don’t need gifts. Don’t want to be selfish.” But still at the end he gave me an amethyst necklase. He said that amethyst is my stone or something(?). It’s hard to remember, because I talked a lot of noncences. I write down the important things or something. I am just irrritating and angry. I am irrittating because he talked that I am special and have this huge power, which I really don’t have. I am just tired of hearing this. I couldn’t be like this… And of course I am angry at myself, not at him…

[Gamegirl8]

King Belial meditaion.

So he came from darkness. “So you liked the adventure? " “I don’t know I was panicking a lot. Also exuse my panic.” “There is no reason to panic.” Then I asked: “what now?” “First of all Luca and Nightmare (my guardian dragon) will be with you.” And they appeared from behind me. “And now you need to accept.” I said that I am not worthy and about noncences. “This is what is pulling you down.” “I swear, if you will talk about how special I am or about my power, I will really fucking slap you!” He laughed: “I’d like to see you try.” While I was trying to accept it he was standing and smirking at me. " King Belial. I-I. I accept this!” He came and puttted his hands on my shoulders and shocked me? I felt shivers trough my body. “Splendid! Now go there. The servants will prepare you. I will be waiting with Lucifer at the alter.” So they prepared me and I was in my fallen angel form. Also Celestina from inside me started to talk" “Finally! I knew you could make trough this. I am proud of you!.” So I went to the alter and kneled down. And then probbaly Lucifer started talking. “The return of princess Celestina, who sacrifised herself to protect us by going to earth. And after a lot of lifetimes finally she returned.” (Something similar to this) “Do you accept to be the princess of hell and protect your people?” “Yes.” “Do you accept to beeing my daughter?” “Yes father.” “And do you promise to fucking trust in yourself a bit, like we want you too.” (He wasn’t angry while saying this." “…Yes.” “then You are crowned as princess of hell. Princess Celestina.” And Belial putted a tiara on my head. Then I turned around and there were everyone. Lucifer, Belial, Lilith, King Paimon, Micheal, my spirit guide, and my animal guides😁. I turned to my people. I said something to saying that I returned, not going anywhere this time. And I will try to be the princess they deserve. Then they all led me to my little place. It was dark, pond in the middle. And full of sakura trees. I wanted to make this place my astral temple😅. Also it was said that tbe next step is to work on my femininty and self love with Lililth. And on the darkness. Also Lucifer said that in me sleeps a powerfull black dragon, and they will help to awaken in when I will be initiated into the magic. Also after this my power will come back piece by piece. It was something like that😅 So what it seems this journey is over and a new probably will start😁

I dreamt very weird dreams🤔 First I was going to hell, or I needed to, with Lucifer and King Belial. These dreams were seperate. And another which I can’t get out of my head,because it’s so weird… There was a legend of some woman and a heart of time in hell. And then there was that woman in some monster den beeing eaten,and without her lowerbody. Omg I felt presure,almost pain in my legs, that’s why I woke up. In the dream she said: “Soon another will inherit the heart of time in hell.”