Journal 39: How The Occult Granted Me My Dream Life

Hello, BALG community. Please don’t read if you are allergic to long posts, or if you don’t care about the spiritual progress of others. I do not wish to waste your time. This post will actually be a series of mini-posts in one.

I’ll first start off by saying this…

This will be the last public post that I make, as beyond this point nothing more needs to be said. I could post all the astral journeys I’ve had thus far on my magickal development, but that would only be boring and crowd this forum with unnecessary information.

It is with great pleasure to announce to you all, that my life has done a complete 180. Using occult knowledge and the help of many spirits and some folks on this very forum, I have given myself massive physical, financial, mental, emotional, and spiritual success.

The intention of this journal is not intended to brag, though I know it may seem like it. That isn’t my intention. That’s just the nature of “success stories”. The material gifts of the Infernal are merely toys to me now, as they’ve gifted me something infinitely greater…spiritual growth. I only hope to motivate the one (or few) lost, broken individuals reading this post, as requested by my higher self. So to finally answer the question…

Why Did I Go Ghost?

Folks managed to find my Instagram and bombard me with “where the fuck are you?” DMs. Not that you should care…though the comments on my posts over the years say otherwise. Let me finally explain.

My last login in 2020…was the time when all of my manifestations began happening at an incredibly fast rate. It was scary, in a good way. The more magickally “advanced” I got, the more things seemed to be going my way. As expected.

Money…power…connections to powerful people…women… it was all racking up. I was amazed at all the things I was manifesting. Within months, it seemed like my life was reversing its destructive direction. I was becoming the ‘painter of my own life’. “Is it truly this easy with magick?” I told myself. I almost came here and wrote of the good news all those years ago.

That is until Lucifer literally stopped me in my tracks.

During one evocation in which I spoke of telling how great my progress was going, he thought me foolish of doing such a thing. “Take a long, long break” he said. “Don’t post. Don’t interact with anyone. Don’t you even think about telling of your successes this early. Do you want someone to sabotage it?”

I never seen him so serious. But he was right, and I am glad that I listened to him. Humans…are honestly crabs in a barrel. I noticed that about this species. Whenever someone “makes it to the top”, it triggers an emotion that seems so prevalent in the lives of people. Envy.

I understood Lucifer’s logic, and decided to keep quiet completely. During that time, I disconnected myself from the world and went into extremely deep esoteric study. I voraciously read up on every mystery tradition that I could and expanded my knowledge (and life) 10-fold. I would only come back once I absolutely knew I had everything I could possibly want with magick.

Who Was I Before “Magick Occult Man”?

To put it simply, I was a loser.

You probably know a loser in your life. Someone who sits around all day doing squat instead of improving their life…or drinking all of their problems away…someone who is inactive in the evolutionary process of consciousness. It may be a friend, a coworker, a brother, sister…or it may be you. And it is necessary to admit that.

Before ever discovering the esoteric, I was one of those folks. I remember it vividly…all those hours sitting around and playing videogames for twelve hours a day. Moping around…sleeping, Netflix-binging, living out of a literal shed. Not a care in the world about my own personal life, and how well I was doing in the real world. In the virtual world, I was a god. I remember in one video game, an MMORPG, I was rank 20 in the entire world. When you play that long, of course you will be. It did nothing for me. The more embodied I was in these virtual worlds, the more my real-life suffered.

After playing the video games, it was straight to the “sexual video content”. I’d watch it daily, Pleasuring myself foolishly to men implanting women who I couldn’t even get in my dreams. Of all the things that could ruin my brain, this one was the most damaging, physiologically and psychologically. I didn’t like the fact that I was watching it. I knew it was a band-aid. I knew I kept cucking myself. I knew that I was too much of a loser in the real world to have a woman even breathe around me. I was…pathetic.

The junkfood made it no better. I was slightly overweight during those times. Though that got better as I arrived on these sorts of forums.

I lived the average life of what one would term an “incel”. Hiding away in a dark room. Literally hating women, only because I couldn’t get them myself. Being depressed and lonely. Skipping out on outings with friends just because I couldn’t handle the social interaction. God, I still remember it vividly…while everyone else was out having fun, enjoying themselves, I was in my room either browsing social media or self-pleasuring. I remember one night of this, I cried harder than I had ever have. The thoughts of “you’re going to be like this forever” and “you’re going to die in this state, and no one will ever remember you” plagued my mind during those depressing times all those years ago.

A careerless…sexless…depressed…lonely…weakling. If I could sum up my past self, these would be the exact words. Now that you know where I came from, how did I manage to turn all of this around using esoteric knowledge from the year 2020 onward?

Saturation-Bombed My Mind With Psychedelic Medicines

I didn’t find these things. They found me. I suppose they were tired of me being an asshole.

These things are quite literally…gifts from God. And humans decided to make them illegal in some areas of the world. I am so grateful that these spirit-helpers found me in such a dark time. I have gotten more therapy from those substances than any psychiatrist could give me in the span of five years. They helped me to see the world from the view of the Divine. The heroic dose of mushrooms is an experience that is indescribable to the human mind. Never had I experienced something so beautiful, let alone knowing that such a level of beauty was even possible. Synchronicities became a lot stronger after these experiences. Perhaps because the “higher-ups” were like “finally, this fucker is listening…”

My depression, was healing. My anxiety, was healing. My outlook on life…was better. It was at this point that I began to see…perhaps life is a bit more than money-power-women like I thought. Perhaps I could remain open-minded to a change in beliefs.

Shadow Work With Lilith

Holy shit…me? Doing shadow work? Unicorns must exist now.

After the psychedelic experiences, I had a thought… “huh. Maybe something is wrong with me.”

So… I took it upon myself to research and see what this whole shadow work thing was about. I figured if I’m going to study all of the esoteric traditions (not that this would be classified as one), I may as well study this one too. Who knows?

Folks, the amount of synchronicities I received on my shadow work journey was unbelievable. I was being bombarded with them. If the Source had a physical mouth to speak, it probably would have said “Yes! He’s doing it! He’s finally fucking doing it! Go! Gooo!!”

Mother Lilith assisted me on this journey. She was really proud that I decided to do it. Though, it was the hardest thing I probably have ever done. Even more difficult than tackling my pron addiction. I wrote all of it down digitally (not posting, too private), and have had my fare share of balling-my-eyes-out. Forget Yahweh…my shadow was the hardest opponent I have ever fought and probably ever will. It wasn’t a battle of physical or even astral strength. It was a battle of mental absorbtion and surrender. I really had to take an honest look at my self and say “my problems are my fault.”

What a twist…who knew that my worst enemy…would be me?

Of all the things on this list…this has to be the one that ultimately allowed me to achieve my dream-life. It is amazing just how many of your problems are caused by…you. By your own wrong thinking. During this shadow work journey, Lucifer told me… “To change the outer world, the inner world must change first.” And holy shit is that valid. So many things were gained by simply discarding old beliefs and acquiring new, healthier ones.

Complete Disconnect From Social Media, Forums, Internet, etc.

One of my shadow work sessions involved the revelation of my unhealthy usage of the internet.

The internet…is a shitty place. The amount of hatred, envy, trolling, and just overall stupidity is colossal. I found myself browsing YouTube, watching pointless videos and such, wasting my valuable life away. Eventually Lilith gave me a wakep call and told me if I am willing to waste this much of my life away, I don’t deserve to work with her and the demons. It’s part of the reason that this is my last post. Look:

I’m going to take a risk here. Want to see how bad it was?

This is only in a week. Yes, I know it says “updated today”, but I took this screenshot a little over two years ago. Let me clarify, that none of this time was actually productive use. I was so utterly disappointed in myself, that I took this screenshot as a reminder to never reach this level of doomer-ism again.

Reader, what can you do with 75 hours?

Now, what can you do with 75 hours per week?

I decided to change myself, and completely disconnect from the internet for a period of time. It was peaceful, so peaceful. I am the happiest that I have ever been since I was a child. No more idiocy, degeneracy and time-wasting. No more comparison, over-stimulation, and fluff. And I had 75 extra hours per week to work on myself. Help the demons work on my businesses. Read esoteric books. Fix my diet. It was the most progress I made in a long time.

Now, I am down to only 10 hours per week, most of that being business-related. Still quite bad, but far less than before.

My Higher Self

A few weeks into my awful shadow work therapy, I was visited by what some spiritualists would call the higher self.

This Being arrived with the most powerful energy I had ever felt from a living entity. My intuition went through the roof and I just knew by default that this entity was a more “perfected” version of me.

I sensed that the true essence of this entity was ‘pure Holy consciousness’. Though within my shadow work journeys it decided to manifest as a woman. Of all the beings I’ve interacted with, she was the most holy. She was literally perfect. There was not an ounce of evil in the woman…not only was she powerful, beautiful, and somehow knew that my favorite ice cream flavor was cotton candy without me even knowing it existed, but she was also better than me. She out-performed In every way.

And I utterly hated her for it.

Through my egoic nature, I thought She was “better than me”, She was too “holy” and “good”. A direct polarity of my fleshy Self.

We had our quarrels, 100% of them obviously being started by me, yet she still kept that god damn smile on her face, as if she was only dealing with a nagging child. Emotionally, she was unbeatable. She never lashed out at me, not once. Smiling, yet her comments were brutally honest. I just couldn’t win…It baffled me. Isn’t it quite funny that I’ve just spoken about envy, and yet I was technically envious at “myself”?

She was nameless, not choosing to be called by anything. But I decided to just call her Alice, because her demeanor mimicked that of a playful child so incredibly much.

Over time, our interactions had become more…friendly. I just couldn’t manage to hate something that seemed so perfect, and I began to admire her and treat her as she was originally suppose to be treated, a guide and a Divine friend. She was everything I wasn’t, and though I was envious of her for that, I could simultaneously marvel at her Divine power and aspire to be that way. She would often correct me, saying we are the same at the fundamental level.

Long story short…she has helped me so much in coming out of my dark mindset. And that is something I can’t thank her enough for.

Cryptocurrency: Way of Riches

Mid-2021 was a good ass time for crypto.

Near the end of 2020, our great duke/duchess Bune really pressured me into getting into it. I was an investor before, but only into stocks. And not investing more than $30 at a few times. Not making more than a $5 return per month (if that). I wasn’t worried about the riskiness of crypto. After all, I felt that Bune had my back. And the intuitive nudge was just too strong. I invested in a shit ton of courses, spoke to other investors, learned everything I possibly could about the technologies and investing strategies, then put in the little money I had left, with a total portfolio worth of $500. I invested monthly after that.

I made bank. Enough to set me up for life.

Bune’s magick combined with the exploding market and the rise of very risky “meme-coins” allowed me to make more money than I could ever possibly dream of. Life changing wealth. So much so that I didn’t really know what to do with it at first. Holy fuck… looking back, it was just unbelievable how much money one could make in this field with so little time.Using the knowledge I was guided to learning by Bune, I was able to re-invest my profits into other coins as well as mining rigs. It wasn’t all flowers, however. I did get scammed for a hefty amount a few times. But I eventually learned from my mistakes and bounced back. Pro tip: meme coins are not long-lasting. Get in, get out.

I told myself that I wouldn’t reveal my assets here. It would be stupid. That I’d just keep it private. But I know that I’m going to get accused of being a liar by saying I made life-changing money from coins with cute little doggies on them, with the help of a demon duchess. I understand how doubtful magick can be. Many believe manifesting no more than a random $100 bill on the ground is possible. So in a risky way of motivating the “past me’s” out there, here is the smallest portfolio that I have in my total investments:

Again, not my total portfolio. Little doggie coins did that. Little freakin doggie coins!!! I remember waking up one day during that special time, to over $3,000 in my previous $100 portfolio. It was 3 days after my initial investment. Before you ask, yes. I pulled out before the market dipped. Though it was a very narrow road, and had I not made some rookie mistakes, this portfolio would be a lot bigger. This screenshot was taken a while back; these funds are now in a hardware wallet. While everything in the market is shite now, I still see a bright future for cryptocurrency as a technology.


Music Business: Belial

Using a portion of the crypto money as initial startup, I now operate as a full-time audio engineer. I also began a beat-selling business a year back, and a copywriting business. Still operating today. Of course, I am not disclosing the name(s) on here.

I got some awesome connections from this business. Even a decent following…14K on Instagram, 10K on Twitter (ew). I go under a different name, so finding me will be…difficult. Thought I’ll admit that some of the clients are an absolute pain to work with. It doesn’t make me as much as cryptocurrency has, but it is enough to keep me out of the dreadful 9-to-5 and living comfortably, as well as solidifying relationships with higher-up people. Belial gave me a lot of shit back then for my addictive tendencies. However, quitting pron gave me the motivation to work daily and put my time into these businesses.

Lilith Gave Me a Legion

I still don’t really know why she did this. She only told me that I’d need them one day. Didn’t feel I deserved it, but I didn’t reject the offer.

Summoned using a private vibratory phrase, They’ve been incredibly helpful in terms of protection magick and guarding me astrally. I have also used the to help others with spiritual issues to success. I’ve used them for healing folks…cursing…knowledge of new rituals…and more.

I Now Work With Yahweh

Before you curse me for that, let me explain.

I’m obviously still working with the demons. I have only incorporated Yahweh into my list of entity partnerships. Contrary to belief, he actually delivers. And fairly quickly.

Ever since my offer of peace, he has been helping me out a lot. He’s granted me things here on the physical realm within a month’s time. Doing work for him in the astral has proven to be rewarding, and if I am being honest, humans are far worse than he ever will be. It was not a wise decision to make him a total enemy. With the past behind us, he has been a wonderful ally to my spiritual growth.

Alice made something known to me that I hadn’t seen before. You can follow the Middle Way. You can work with both light and dark forces. Dark forces to operate on the material world to get those Malkuthian things you desire, and light forces to expand your consciousness, help others, and grow spiritually powerful. This piece of information was life-changing for me. It increased my magickal ability and got me out of the prison that was my own Mind.

Powerful Connections To Powerful People

Removing myself from the internet taught me this valuable thing: Powerful people (truly powerful people) don’t lurk here. The individuals with the most money, knowledge, spiritual power, lovers, what-have-you, don’t even have any social media at all. Before I “disconnected”, I would always ask why such power brokers don’t really browse like that. But after seeing how distracting the internet can truly be from one’s true goals, and how full it is of, well, crab-in-a-barrel type folks… I see why they’d pull out of such places.

During my hermit-journey I met up with some powerful people. They taught me a lot about a lot. But they were so incredibly reclusive. I can only respect it.

Astral Journeys

I have to keep most of this one private, at the request of entities I work with. But I can say that I deeply work with various entities in terms of astral conflicts and dynamics. You’d be surprised at just how much the above-world mimics our below-world. Politics seems to expand even beyond this place. Regardless, these beings reward me handsomely for assistance “up there”. I have gotten better and better positions since beginning this astral experimentation years ago.

Conclusion I: The Biggest Realization

For this section I’m showing my real self for a moment and address the hate I’ve gotten over the years. I’m going to get shit for this, but at this point, I don’t really give a fuck. The opinions of others don’t bother me anymore. Especially those of the bots among us.

During this time of massive self-improvement, I came upon a revelatory idea in my daily sessions of contemplation.

Cursing is a weakling’s move.

I’ve had my fair share of “threats” in the past. Some on here, some in real life. But as you can see, all of it failed. I’m still standing. Shame… I’m in such a good position now, I’d almost like to think they sent me positive energy instead. Either they were bluffing, my legion really kicks ass, or they are such weak magicians that it’s not even worth writing this to give them the smallest of attention.

Listen, if you look at these types in real life (if they even leave their basements enough), you will find that they mimic who I was in the past: a loser. I’ve seen them physically. They wouldn’t be able to fight their way out of a wet paper bag.

Working on myself, growing spiritually, meeting the higher self, making life-setting money, and hanging around powerful people, I realized what the greatest “curse” truly is.


That curse lasts an entire lifetime. It is the true “generational curse”. Imagine for a moment…using all of your time, mental energy, astral energy, soul energy…to curse an individual. Only to have them do a complete 180 and trump your own life. They’re still happier than you? They have more money than you? They found their prince charming? They have thousands of followers now? Oh, boy. I’ve seen it happen in many occult groups, and have even been victim of it myself… and boy is it a humiliating defeat.

I’ll do you one better…imagine cursing some random ass dude online, who may or may not be just like you…and decided to change his or her life for the better with what little resources they had at the time, instead of cursing the real evils of this world. Such as, oh I don’t know…

A certain tyrannical leader(s) over there in the east? Whose killed thousands by now?

The leaders who steal 20% of your paycheck every two weeks?

The Judeo-Christian leaders that keep your Christian parents mentally enslaved every Sunday?

CEOs of oil companies, who have poisoned Gaia to the point of no return?

Certain eastern leaders, who have threatened to turn this entire planet into a giant fireball at the turning of a key and click of the big red button?

They all seem to be doing just fine!

But the individual who seems to be taking action to improve themselves? Oh, they deserve death. This dynamic is why humanity will never make it out of the prison they’ve built for themselves. And it’s not like those cursing types can do it physically. Nah, they need to do it etherically. They’re afraid of jail time. They’re afraid of being confronted by the victim. They’re afraid of people knowing just how weak they really are.

Real-world success is your best magickal weapon. The reader may come to think that I am passive-agressively calling out certain people who have decided to verbally attack me in the past. And that’s exactly what I am doing.

You failed.

You lost.

I’m still here.

Get laid, for the good of us all.

That’s all the attention you’ll get from me.

Conclusion II: My Final Message

Money, power, women…and spiritual growth. After three years of work, I’ve finally gotten it. Now that we’ve finally confronted those leeches above, I want to speak to my supporters now.

This is the last post that I will ever be making on any social website. PMs will still be open.

I think I’ll go take a walk at the local park after I post this. I have learned that my biggest obstacle is the “junk internet” itself. And thus I’ve decided to leave these types of places for good. It has been the most peaceful I’ve ever been. Everything is just more beautiful now. My mental health has improved 10x because of it. I’m finally as happy as I was at age 6. I feel such a close connection to my higher self, and have never felt a Love like that before. Thus, I’m digitally checking out for good. For life.

It honestly makes me tear up. I never imagined that one could be this happy. I really thought I’d eventually kill myslelf. I really did. Words can’t express just how dark of a time that all was.

It has been my experience that ultimately, nothing gets done on these platforms. Just like Twitter, Facebook, and other sites. It only leads to a lot of useless arguing over “traditions”, and a lot of time-wasting. It’s all of them. I’m not calling any specific one out. Social media in general is just garbage.

You will have enemies.

You’re not going to convince anyone.

They’ll still argue with you, even with proof they’re wrong.

They’ll still hate you.

So what’s the point? Why not hang out with the true power brokers, and the hidden, powerful spiritualists who are all about real-world action and improvement? Who mean what they say? Perhaps the ancient Hermeticists were right by going into hiding. Perhaps that is how it should be.

Last thing, folks. I want to show you a photo.

I took this photo 5 years ago, during freshman year of college. This photo is what I call, “The Divine Choice”. On the left, is my side. On the right, my roommate’s side.

He was a really cool guy. And we were great friends.

But he just could not put the video games down.

This isn’t an attack on any gamer. Do what you want. But Not once did I ever see him study. He would come in, and play Persona. Come in, play Persona. Come in, play Devil May Cry. He had little friends aside from myself, and chose a life of reclusion and digital embodiment. Years later, he didn’t do too well in life.

I took this photo because I saw two polarities. The left, was me deciding to change my life. You can see that there is no PC there. Just a mountain of books. The right side, was a reflection of my past self through my roommate. Someone who just stayed locked up in his room, afraid of the outside world, and of improvement. This photo was a reminder to myself to never stray that far away from life ever again.

Look at the poster in the photo. It is my roommate’s, a quote from Trainspotting.

Look at those last two lines. Choose your future…choose life.

I only found out about that recently, after looking at it again. If this isn’t a synchronistic, alchemical photo, I don’t know what is. It is just so beautifully Alchemical. You have a choice. Will you stay locked up in your own miserable sorrow? Numbing your pain through the digital world? Or will you “look up”, pick up that book, and set on the path to changing your life?

From the depths of my heart, and from Alice’s pure and innocent Being, I genuinely want you to make the right choice. I really, really want you to win. Power means nothing if it can’t be transferred to others, like the small flame that lights a forest on fire. Your mom depends on you. Your dad depends on you. Your lover depends on you. Your child…pet…grandmother…YOU depend on you. I’m certain you want to give them all a happy life. Free them from the system that enslaves them. Why are you lazing around, complaining and doing nothing? Making excuses? If my retarded ass can do all of this, so can you. Don’t listen to any of the nay-sayers…permanently curse them all by becoming happy and successful. Never let someone tell you your dreams are merely that…dreams.

Choose your future. Choose life.


  • Lucius Morningstar

Very interresting post. Very. Lilith you say? funny but, I was with Hecate and got into a sort of bad vibes or incompatible way with her, I still love her. When Lilith is in my life, I feel her, she is sweeter and kinder than most spirits I know of. My being the incarnation of Odin (so it seems) on earth, all things go wrong. When I have read your post, I was impressed with also what you said about Yahweh. Can you describe more your dealings With Lilith? Also, if you work with her, can you speak to her about me and tell her I wish to accomplish actions with her (if it is possible and available for that, if not, it is OK)

1 Like

Thanks for updating bro, I do hope we’ll still connect through PM’s though as I have a lot to share as well. I defineitly get with the internet and everything. I’ve always seen it as a double-edge sword. I’m glad that you’ve found success and are in a way better position then you were 2 years ago. I wish you the best of luck my friend. Hopefully one day, I’ll run into you on the other side brother. Take care!


A very powerful journey. i did some money with shiba inu in 2021 . Will check your posts. Have nice day sir


Its been a long time since i actually got my emotions turned up! NGL my eyes are watery.

I appreciate your post Lucius! You are my oldest friend here and BALG you have always motivated me and guided me in my spiritual path. With this post as well you are still doing so.

Also, I am very happy for you and how much better your life changed! I can honestly say I WITNESSED IT ALL!!!

Be blessed ‘,’