NAP kept cropping up for me, so I bought an e-version on the kindle and read through it, (understanding @Lady_Eva experience evoking the book, but still curious).
I finished the book, decided the first ritual I wanted to attempt after Point A was the Elubatel ritual for success. So I complete it, I try to visualize the general career goals I have for myself that I need success in. I feel heavy, like really fucking heavy, depressed.
Then I start reading about people’s lives being completely fucking shattered for months at a time. They lose everything. How dangerous this ritual is, I feel like a complete fool.
What if something happens and I lose custody of my kids? What if I get hurt or they get hurt. Fuck.
Eventually I try to summon Elubatel again. I stare at her sigil until it dances, I specify the best I can my exact image of success in my career and with my children by my side.
This is all long, anxious post to ask: Is Elubatel pretty much dead set on ripping apart my life now, so I can have no obstacles to success, nothing to divert my attention from my goals? Or is the fact that I had at least some approximation of a path in my life that I needed success in going to help direct her energies? Has anyone had an experience with Elubatel that didn’t involve completely unending everything you know?