Hi, you can call me Grey. I’m not exactly sure what to say here, but I’ll give it my best shot.
My interest in the occult is rooted, mainly, in trauma from my childhood. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say it wasn’t fun times. I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but I’m told I’ve made at least some “progress.” Whatever that means.
I grew up feeling powerless as a child, and so I desperately sought power as an adolescent. At first I was driven by revenge fantasies. Fortunately, I’ve always been cool headed enough not to rush into anything. I still haven’t gotten my revenge, but now at least it isn’t because I’m completely powerless. Now days I mostly practice as a way of managing the symptoms of mental illness to which I previously alluded.
My first proper introduction to the occult, outside of a few books about chakras, auras, and such was the book “Magickal Servitors” by Damon Brand. That was a bit under five years ago and my primary field of interest in the occult has remained servitors to this day. Mostly I’ve been studying various other spiritual and ritual techniques hoping to improve the creation process. I want to improve things like potency, flexibility, adaptability, accessibility, and sense of “realness.” My current experiments revolve around asking other spirits (mainly angels) to lend some of their power to the creation and charging of the servitor. I haven’t been working on that particular technique very long, but it shows some promise.
I’ve always felt uncomfortable calling on angels, demons, and other entities. I can’t quite put my finger on why. If I had to guess I would say that it removes a certain element of control from the process. With servitors there is an element of control that is lacking in other spirit work.
I’m not really sure what else to say… I mainly joined the forum to make a relatively inconsequential comment about the Angels of Omnipotence. I probably won’t be participating much in the forum outside that. I’m not a very “social” person. Not because I don’t like people, but because I get this nagging feeling that people don’t like me. I’m not sure if that’s true, my anxiety talking, or a persecution complex. Maybe a little of all three.