Introduction with some backstory

Back in summer I came back to my hometown after graduation. I never saw the word occult in my life until I read a thread on a fitness forum I was in. They talked about demons and someone mentioned the word succubus. So out of curiosity I did some research on the internet. One of the sites I found was succubus love wordpress. It mentioned a letter, written to Lilith. To give you some background of that period, I was going through a cutting phase with fasts up to 20 hours. I was single, heartbroken from college and felt really lonely. I had no sexual outlet either as masturbation was / is a no for me. I am not religious, although I enjoy nature and philosophy very much.

One night then I felt the urge to write that letter I read about. I sat down and let the words flow. I read in another forum that “intention is everything” so I wrote it with full dignity. I stated the reality I was in - That I could not address someone I did not know ( such as Lilith ), that I had no bad intentions, I wasnt after sex, I had no weird expecations, I just wanted to have some company and maybe some extraordinary experience, if that whoever that might be, wanted me to have as well. With utmost respect I burned that letter in dim light afterwards. I didnt write more as I was vibrating from the moment I touched the pen until I burned it. I didnt expect anything to happen so later on I began to calm down, read a book and fell asleep.

At some point I just opened my eyes, and woke up very suddenly. I felt a breeze on my skin , noise in my ears like I was diving in deep sea, my chest being pressed upon, which felt extraordinarily good, and a general euphoria on my whole body. I saw a blonde woman with gray skin but without characteristics like eyes etc. sitting on a desk writing something on a notebook. Moving my arms felt like they were floating in the air. I also felt something very strange and pleasant on my genitals area. It wasnt like an orgasm, it was far better than that but I wasnt aroused. At this point, half conscious as I was, I saw the knife next to me ( I always sleep with a knife next to my bed ). I freaked out to the thought that I may actually be occupied from a spirit ( my silly brain from what I had seen in movies ) so I tried snapping out of it and… Boom i woke up. Same room same everything only that now I was fully conscious. The time was 3:20 am. I got outside on my backyard, and saw that the light was open. Ok I thought, my father must have forgotten it, thats all.

The next day I my parents were looking for me. They said either someone broke into our backyard or left the lights open for no reason. I told them I had not gone there since I came back from college. Mind you that day I was in a happy trance. Confidence was overboosted, training went perfectly and some people couldnt figure out why I acted so happy. Somehow I felt connected, not specifically to something, it was a general feeling of being close to someone, of not
being alone. Loneliness had faded away.

So after I freaked out with the lights, I thought ok good but… what if this stuff continues? Its not like I had medium friends or someone to ask for help. Where could I ask for help if things escalated? Which they did.

In the afternoon I took a shower. Suddenly I felt something very warm warping up my left leg and as I looked down I saw 3 scratches on my calf. I touched them and they hurt, like they were fresh.

To whom could I speak about that ?? I jumped out of the bathtub to look for some answers on the internet. Worse yet I found forums and threads saying this was the beggining of being occupied and the such. On my ignorance, pettiness and panic I used incense on my whole house while chanting some random thing I found on the bible. I didnt know what I was doing I was freaked out and just wanted to get rid of whatever I had gone into. After that I had one or two similar experiences but very slight.

So this is my background story. Since then I have read a lot to understand that its the fools who go only by tradition. Mind you I live in a country whose ancestors were deeply involved in mysteries / paganism - Greece. But it is also hard to find resources online that are to be trusted about occultism and I really wouldnt want to screw this up because unlike physical injuries…who can help me with these stuff if things so south? So thats the first. I am clueless and I would like to be pointed to something as well as give me a hint as to what I experienced. I understand there are many people here who have endless and admirable knowledge on occultism, I clearly dont have any and I live in a small town where people go to the church on Sundays. I do not want to end up like the majority of the people around me, ignorant, hidding my head in the sand thinking I am safe. I knew there was more into our world than what the tradition offers us and I had the blessing and the opportunity to experience that first hand. I was ignorant back then, not mature enough to handle it, but now I am eager to learn and experience more, if the universe allows me to do so. So if you could offer some insight to this, it would be awesome. Sorry for the long post, I thought it was necessary. English is not my first language so Im sorry if I poked your eyes out a little bit !!! Thank you.

Welcome to the forum.