I have been practicing LBRP, LBRH, Rose Cross and Middle Pillar ritual for about 4 years now. I also belong to the OTO. I also have some NAP experience.
Due to a loss of job, little to no friends, and away from family for about 2 years, I’ve become very fed up with life. I have began entertaining very negative thoughts. I am at a point in my life where I am scared to live and scared to die, with no end in sight. I have asked the few friends that I know, who are extremely wealthy, if they can help me out with a job, only to be dismissed and ignored. I’m really having trouble in dealing with everyday life. It seems like everything I touch gets destroyed. I’m currently living in shame. I’m 30 years old.
After reading LMD’s book about goetia a few years ago, I thought it was something I would never get to try. However, after ready the book a few more times, I’ve began to embrace the idea of using the help of the goetia.
About a week ago, I got in touch with my local OTO and found a member that has been practicing the goetia for over 20 years. She has the goetia setup at her house. After asking her if she can help, she agreed.
It was a full moon, I had fasted for about a day. I went to her house. I was extremely terrified as I had not done this before and did not know what to expect. My heart was pounding out of chest as she was doing the calling. I was with another person inside the circle as well. So a total of 3 people. We each took turns looking at the mirror. We all saw “something” in the mirror in the triangle of art. I was not able to hear whatever was in the mirror, but I spoke my intention to it. I told him that my request was to be fulfilled in 3 earthly days without harm to anyone or anything. I took his sigil and kept it in my wallet.
My request was for him to influence a person who a few years ago was going to tremendously help me out with a job and never did. We eventually stopped speaking to each other.
Fast forward to a week later, today, and there is no evidence of my request being fulfilled at all. No subtle changes or evidence. Nothing is aligning towards that goal. In fact, things are much worse.
I am at a loss of what to do. Really don’t have any other options. My best guess is to see what I did wrong and if someone can help me understand what is happening.
Sorry for the wall of text, but life is extremely difficult and I am crumbling under pressure. I have nobody to lean against, I feel as if god is not on my side, and now so are entities. Thanks.