Introduction + looking for a certain symbol

Hi, First of all I want to thank anyone who even reads this.
second, I would like help finding these symbol or if anyone knows of it, seen it or can glean anything from it.
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A little bit of backstory about it, My veins vaguely make the )-o-( shape on my right wrist, I have had it ever since I can remember. |

There is another symbol im curious about but I think it more or less just is a focus for life (its basically a curvy stick figure with a spiral for a head… Think bellsprout from pokemon but with a poliwhilrs swirl for a head.

I have had my fare share of things happening, things I have chalked up to synchronicity… Or stories from my mom about a lady in white by my crib, some blue man in the woods talking to her as a child or this daydream she had involving some angel named Meg when she listened to (Synergy - Larry fast)

So im not too much of a stranger to hearing things or sensations / patterns just showing themselves ( Actually due to having aspergers that stuff is hard not to notice). I also have breakdowns during huge events in my life and seem to go through all the stages of grief…Then suddenly everything is fixed and im safe again.

Anyway, thanks again to who ever reads this and I hope I haven’t done anything I shouldn’t have here.

( I have asked in meditations about the symbols but anyone I try to ask just gives me a smirky grin and the whole subject changes without me realizing it until after its over.)

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Welcome @Shaun_N It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves, so please tell us about yourself and any experience you have in magick.

Where are you from?

Do you have any experience in maigck?

If so, what do you practice, and how long have you practiced it?

If not, what areas of magick are you interested in learning?

This is important information to include in a proper introduction, as it helps us to provide appropriate advice and direction.

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Sorry about that, I didnt know that I could be more detailed than just saying hi.
I usually give way too much info because I feel like everythings important.

Well im a 30 years old guy with aspergers and PTSD, Born in TN, spent my child hood in south FL until my parents got divorced in 07.
Moved to GA with my mom and brother until my mom passed in 2012 and I was taken back to south FL where I currently live.

I’ll put the keynotes here and far more detailed info after them.

I base my beliefs on what I have tried and experienced for myself.
my keynotes are pretty much, Synchronicities, Lilith, (Sometimes Lucifer, but he seems VERY direct in his responses) Meditations (guided, binaural beats, staring at a lava lamp). Shadow work, trying to contact entities that seem to be trying to help me and seeing repeating numbers or patterns. (thanks to aspergers I cant not notice repeating patterns)

The following is pretty much my lifes story, but I feel like it is important to understand where im coming from considering my experiences are all over the place.

I was raised in a loose christian household, my mom considered herself a wannabee hippy as a child and had books on crystals, herbs and so forth.
My dad had a more Maybe / maybe not view on the whole god thing.

I’ve had different interests growing up, I have always been able to pick out things that made no sense so I didnt like mainstream Christianity due to all the Hypocrisy I saw all over it. I did however watch Perry stone with my mom, I liked that he went into details and of things without much of the dogma.

In my childhood I read the keys of Enoch and liked the mystical vague christian stuff, I was fascinated by the story of Lilith.
I had a dream about the moon broken into three pieces hanging over my house as a child, a month later my parents declared they were separating.

in my teen years I was obsessed with Druidic and celtic things.
I would jokingly try to heal headaches by pushing my energy through my hands to my brother or mom (They said it actually worked but could have been playing along)

In my early adult years my whole world shifted after the death of two of my childhood cats in 2011, I had to have my cat Salem put down due to a failing liver. I couldnt handle the grief so I was a mess for awhile, I had a dream one night of being in a white room and some old guy in a brown suit whose face I couldnt make out, and my cat next to him looking at me. all I heard was " You did good." and I woke up crying, the next day There was a black kitten playing in my neighbors yard and I took him in, He had the same few white hairs on his chest as salem did but a bit more pronounced. I named him Onny.

after that my mom had gotten a blister on her foot and it got infected, she was on antibiotics for it for months. after a while she couldnt work and went to the hospital to have it taken care of, I had a dream of the moon crashing down on my house with a horrible roaring and shaking. My mom died on the third day there due to flesh eating bacteria. We later found out someone punctured her liver trying to remove the damaged tissue… they punctured her liver in what was supposed to be just foot surgery.

My brother and I were displaced from our home but found a place to rent in stone mountain GA so we lived there for a while trying to find jobs. During the few months there I had the urge to try my hand at a makeshift pendulum divination to contact any spirit that was around me (stupid curiosity But I did get a name that wasnt just random vowels ). We ran out of money from our moms life insurance and were being kicked out, I contacted our father asking if he knew anything that could help us. He talked it over with his new wife and she said the only way she would let him help us is if we destroyed anything our mom owned, gave us or had her image on it and to dump my moms ashes into the dirt and throw away her urn.

I did what I had to, they came up from FL and took me and my brother to FL. We had to leave everything, I had to leave Onny in GA. I was mentally and spiritually broken, on the verge of suicide.
We spent months with them taking abuse from our step mother while our father just let it happen. my brother and I were forced to be catholic while there or be thrown out… I had frequent panic attacks and hospital trips due to them.

I managed to get a job, the only reason I was hired is because the store manager graduated College at the same campus in GA that my GED classes were held. Thats it, she wanted southern hospitality at her store.

My brother had friends in MS that got him a plane ticket to stay with them (He still lives there), I saved up enough money to get away from my step mother.

Since then I was diagnosed with Aspergers and PTSD.
Other medical stuff.

I did more meditations and looked up mindfullness stuff to be more aware of my thoughts and have better emotional control, This lead me to reading for of Jungian stuff, binaural beats and other tools.
then I thought, “oh hey. I can actually use candles now.” So I did the pendulum thing again, started trying to get into contact with other things. found creepy hollows and thought why not, so I bought something from them. That lead me to trying to call things myself, invoking,evoking, I was basically throwing darts randomly. I was looking into maybe something involving the moon since it seemed to show up in my dreams during important moments, Then I found out about Black Moon Lilith.
and became fascinated with lilith again, this lead me to succubi and I am pretty sure I made contact with one since after a week of trying different methods I was having some major breakthroughs in facing my trauma due to dreams.

I had made contact with a few things I think ( At the very least fleeting dreams) I grappled with the physical effects of my medication and recovering from my then fresh trauma.

Now the current stuff, im sorry for the long back story. I thought it was better to give as much info as I could since it helps answer your questions.

I am hyper reactive to stress and threats to my livelihood due to my PTSD, There are at least three entities that I believe have helped me work with accepting my trauma and cleaning up my shadow, either through motivation to do it or exposing bits of it to me over time as exposure therapy I guess.

I have been keenly aware of and looked up synchronicity, that explains so much about why things or people just Popped up at the right time with seemingly no cause.
I have also been using my emotions or rants to raise energy, sometimes with a focus in mind.

Due to my hyper reactivity towards stress, I go through what feels like the stages of grief when faced with life altering events, real of perceived. Such as maybe not having rent money, horrible house mate threatening to kill me, etc. I will go through the stages, thinking everything is over and im going to die. then once I accept that if it happens it just happens and Let go of all those emotions… The problem just fixes itself!

Im used to these cycles of mental/emotional death and rebirth.
I even have made two rants talking out loud addressing Lucifer about my job, how I want things to be better. basically putting all my scars on display, and the first time I found a few dollors in change on the sidewalk on my way home within minutes of calming down.

I did a guided meditation to try to move me to the right path. ( It said to imagine something to represent what you wanted, a frog popped into my mind).then there was a frog windchim started being sold where I worked and a feeling telling me not to buy it.
two months after that I was riding my bike home ranting and crying out to lucifer again, asking for anything since he had seemed to respond to me before. And when I got home a huge green frog was just plastered on my front door. ( it was alive).
Though each time I had a HUGE thing to deal with the day after, but I grew because of it.

I also have a game I play with the entities I assume are helping me where I ask them to answer my questions with a song from my phone, I turn on shuffle and just hit next. I have gotten some frighteningly accurate responses doing this, like the subject of the song is related to my question or the title itself is a direct answer.

Oh yeah, I also own of Deck of Tarot cards, the Celtic dragon deck by Lisa Hunt, It has been pretty accurate with certain things.

If I am understanding you correctly, you don’t have a set magical practice of a particular system or tradition, but work mainly on intuition.

Thank you for elucidating more upon your experience, and again, welcome to the BALG forum.

PS: I have edited your title so others will know you have met our introduction rule.

Thanks, Im still sorry about not giving a proper introduction.

Yeah, its weird though. with stuff like this I seem to do fine but when it comes to other matters I am horribly indecisive to the point where its destructive to myself.
Like a lighthouse with a bulb but not mirror.

Yet when im actually focused everything just falls into place, hence my fixation of synchronities.
Though my hyper reactivity to stress DOES cause so rather high energy on my part. I had a friend who was more sensitive towards this sort of stuff and he sent me a message one day while I was having an episode telling me that I needed to calm down or im going to get myself killed… he lives in Japan so im very iffy on how he knew what was happening. his English isnt perfect so he explained that it scared him that he could even feel it from over there.

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No worries, my friend. It’s all good :slight_smile: