Intro myself and help re attraction with a guy

Hi everyone! I’ve been reading you for a while and I’ve finally decided to join the forum. I’m Auralyn, from Spain. I come from a family where I’ve heard about encounters with spirits since a very early age. One of my grandma’s aunts was supposed to be a witch (in the Basque Country, where my family is from, there’s a big tradition of powerful and witchy females) and, according to some of this family lineage, I’ve inherited some ‘sensitivity’. Anyway, regardless of my capabilities or whether one’s born or made a witch, I’ve always had a strong interest towards the occult and started to educate myself in magick a few years ago. It’s all still a bit confusing for me, there are so many branches and schools of learning, but I still enjoy it. I perform rituals with sigils now and again and currently learning to read tarot.

So well, the reason I wanted to write a post here is because of a guy. So often guys or girls move us :rofl: I’d like to hear some opinions about this crazy attraction I’ve got for him and our story (be ready to read).

Basically I met him last summer at a uni conference and was instantly drawn to him. Suffice to say he’s really really handsome, but quickly we stablished a really powerful intellectual and kind of emotional connection. He was one of the organisers and introduced me when I had to read my paper, which was about the water element in the poetry of one of my favourite poets (who I suspect was a bit related to magick, too), and later he told all my findings resonated with him a lot. Nothing weird about it so far. That day we spend hours chatting, up until the night, when I he told me he had a girlfriend. He said meeting me that day had turned everything upside down and had made him totally reconsider his relationship. Even though he admitted the mental and physical attraction, he asked me to just remain friends, but still eager to know more about me. In a day, it felt to me like I was falling head over heels, which is quite unusual for me in such a short amount of time.
We went on a few more dates where nothing happened but we would talk and talk and embraced really tight before saying goodbye. His girlfriend was somewhere else in the country. One day he also told me about weird things happening to him too, such as some masks he made for some former Philippine flatmates and how breaking one of them coincided with one of these guys having an injury in his leg. Then he also told me about a piece of land near his house where he used to hang out and some stones being laid in weird shapes. He stablished a back-and-forth communication through the stone shapes with whoever was playing that game too. That day he also said he used to talk to Lucifer, not really invoking him (he said so) but rather playing a mind game where he would pretend to talk to him and get responses from him. I remained slightly skeptical about all this things just in case he was saying them just for the sake of impressing me, and asked him whether he considered himself a magician. He said he wasn’t sure, and I told him about my initiation in magick, which seemed to quite amaze him.
Long story short (sorry, not that short I’m afraid :grimacing:), one day I brought my tarot cards because he used to read them too. He did a first reading which was pretty normal and then he said he did this thing of invoking Satan and being his ‘messenger’ to channel his answers. I felt half skeptical and half serious, but after all we were in the middle of a cafe so I didn’t think that was a really proper environment to channel Lucifer, lol. So I said, OK, show me how you do it. We chanted some kind of invocation he found on the internet and he got in a funny mood. It seemed a bit stupid because I’d make a question, draw a card and being it even or odd would give me the answer… Yes or no. I was picking it and supposedly I wasn’t under that influence. Well I didn’t like some of the answers the cards gave me (the events turned out to be fulfilled that way months later), and, playfully too, asked to repeat a question. He said there was something for me to give in return to have the privilege of repeating my question and potentially change the answer, and so that would be my intuition. I said no to that deal, and then we called it off.
That was the day we last had a date and by then I was totally crazy about him, sometimes feeling he was the love of my life, sometimes sensing I only had a really good brother-like connection with him and sometimes feeling we were two similar souls with a profound understanding of each other without nothing romantic attached to it. Anyway, it was crazy, and for a month we were almost obsessed with each other, texting and sending voice messages back and forth from day to night.
A few days later he went to visit his girlfriend, and before that he told me he was worried because the environment she lived in didn’t fit with his way to live life. I advised him (out of selflessness…) to perform a sigil ritual to ask to being ok with the environment and enjoy the trip. Anyway, after that trip, he cut off most communication with me, only giving some lame excuses when I finally asked what was happening he wouldn’t answer my texts anymore. I was extremely disappointed by the way he managed it (I knew his girlfriend was suspicious, I knew he was really attracted to me too but wanted to keep being friends). A few days ago I run across him and coincided at a place for a few days. Funnily enough, that day I had dreamed of the poet from my paper, which was the first thing that made this guy and I click. I got the chance to speak with him about the way our friendship ended and he admitted the contradictory nature of his relationship towards me and how a big fight with his girlfriend because of us made him put distance. He apologised and took responsibility for his actions. I think he could have just told me about the fight and I’d have been reasonable enough to distance myself too. Finally, the way he said bye to me implied he didn’t want to be friends with me again, I suppose because the attraction is still there.

OK so this all seems in a way just another love story. But every time I see him, even when I thought I had got over him, I just feel desperate for him in an insane way. I know part of it is just mundane infatuation but I feel there’s something energy-wise going on. Would it be crazy to think so? Again, like the first time, I’m fine and cool and next I find myself longing day and night to get intimate with him and to spend again endless hours talking about all sorts of stuff. When we talked it was like we shared the same profound understanding of the world. I don’t know whether I’m only being wishful and silly, but my sixth sense kind of tells me he still longs for me in a way and tries hard to avoid it. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel so so tempted to perform some magick to make him come back, and knowing how fruitless (and potentially harming for me) it could be is the only thing that puts me off. I know if he wants to be with that other woman, it’s his will, although he even admitted this woman is so opposite to him and everyone around him can’t understand how he’s in a relationship with her.

Any respectful comment is welcome, rituals, whatever…

And thank you for reading me!