Hello, I’m making this post to go over how I feel about my internal blockages and how they affect my life. So far my life isnt all that bad. I’m mainly going through a tough time internally wich ultimately affect my life on the outside in a confusing dazed way. I feel so enclosed internally, almost like my mind is asleep but I still can operate normally. It almost feels like I’m thinking through darkness and trying to send thoughts and ideas through to my grounded mind and my grounded mind is trying to process what my sleeping mind is sending to it. even though I’m aware I only have one mind. When I’m trying to mind my business or even be myself I feel a physical pain like there is a dog shocker around my heart and spirit so whenever I try and express myself and vibe with my friends im rejected and shocked. I’m 18 and feel so empty and slow. I feel it physically and spiritually. My magickal progress is shit and I cant socialise with anyone because my I feel internally empty to a degree where my words won’t process through my mind and out my mouth. Nothing is interesting anymore, and I feel bland. Not in a depressing way but in a " this is life, your stuck with these problems" kind of way. Maybe both. I feel like I cant do anything right or learn anything as oppose to my internal emptiness. I shake and it almost feels like if i were about to pass out from heat exhaustion and dehydration when I want to be productive and active. it really affects my magickal progression as well, I cant pick up on anything and use it in a ritualistic smart way of thinking. All in all I feel so empty drained and i feel this burning irritating kind of pain that is triggered from everything around me. Its on the inside of me. It feels like my spirit. When I want to level out and chill, the pain makes me very weak and all of my energy dissipates and I’m left shaking out in public. Its embarrassing when I’m with my friends because they are happy and dont know what its like to shake and jump everytime someone gives me the masculine eye. I dont know where I am. I feel like I’m nowhere, or ultimately painfully resting inside of darkness. Anyone else sharing the same problems? Any opinions I will greatly benefit from. Thankyou.
I can somewhat understand what you’re going through. When i try to be productive or take any significant action that isn’t someone else telling me to do something, i tend to feel this pain in my head and a loss of energy. It is very very much like a shock collar as you mention. There are moments in time where when i try to focus on something I instead feel empty in my head and i cant think or i think very slowly. I’ve not been diagnosed but i have been wondering if i possibly have ADHD.
Even so i do have some tricks i use to help myself.
If i can’t consciously get myself to do something, I’ll imagine myself doing it and then will help get me moving.
There are also times where I use reverse psychology on myself where I will try to do the opposite of what I want to do or feel and end up getting the result I actually wanted.
There’s also a trick i use where i visualize a plane of existence with a certain type of emotional energy I want and pull that energy into my head
About the pain though, recently I’ve been using a servitor i created to numb or remove feeling of pain i get in that certain area in my head, its been helping quite well
a few days ago, when i was thinking about a way to help stop whatever this blockage in my head is, i felt as if there was like something in my head that was “missing” or “damaged”. So using that energy manipulation tech i mentioned earlier, i thought of a universe of healing energy and brought that within my head to help “heal” whatever it is and imagining the feeling that i want to have, that isn’t the pain. It’s been helping me quite well
Thankyou for the feedback, I’ll try and do the same. I’m just glad to hear its not just me lol