It’s been a while. I’m writing because something has been on my mind and I can’t quite shake it. I’ve had this compulsion to purify myself, and I’m not sure what it means. It started yesterday in the middle of a storm, and a lightning bolt struck the street behind our house and sounded like a stone being ripped in half. It made me generally uneasy. That being said, today I started intermittent fasting, I had a vegan protein shake w/acai and antioxidant berry blend. I’m having the compulsion to quit smoking (not a bad thing, quite good actually, it just came out of nowhere.)
Additional back story, I had an overwhelming bout of anxiety a couple weeks ago that culminated in me losing my job. I felt overwhelmed with ennui and a deep despair. I’ve literally never had that type of experience hit me and it was horrible. I was paralyzed metaphorically speaking and the will to do anything in the way of leaving my house was just not going to happen. I did manage to get to the gym three times which helped a lot but it didn’t solve the issue.
So today, I decided to do a purification ritual/road opener, I burned yellow powder sulfur, palo santo, white sage, benzoin, and gold copal. I lit a green candle to symbolize my need for material riches and prosperity and a white candle to keep the bad away. I drew protection sigils and patterns on my chest and face in charcoal and then scattered Florida Water by Murray and Lanman on my shoulders. This last bit has been a staple in my practice for 13 years.
Well, I wrapped up the ritual and noticed that my shoulders were red (WHICH HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.) Whatever was latched on didn’t want to go. I’m going to post a picture here to show. After that, I did some bibliomancy, spirits claimed they participated in the purification and that everything was hunky dory and I didn’t need to go any further.
In short, where the fuck do I go from here? Which seems to be a perpetually asked question of mine. I need to quickly find a new job and move forward but, if someone wouldn’t mind giving me a scanny scan or a reading or offer any type of advice where I go from here, I’d greatly appreciate it.