Hello!
I was extremely attracted to the community and the knowledge this forum shares and knew this would be a good place for me to discuss all kinds of questions that I have.
I’m under what I believe to be the protection of something… But I don’t know what.
I suppose I’ll begin with a breif history of my dealings in the Occult…
From a young age, I remember seeing and hearing things. I mostly heard voices, it was rare but I always knew it was not from my world (parents, conversations outside, the tv etc…). When I occasionally DID see things, they were always shadows and it was as if I was never able to get a good look at them. I could only describe it as struggling to open my eyes to see.
Fast forward to my teenage years… I became heavily interested in the dark side of the Occult, call it teengae rebellion if you will. I strayed from Christianity and found myself somewhere between Atheism and Satanism. I am still in that boat to this day. I was in LOVE with the movie The Exorcist and found myself seeking this kind of dark contact, why that was the case I still cannot explain myself. I have always found myself rooting for the “villain” I as knew there was a deeper understanding to their damned state and felt empathy towards their stories. I began making my own Ouija boards and got to the point where I could just channel the energy through my finger and speak. It was always the same entitiy. At first it was nice, claiming to be an old man from my town who had passed (there was an obituary that I found) but as time went on it was possessive and would frighten me. I found myself in the worst 7 years of my life after that, mental and physical health problems galore. I fully believe it was my careless and poorly informed dabbling that caused this.
After those 7 years, I have found myself and have become stronger than ever. I’ve noticed changes in psychic abilities too. I can predict simple things such as songs coming up and more complicated things such as answers to questions I couldn’t possibly know. One example of this is when I watch Ghost Adventures, when they ask a question to a spirit I have the answer pop in my head before they recieve it in the show. I have been practicing Wicca on and off, presenting offerings and asking for guidance from the Triple Goddess as I connect deeply with feminine energy and empowerment. Sometimes she answers, sometimes a clearly male energy takes over and literally snuffs out the candle of the feminine. I practice sex magic as I am deeply in tune with my sexuality and the power I hold with my sexuality is practiced and utilized daily. I feel that is my strongest energy in this world. I also believe I am an empath, I take on energies and emotions FULLY, to the point where I felt the cancer in my family memeber’s stomach. With that, I find it hard to control my energy, I have nights where I cannot control my harshness and I can be quite cruel out of the anger I hold for certain things in my life (career, education, relationships). I am ruled by and quite similar to fire. I’m a Sagittarius (for those who find meaning in this) and I truly do warm or burn like a flame. I am working on finding the path to channeling my energy and finding the balance with it. I know I am a powerful, individual, I need to start owning my power so that I don’t continue to create roadblocks for myself.
This brings me to my question. Who is with me?
I have experienced nasty little attacks but it was nothing spiritually harmful, just ghosts being crusty. But I am noticing more and more every day that something is looking out for me. I have too many things work out in my favour for it to be pure luck. But there’s always a price, usually emotional drainage and my outbursts of emotions. I want to know who this entity is. I never feel afraid or harmed. But they’re elusive. I’ve tried everything I have knowledge of to find this out but I don’t have a definitive answer. I am still very much a baby witch, so my resources and abilities are limited. I don’t think this entity is good or bad but there is a distinct darkness to them. A darkness I deeply resonate with. A very spiritually strong friend of mine was taken aback by how quickly I absorbed dark energy and loved it. I guess I’m asking for help in identifying who is with me. In my brief research, I have found many similarities and a draw towards Lilith, but I don’t know if this is who is with me. I probably haven’t given enough information to narrow it down to a distinct name or energy but if you think you may know, please say it! I am open to conversations and suggestions on how I may go about identifying who this entity is.
Thank you so much for reading all of this <3
