I'm Amazed but I lack the guts and wits to trust the process

So im constantly finding ways for me to develop my astral senses. I try to hasten the day when i can finally see and talk to spirits to attain the knowledge i oh so desire.

Well i started with the 72 DOM and had a couple of months of experience with the book and i started with the petitions.

I didnt quite manifest any big results cuz most of my spells were love spells directed on my ex’es, well i did saw results like glances and backtalks indicating jealousy and i didnt quite act on them so my spells didnt really manifest like how i wanted because im prideful hence my screen name.

I figured maybe the spells dont really work if you dont act on it, that they only create opportunities like others in this forum said. At that time i had no knowledge of this forum and i went on how i felt.

I wanted more so i moved on the second ritual, The Connective Evocative. at first i was scared cuz i was raised to fear demons etc, but i managed to calm myself and mustered the courage to dare.

I then went doing the second ritual and boy oh boy that moment is currently in my life books bookmark because the moment i was reciting the evocation psalm and finally said the demons name, in this case marbas. “I summon thee marbas”, after that line i felt the very room shake and i was shooketh to the very core! that was really awesome and cool!

I immediately calmed down and proceeded with the ritual to which i still couldn’t hear or see marbas and finally closed the ritual. it was a spell of changing appearance or losing weight and i expected quick results, now that im focusing exercise i realized i changed over time.

Ok so now i understand it still needs process and time, but my brain still wont trust the process! about 3 or 4 weeks ago i drew sitris sigil and have been charging it constantly till this day, at that time i gazed upon it with candles and i did the ritual.

Though every time i do rituals i feel cold winds i still doubt myself because i cant see or hear them. then my spell still didn’t manifest as fast as i wanted to i tried evocation. I visualized sitris energy in the sigil get absorbed by my anja chakra or third eye and i close my eyes while gathering his energies inside me.

Then in my head or my imagination or visualization area i saw myself in my room lying down, i saw 2 spirits, sitri and marbas, then we talked about my spell and sitri told me a way for my spell to work. to make a move at my target, then we said goodbyes and i opened my eyes.

I thought to myself if that was how you talk to spirits or was that just my visualization fantasies. I refused to do what “sitri” said because i didnt wanna make a first move and me and my target aren’t really in good terms so it would be awkward to suddenly approach her.

Then i stopped any occult activities for a few days till i saw Mrbeast on YouTube and i was so damn jealous and i tried evoking bune.

Now i know bune worked because now we are making a small business thing for income to flow but before i called on bune we already planned on it, but we really didnt take any actions since we were just teens but suddenly a few days after the ritual our parents approved of our business ideas and the business is still being made as of now, yet i still don’t trust myself. i feel as though this is all coincidence and is normal.

What im looking for is something magickal.

I think my doubts came when my love spell didnt manifest the way i wanted even when i constantly charged sitri till this day. I tried kundalini and chakra development to open up my astral senses, a few nights i got myself a succubus in hope that she might open my senses. is this normal or am i rushing things?

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Sorry about how messy this post is my mind couldn’t filter all the things rushing in my head. anyways i forgot to mention, one time i was charging bunes sigil and the room flashed. Last night while i was trying that servitor upos post and gazed at the sigil on my screen the sigil imprinted on my eyes and was like a floater.

I added some paragraph breaks for readability, please remember to use these in future, long unbroken paragraphs are extremely difficult to read on a screen. :+1: