I mean sex is great, and even better with someone you have developed empathy with - don’t get me wrong, but there are other ways of obtaining elation and ecstasy. Do you have similar interests in hobbies and activities?
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Yes we both love music, being out doors, rescuing animals and rehoming them etc. We have alot in common, he’s just not into the occult.
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Great. I recommend sitting down with him and informing him that you would like to do more of what you’ve just mentioned and cut back on the sex a little. That way you both get something out of your relationship. Ideally it would make for a more resilient relationship if you were both asexual or sexually charged but perfection does not exist.
If he has an issue with this then Helena and Oddnan’s advice might be worth contemplating.There’s no real need to re-Freud yourself.
Feel free to disregard everything I’ve said if it does not suite you.
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Heh. I’m super late to the party here (as always), but I have a uncomfortably similar situation that I’ve gone through, and I’m not super great at magic, so I don’t give great magic answers… But I can give some practical advice using personal anecdotes from my strange, strange life.
TL:DR version, met my S/O through BDSM. Around 20-22 I had a high-functioning drive and desire for it, and around the time that my career took off those things kinda fell off and I didn’t care about them anymore. As I’ve gotten into my late 20’s I’m almost–meh–repulsed by the act in general. As you can imagine, it became very difficult to maintain the needs of the relationship (though, unlike your situation, I just didn’t GAF).
((I wrote an entire response but had to completely re-write it because of the subsequent responses.))
So, I went through this really tough point when I started a high-stress job, which turned my desire from like a 4 to 0. I kept trying to force myself into the act and wound up resentful for it, harboring a bit of anger because while my S/O wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, he still was making me feel bad. It was a really rough time in our relationship. After one big blow up I basically told him: “This is the way I am now, you can take it or leave it.”
We wound up splitting up for a bit of time, but I received some advice that I thought was extremely helpful: “If you’re not compatible in one area, you need to evaluate how important that is to you, and if it’s not that important then you can work around it. If it’s extremely important, then you’re not compatible and you need to move on. Not a bad person for that.”
In this case, sex wasn’t a high factor for me, but was a high factor for him. In that, we decided we may not be compatible anymore and needed to spend some time apart.
I did some evaluating and tried to understand why I disliked sex (though because you’re asexual this may not be helpful advice) and tried to find ways to combat that. I had a lot of personal problems that kept me from being “attracted” to myself (I heard that once on Oprah) and unless I dealt with those, no amount of work would bring up my interests in the bedroom. It’s still a struggle. 
I wound up doing something very similar to what @anon96217651 suggested, and because my S/O wanted to make it work, we cut back on sex and focused on other ways to express intimacy.
(On that note, that same wise friend before once told me “sex isn’t the only form of intimacy” and I still live by that.)
It may be possible to incorporate these elements into your sex life as a means of foreplay as well, as weird as that sounds, in an effort to get yourself more comfortable. On that same token, as a dominate, it is kinda his “job” to make sure you’re comfortable and that your needs are attended to, if the pain is too intense, he should take it down a bit. He could also bring in other elements that are not pain-related to provide some additional support. Alternating between those things could help make the process not as daunting.
I still vibe with the realest around, @anon10524665 and @A_Pariah, on their advice. If me now looked at me ten years ago, I’d give myself the advice of “never change for anyone other than yourself.” Cause the last thing you want is to have changed everything about you to where you aren’t “you” anymore and get stuck living in a big lie. Trust me. It’s much harder to dig yourself out of the hole than it is to just not jump in it in the first place.
EDIT: Don’t settle.
Take my advice with a grain of salt, though. I believe a few others have given great advice on entities that can help with this endeavor, but I do think Lilith is a good resource–not for the transformation–but female empowerment.
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You’re beautiful the way you are.
With that being said, this is a power that can be attributed to Belial.
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Bruel. Frismost. And phalus demon of sex. Not sure how to spell the last one.maybe phalys, or something similar.i noted nobody say lilith or naamah which can be ask to help you since you are a girl.
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