Small version of my question: All of a sudden I stopped feeling a connection to the goddess I’ve been working with. I wanted to, I did all things I usually do, but everything stopped working. It happened maybe a year ago and since then I don’t know what to believe in and how to gain that connection again. Does anybody know what I can do?
I used to have a very strong connection to Slavic culture and gods, especially gods of death. In summer 2020 I wanted to work with Mara (Morena or Marena), but was too afraid to start. She came into my dream and it felt different from my usual dreams, like she cut my dream open and talked to me. I started working with her, all the rituals and stuff. I felt our connection, my rituals worked, I did gifts for her and even started having prophetic dreams. It all lasted 6 months or even more, and than stopped completely without any reason. I did tarot, but it didn’t show anything. I need to believe in something, continue to work with her, but I feel so lost. Like a little child with no parents.
I have 2 theories:
It’s because of war (I live in Russia and plan to leave asap). Maybe?
Because I took a nickname Intra for a while. He is also connected to death in Slavic culture. But I doubt this is the case, because I took that nickname later.
Please help me any way you can. Share your experience. I will be truly happy.
Most likely. You have been put under a lot of stress in this case. Our natural fight/flight/freeze reactions tend to bury our senses that we need to perceive energetic traces etc. Which means that your goddess is still around but you haven’t been able to perceive her with your usual means.
You expressed that you need to “believe into something”. Keep doing that. A lack of communication from your spirit in such a situation is usually not a sign that your spirit has left your side; the dangerous thing is that we tend to interprete such lack as an overall failure. It makes us even more desperate and we get tangled into a downward spiral mindset of “Nothing is working anymore”. The more we push and pull, the more this mindset will have its grip on us.
Do what you can in your current situation. If you can’t “just relax” and meditate(because you’re in survival mode): simply assume that your spirit is with you.
If you can: keep a dream journal. You might find familiar signals and traces in your dreams. Look for things in your waking life that are connected to the symbolism of your goddess (like wood or sea or wind or simple things like bread or when you received an unexpected amount of money, as Mara is a goddess of earthy matters and qualities)
If you have access to books or PDFs or websites that discuss your goddess and her lore (slavic mythology is a really interesting field and its really well documented, personally I feel a deep connection to Bangputys, for example!), just read them to connect with her. You don’t need fancy tools or rituals for this and I think that it will have a soothing effect on you to simply learn something new or connect some dots in the current chaos. Its also something that you don’t have to “leave behind”, if you have to switch places. Your mind and knowledge travels with you, no suitcase needed
I’m going through something similar though for a different deity. I also had this problem in the past and let me say what @A_Pariah said is true. I made that mistake that I blamed myself and also believed that they left me. I was going through a lot as I am now and I am so happy to have found this.
@captainwillow Your definitely not alone on this problem and especially these days it’s so easy to fall into the stress trap. I do hope what is stressing you will be worked out and all be good for you once again.