I’ve noticed that, currently, the most social I get with girls is…well…when they’re working. Today, I went to a restaurant next door to the local gamestore I frequent, and got to converse with my waitress. At the end, she said I’m very conversational and enjoyed talking to me.
I’d like to point out that I’m not intentionally going to establishments to flirt with waitresses. I mean, I go to the occasional strip club, but that’s only when all other plans fail and I’m desperate for attention. I think I prefer talking to girls who are on the same level as I am (as in at a place as a patron or party goer instead of working). But whether I’m at a bar, club, school, or anywhere else, I’m never around the right type of women. Typically, they’re in their 40s, or are just teens (teens creep me out). But the girls of the type of age I’m looking for are always working when I find them.
I try to be polite and conversational (with regards to how they respond). I’m not some perv that flirts with young women on the job. I can’t relate to that happening to me, but I can understand it being annoying or creepy when it happens in excess and is done by people 2x my age. And frankly, the idea that some guys do that embarrasses me.
I guess it’s easier to meet girls this way because I already have their attention. I can start a conversation by just asking a simple question like “How was your Christmas” or pointing out something that catches my eye. With the waitress, it was a necklace with her name spelled in Arabic. Getting a woman’s attention for me is difficult.
Going back to the dream I had last night, I have this fear that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing due to being ignorant of some social rule. In the case of the dream, it was being in a space that wasn’t my own. In any other given case, it could be talking to a certain someone, approaching a certain group, discussing a certain topic, being in a certain distance, or making any form of physical contact. There’s always an anxiety built around the fear of the consequences of my own actions. Because if I offend someone, it could result in me getting banned from a venue, kicked out of school, fired from a job, or possibly falsely accused.
So, typically when around women, I try to follow some self-made rules. Keep 4 feet of distance when possible. Avoid physical contact. Don’t approach without good reason. Keep my gaze on unoffensive areas. Speak only professionally. And duck out at the first sign of disapproval. These are strict rules, but this is how strong that fear of offending is. To me, this is a show of respect to women, as well a way to discredit said false accusations. And let’s be real. If I was in a room full of naked porn actresses, I’d be sitting in a corner with my eyes fixed on my phone. A normal man might take the advantage and try and get a few numbers, but they’re working at the time, and possibly don’t even want to be doing porn at all. Maybe they don’t want to be hit on.
So, when I talk to a waitress or any girl who’s on the clock, I always wonder if it’s okay for me to do that. But I at least have her attention for the time.