desperation, the same as many others…
just finished trade school but was unable to get a job in the area i was trained in because there are barely any job opportunities for electricians in Baltimore. so i gave up all hope of living, started a VERY unhealthy marijuana habit, and dove into the esoteric deep as hell and fully committed to the path.
I don’t have an exact turning point, growing up with religion makes the occult not a far leap, just a switching of sides or adding to the story.
It wasn’t until this year when I FINALLY (jesusfuckingchrist) broke free of all RHP dogma was I shown real information on the LHP. I suppose, looking back, I was given clues and hints (how about a demon stalker/friend for 11 years??) but rejected them (him) so the rest was hidden from me.
The other side came to me when I was a child. I was born like this. And when my children were born they could see them too so I decided that I needed to study and learn as much as I could to help my daughter. She was a toddler and reacting to things that others could not see. My first spell came involuntarily out of my mouth in another language that I did not know and almost killed my “dad.” So it really is the case that I didn’t choose the life. The life chose me.
yup, just getting at peace
I went dove into magic because of infidelity, and I got into a huge fight with my lover. I’m sure without magic I wouldn’t be with my lover today .
Same here, really. Also curiosity because magick held a sense of mystery to me.And being that it was something considered taboo and a forbidden fruit in my upbringing and social milieu just eventually made it all that more appealing. It almost seemed against the law. Going darker over time has just seemed a natural progression.
It really did. It’s kinda surprising how so many of us were raised christian, sometimes strictly so, but then we turned to demons and magick. It wasn’t even rebellion either, it just felt right.
Basically; same song and dance like everyone here. Grew up in a Christian family and was as blind as the rest of them. Despite the fact that my sister and I think but not to sure, my mother use to practice Wiccan but I didn’t because I had no interest in magic but that all changed almost five years ago now. I ended up having an awakening, (which given all I’ve learned now up to this point was actually; a realistic Kundalini awakening), and according to Aseanath Mason, a calling of Lilith. It happened when I found a group of blogs about some guys saying that they are in relationships with Lilith’s daughters, the Succubi and I doubted it at first but started reading more and more and eventually; awoke something in me and called Lilith. Long story short, I’m now in a pact with Lilith and am having success with energy work and other things. I’m also working with the Qliphoth as Lilith invited me to it and will be doing my second invocation of Naamah tonight from Invocations and Evocations.
religious society + teenage rebellion = hail satan.
hail satan + wiccan mother= black magic
Funny thing I was going to start a thread like this a wile ago, but something came up so I couldn’t. Lol
But lets get to topic.
I guess you could say I have always been attracted magic (and Dragons). At a young age it started out as a fascination with your typical stage “magic”. Even after learning all it really was, was slight of hand, something in me still felt that not all magic was fake(parlor tricks).
As I grew older I still had a happy fondness for stage magic (Really who doesn’t like a good “magic” show?). At that time I was becoming more and more ostracized by my pears (Was a very dark time for me, that wouldn’t see its end till I was on my oun.)
During all those dark, but thanks to my yonger brother not lonely years. I would tend to stay to myself, often finding myself in the school Library. I would often be in the fiction section, but after a few years perusing that section and learning to read a hell of a lot closer to my grade level. I eventually found myself in a section of Library, tucked away in a corner, simply called “other”. This area seemed to be filled with very old, out dated books and as I was soon to discover with books about the past that most would have like left forgotten. Books like that on the Salem Which Trials. Also around that time I met a girl, I can’t remember what her and her family practiced, it was neither Wican or Pagan and I didn’t get to see it first hand. We dated for a bit (I was still in the closet). She ended up being the first person I came out to, she was very supportive. But finding those book and her, where what started my taste and research of “real world magic”.
Unfortunately I quickly found out that my persut would have to wait till many years later, after buying a vile of Dragons Blood oil for that girl as a gift. My mother had found it before I could give it to her and I can bet you all know where that went. Luckly I was abile to steal it away from my mother one day while she was out and gave it to thw girl.
I knew after that incident thoe, that I would have to wait till I was out on my oun to really delve into research. After a good hand full of years on the RHP I stumbled on to E.A.s Youtube and decided it was time to take a look at the other side of the coin.
So here I have been for the last 2 years learning what I can, new ways of looking at things, getting a few answers on things that have eluded me and makeing new friends.
Unfortunately I have to keep my activity here secret because of the people I live with, but it is an inconvenience I can live with.
So that is how I ended up here.
To make changes. 
If you’ve read my introduction to the forum you would see that I’ve always had an attraction to Magick but didn’t know where to go to learn. Also in my introduction I wanted sexual gratification, I’ve come to realize that I was purely be selfish and it was the sex only that was on my mind. Don’t get me wrong I still want the sex but now I want to truly learn the ways of the Left hand path. I’m now going about it in a respectful, unselfish manner and wanting to have a true relationship with the Gods and Goddesses.
Curiosity mixed with some kind of nudge from somewhere that i cant explain. I started with psychology but i was curious to find out if theres more to life than this one layer we all live in. Now it has a new meaning and course of action, I greatly enjoy magic and the new things it offers in my life, and it has helped me greatly being a bit more on the dark side 
Ever since I was young, I’ve always been into fantasy, ancient, medieval, and magickal things. I’ve always had an affinity for dark and morbid fantasies, mostly played in my own head. Anything bloody, dark, and sinister always drew me in and captured my interest. Not only was I attracted to the aesthetic of it, but the raw feeling. I deeply identify with and embrace this.
I’ve never been attracted to anything of the light. I don’t connect with it at all.
I had an average childhood, so I wasn’t warped by any negative encounters with humans. I was largely indifferent towards humans. The only explanation I have for the dark identity/inclinations is, it is innate to me.
When Lord Belial approached me in 2012, I knew I was meant for this path. I also discovered that demons seemed to be watching over me since childhood. Their nudges into my intuition when danger or deceit was afoot, steering me out of harms way. All of the “coincidences” and experiences I had in the past all made sense. As I discovered more about the demons and doing the workings, I felt something deep in the core of my being: “This is where I belong”. This blackness, this energy… I was free to fully be myself around the demons. They even seemed to enjoy that “sinister” part of me that I constantly lock away and keep in check. I acknowledge and embrace this part of myself everyday. The demons approach me as a sort of “release valve” sometimes. Where I indulge in my true self.
I dove head first into this path; I connected so deeply with it. I’m a bit reckless when it comes to embracing demons and energy. I purposely run into “magickal landmines”, take the injury, then either indulge in the pain inflicted upon me or redirect the energy for my use. Pain, inconveniences, and misery are all excellent teachers. It brings a deep understanding and allows you to transform these energies or feelings if you wish to. Even pain has its pleasures and comforts.
LaVayen satanism … the marijuana of occultism… the gateway drug to this entire world beneath the physical. Then of course intrigue into Crowley and the reading of a few of his books, book of the law, the book of lies… got scared, thought the books were driving me mad so I disposed of them. Caused me extreme levels of anxiety so I dropped out the game for a solid year, got sober, then started looking into Kabbalah and hermeticsm, just felt right to me, anxiety went away, now looking heavily into evocation and ways I can align my focus on a conscious and a sub conscious level… this is all over the course of about the last 6 years I would say… oh how deep the rabbit hole goes!!!
Ya know I can’t really deny how brilliant Crowley was, but I could never really get into him. He’s a brilliant occultist, but he never really just spoke to me.
Very manipulative, earned status with the golden dawn and took secrets. Did that with other organizations as well, then started Thelema, fascinating character to learn about.
Simple, I wanted a girl I couldn’t get. When I failed I stayed with magic but started learning a bit more about how magic can be used in different ways and how you have to actively pursue a goal.
Well, desperation,depression a calling coming from something, someone, somewhere that I just still can’t reach.
One of my wildest dreams is to have all of my senses open to the spiritual ,astral realms, call it as you please, but something deep inside me, tells me it is the path I am “supposed” to be,
So I am just here, and enjoying the ride, it will maybe destroy my beliefs and crash me somewhere…
Who cares ? as long as there is a deeper lesson on it? A lesson that will help me move forward?
Anyway, BALG is a awesome place,
Nothing more to add.
I got into this because of my social anxiety I have no real friends and I also was lonely and felt somewhat suicidal during my life and I also felt other religions and such did nothing for me… I feel so much more alive and excited when I do occult practices and also I was desperate for love situation to work out still working on that though lol