Hello, hello, hello.
I know I’ve been rather quiet lately with commenting. Also with the PM, I’ve replied to some, but not to all, I apologise about that, I will in time, please bear with me.
However… Something happened to me yesterday, well, technically the day before yesterday as it is nearly 1am here as I’m typing this out on my phone in bed. I can’t sleep until I share this, please lend me your ear (or a couple of eyes in this case :)).
I was on a regular, red and always marvellous to me double decker bus home from work. I had just got off to get my fridge stoked as that was the day I decided to go vegan (I don’t know why now, after meditating on this my intuition guided me towards it so I’m giving it a try).
I’m sat there on my bottom listening to Gary Clatk Jr on my iPod in utter frustration.
I’ve been quiet because I’ve had a period of what I can only call - existential crysis. I am contemplating my job, my personal life, my health, myself as a person and where I’m going, what I am.
Suddenly I feel what I can describe as one of te most intense pains I’ve felt in my life spread thoroughly the entire right side of my torso and my right arm. I cannot even describe the pain adequately. It was like a burning lava through my blood vessels an culminated in an extreme cramp. Just a massive spasm over te entire right side.
I can honestly admit I thought that was it. I imagined collapsing and the ambulance rushing to me only to arrive too late as I’ve ha a heart attack on the beautiful double decker bus, at 26, with the grocery bag full of fruit, nuts and soy milk.
My existential crysis was at an end, nothing more to ponder, nothing else, but f**k (excuse my language)! Do I want to live!
I pulled out my phone, brought up a picture of Lucifers sigil and called for him. In my mind I called his name again and again beckoning him to come. I was in so much pain and keeping a straight face, but in my mind I was screaming, reachin for him. for the warm light that he is to me when there’s nothing else. Inside I asked him for a release. I asked for the pain to stop, I was pleading, I was trusting him completely, I was… Asking for my life, to keep it.
And slowly, but surely - the pain started subsiding. I thanked him in my head and then I did something he didn’t ask for - I promised him a very important and serious offering that I will give him as a reward for his help and as soon as I did the pain came back even stronger. I felt almost as if I’d insulted him, as if he helped me because he wanted to and I offered payment for an intimate gift, of sorts. I retracted that and I promised him I would do this tribute for him not as a payment, but to show my love and my gratitude for everything past and future. And the pain just went away. There I am, sat on the bus, staring at his sigil on the broken and not yet replaced phone screen feeling a couple of tears just roll down my face in a moment of relief. Both physical and psychological.
In all my years when I was a child raised in strictly religious Cristian family, all my prayers to God and to Jesus went unanswered. All my calls for help in pain and suffering were ignored. And even then I was to devote my life to this God, pay him in many ways every single moment of every single day and hope that someday, perhaps, I will be lucky enough to just see his face before I fall in the pit.
Lucifer came to me when I called in my mind. In a lot of pain. On a bus with other people around. No circle, candles or incense, nothing. Not only did he come and he let me keep my life (I honestly believe that was as close to death as I’ve ever been. Well, unintentionally), he also took offence when I offered something in return for his help.
People worship creatures that are put on the pedestal. That only know how to take, to shame you, to instill fear. And yet they say Lucifer is evil… It makes anger and disgust bubble inside me. Demons, have only ever been on my side. Always helpful, always there for me and for everyone who reaches out- EVERYONE. Don’t fee the dark, fear the takers, the liars, the ones that feel the need to go door to door selling you their fate. We need not to recruit, we have all the tools and all te help we ask for.
My love is always with Lucifer and he knows it. And f**k the filthy, greedy preasts (as someone called them in a PM to me just recently).
Have a lovely night.