Hello to everyone that is reading this message. My name is Jaelynn but you can call my Lynn. I have finally found a place that is just for me and people like myself! I hope all is well with you all and let’s continue the journey…
Welcome here, Honey!
Glad to see you on BALG.
Please, tell us a little more about yourself, for example, what kinds of magick you like, your current goals or current struggles.
Thank you Nagash and I’ll tell you more about myself:
My journey started like this:
I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness- born and raised. Baptized at 19 years old. Within the ages of 19-21 I went through a lot of things that made me question if this god really existed and at the age of 22- I found out by listening to the so called “apostates” which are people who left or was kicked out of the organization and were talking “bad” about the organization (in reality they were talking about their experiences and the injustices they went through such as family members being molested by an so called brother and NOTHING was done about it- women being abused and NOTHING was done about it- people being shunned by family for being disfellowshipped or for questioning things- tons of other things that I will not mention for the sake of time- etc)- listening to their stories and knowing that they were telling the truth- it gave me a conclusion that either this god is not real or he truly is the source of evil and misery. So in the end- I ended up “falling away”. Not disfellowshipped just simply stopped going and in time the elders that were trying to get me to come back to a kingdomhall- left me alone after a wall. It’s funny cause I know they are always in my neighborhood but it’s like my house has an spiritually invisible X floating above my roof top- they will knock on everybody else’s door but mine lol. It’s interesting…
Leaving the Witnesses led me the Black Hebrew Israelite sect. My mother in law would always talk to me about the Bible and while I didn’t believe in JW (Jehovah’s Witnesses) interpretation of it- I still believed that the bible was true and so was god. So after watching a few videos with my husband- and after talking to my mother in law THOUSANDS OF TIMES about the bible- I decided at 23 to get baptized- under the camp Israel of God. Their pastor is a man name Henry Buie. What he said at the time used to make sense but as time went on- something in me started to question things. I would never dare say anything to my husband- but I started to question the teachings of Pastor Buie. And later I started not to care altogether and I couldn’t understand why… I felt like just like it was fuckery with the Witnesses- there had to be fuckery with this too. Of course I would try to find loop holes within this camp and recently I have. What I have found was this- canaanites are the original israelites. Before the israelites became monotheistic- they were polytheistic. They served multiple gods and a few goddesses- before the invasion the another group of people who were called “Apiru/Habiru”. It is said that these people were basically runaway slaves who merged in with the canaanites. These people was able to learn about the god EL (supreme deity- creator of man- deity of men and father of patriarchy) and his son Baal (storm god). When the Habiru was able to out number the canaanites- they took their land and merged these two deities together as one which is known today as Yahweh and Jehovah. When I found this out through historical evidence (and I SEARCHED REPEATEDLY TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT)- this was my confirmation to say goodbye to it. And even though I said goodbye silently- I am still battling with my mind and I have to get out of approaching the occult from a religious perspective and approach it logically. But before I found this out- my introduction to the occult was some time last year- in my bed listening to music and something told me to look up the real meaning of the baphomet and when I did that- it opened up so many doors that I never knew existed…
Something told me to look up the true origin of the Baphomet. Why- I still DO NOT KNOW- but I did and what I found shattered everything I thought I knew… From there- I discovered the Kybalion- then later the Gnostic texts (the book called “Forbidden Religion” - this book introduced me to Gnostics)- and listening to occult lectures from people like Bobby hemmitt and Brother panic and now EA Koetting and a couple of other new people. At first- not only would I not listen to these videos at night but I stopped listening to them for a while. I would try to go back into believing the hebrew israelite teachings but the occult was always on my mind. I knew that what I found in the occult was in fact true and that going back would be going back would be like a drug addict going back to drugs. And then later I started to listen to videos EVERYDAY and would read occult literature and take notes here and there. Now at 25- I know I’m basically done with religion. I am now dealing with fear- fear of judgement from my family once I come out and say- I no longer believe in your religion and I don’t want to have anything to do with it. I am fearful of losing my family (my husband and son). You would think that with all of the research that I have done about Daimons that I wouldn’t be somewhat afraid- I still am and I struggle with this daily. I know where this came from- religious dogma and everyday I’m reminding myself- there is nothing to be afraid of. I’m constantly reminding myself that it’s all in my mind to try to help myself get over my fear of not only daimons but the supernatural as a whole. I am also now dealing with deprogramming my mind and letting go the whole teachings of the hebrew israelites. Especially now knowing that these people are actually canaanites who later called themselves Israelites and that while they think they are serving Jesus- they are actually serving the canaanite gods EL (creator if man- deity of men and the deity of patriarchy) Baal and later merged these two entities together which is today named as Yahweh/Jehovah- who is in fact the DEMIURGE- knowing THESE THINGS- I cannot/ will NOT go back to believing in that. I haven’t told my husband or any of my family members about any of the things that I have found… I want to- but I know how this is going to go so I avoid that by being silent and keeping it to myself.
That’s my journey into the occult or to where I am now. Sorry if it sounds like I am all over the place… I hope all is well with you again