Hello, I was a Satanist for about 2 years and quit due to fears/anxieties that I am being tricked into spending eternity into Hell. I hope my messages don’t get deleted because I may even be a Christian? I am here for help and feedback on my bizarre experiences. I will post about these asap. It is really long.
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Welcome @roulettekid . Please tell us more about yourself and any experience you may have in magick. This post doesn’t really tell us anything about you beyond your religious affiliation.
How old are you?
Where do you hail from?
Do you have any practical experience in amgick?
If so, what do you practice and how long have you practiced it?
If not, what areas of magick are you interested in learning?
This is important information to include in your introduction to meet the criteria of our rule.
PS: There are Christian magicians here so no worries about being deleted.
I’m 40, from Sacramento, California. I have about two years of experience in Satanic magick, about 8 years total magick if you count ordinary Christian practices such as praying the catholic rosary and praying to God. I was a Christian for about 5 years before I converted to Satanism. Then, I converted back to Christianity. I have had success with Christian prayers. Now, I am not exactly sure if I am a Christian. I pray to God, Jesus, and the holy Spirit, but know the bible has lies. For example, Jesus says ask anything in my name and I will grant it to you. First I would use magick to protect myself. Are we allowed to say sites where we learned our knowledge from? Joy of Satan. I would use the aura of protection meditation. Also, I would visualize white light on my chakras and aura. I would use the f rune and the satanic rosary to attract money. I would devise my own affirmations and meditations for things like clearing traffic and stopping tics. I have tics constantly and miss being able to completely absolve them through simple affirmations. I used meditations to empower my chakras, expand my aura, and even perform telekinesis. Before coming to Satanism, I would go to daily mass for protection and read the bible throughout the day. I would consider this a form of magick as it would ward off the evil entities. Is it normal for a hairlike substance to manifest when gauging your aura? This would often happen to me. Also, I am followed by drones in the sky only seen at night and am interested in who is following me. The government, the casinos, a private company, or other? I have attempted to post my bizarre experiences and hope it goes through.
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Interesting post, welcome to the forum, curious to know why you converted back to Christianity. As in exactly what prompted you to do this?
I’ve read from JoyofSatan that sometimes when things get tough people turn back to their Christian God. This is what happened to me. I was hospitalized into the psyche ward based on lies from my mother. It turns out that anyone can call your psychiatrist (possibly other doctors as well), say you’re suicidal, and get you committed. Initially, I refused any psyche meds because I knew they would interfere with my meditations and psychic abilities. Then, I learned that it would take a longer time of being in there if I didn’t take the meds. One doctor told me it could be months. So, I went along and took the drugs. The antipsychotics would give me bad akathisia and no doctor there knew about this side effect. I can’t stress enough how terrible this side effect was for me. They didn’t know what was going on with me or how to counter it. It wasn’t until later that my psychiatrist said it was akathisia and prescribed me Cogentin (along with Ativan) to counter it. Also, my paranoid schizophrenic diagnosis is purely based on outside forces, such as spirits or mind control technology causing me to hear voices. One example of proof of this is material reappearing after being picked up, such as cleaning up rubber particles that came off my slippers and vacuuming stuff like dog hair. It would happen repetitively in fairly large quantities so it is not like I was just missing stuff. I believe it was the horrible effects of akathisia and my bad financial situation that caused me to turn back to the Christian God. Also, I fear that even if I was a Satanist, I would get scared when I am about to die, turn back to the Christian God only to be cast into Christian Hell. Whereas, possibly, if I could stick to Satan no matter what, I could be saved from eternal damnation. Now, it is like I am sticking with the Christian God to avoid eternal damnation. Even when I try to go back to my Satanic meditations, I get really anxious and feel as if I may be being tricked into spending eternity in Hell. So, I go back to the Christian God seeking forgiveness. JoyofSatan says that the goal of Satanism (or at least spiritual Satanism) is to achieve the magnum opus and live forever. Another problem I have is achieving a trance state. I can’t achieve any major accomplishments because I can’t enter trance. I admit I lack the discipline to do so. I demonstrated great discipline in that I would spend one or more hours per day doing power meditations, but I lack motivation being in the state of mind needed to enter trance. I have tried entering trance many times, but never long or often enough. I learned and was still able to do telekinesis without entering trance. Maybe you can still accomplish great things without entering trance.
Your messages won’t get deleted for being a Christian. I love this forum because it is very informative and open to both LHP and RHP. I hope you find success in your path. Post your issues in the other categories. Try journals for your experiences.
Some mothers…sighs…sorry to hear you have been through so much although I would think anti-christian forces would be more poised to help where financial matters are concerned. Wishing you all the success, enlightenment, happiness and peace on your Christian path. I also hope you are far away from your mother 
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