I hate everyone but never more than I hate myself. Swear to god I want to hang myself. Scars adorn my heart. Kept trying until my heart was torn apart. Everyday is the same and I’m sick of it. Sick of myself, and sick of this. Tired of thinking of what if? What if I just slit my wrists and bleed out? Or maybe pull the trigger of the gun that is inside of my mouth. Hang myself while everybody is sleeping. So when my mother wakes up she can’t believe what she’s seeing. A rude awakening that haunts her even when she is dreaming. Or do I keep playing the part ever so perfectly? To preach love even when there is hurt in me. Maybe end my familys life and then proceed to end mine. Am I meant to sleep with pain my entire life time? Don’t judge these words are my crutch and without them I wouldn’t have much. Fuck it I don’t care yeah fuck it I don’t care yeah fuck it I don’t care. So pitiful to see that I’ve placed my emotions for the entire world to see. In hopes that someone else will try to help me. Haha no I’m not okay. Demon in my brain. Late at night I hear him whispering and in the silence I am carefully listening. Asks me if I’m willing to do his bidding and I reply are you kidding? The old me has sadly gone missing. Shedded the old skin for a new one more fitting. Them in the corner I see Lucifer himself just sitting. Thought it was the end but it’s barely the beginning. Heart to heart with myself. I typed all this from the heart and may not make sense. Just venting and ranting is all.
Reminding me of my self before Lucifer approached me…
Stay strong 
It makes a lot of sense. Sometimes simply writing it down helps you maintain. Keep up the good fight! 
Chanting. Direct your raw emotions via chanting. Beads or knots in string help.
Banishing rituals can be used to banish just about anything at all - so learn and master one. It’s time very well spent. So handy to know, practice and use.
[I find nicotine a beautiful mood smoother and thought enhancer. If you don’t smoke, try nasal snuff or oral tobaccos.]
Al.
It could be used as a powerful prayer to release hurt. Words from the heart are strong…
Hey your not worthless! u can pm me anytime and we can talk personally about this… And I can sense the tears and pain you have went thru but don’t worry about it pm me anytime if I can’t help u Im willing to listen to ur problems and give moral support I hope you best of luck! 
You’re angry. You’re angry because you’re frustrated. You’re frustrated because you need things to change and don’t know how. That emotion builds up. Your life experience isn’t long enough to understand what solutions and options you may have.
I believe meditation would greatly benefit you by getting you out of your head.
You wanted change. Here is your answer.
Evoke Lucifer and ask him kindly to pair you with a god that will assist you in meditation and creating positive changes in your limited environment.
Secondly, you had that Eminem style lyrics going on. Write. Songs. About everything around you. Write about that car you see, that bird in the tree, that glob of wasabi, the weather, the temperature, the wind, the water in that puddle…everything not connected to your feelings of frustration. But write about them in a positive way from your heart.
And tell that voice in your head to STFU, you’re evolving and you’re stronger than that!