I don’t really know where to start this, but I need to get it out so meh. As usual if its in the wrong spot tell me. Fair warning before you go any further, I’m just putting my thoughts out trying to make sense of them, so feel free to ignore it entirely, not even sure why I’m putting it here but feel like I should.
These past few days have been rough for me, I have been absolutely exhausted, , emotionally drained, just an all around perfect train wreck. Last night I had a bit too much to drink, and started just talking to King Paimon. Let’s me honest, I’m new to all this, I could have just been talking to myself and was referencing Him because he was suggested to me on another thread I posted, I don’t know. I was having a bit of a breakdown and trying to talk my way through it to not let myself get any worse. I don’t remember hearing anything answer in return, no feeling of something hears me, just me talking like I have done multiple times before trying to level myself down enough to try to sleep. Last night, I actually slept, which considering I deal with insomnia in itself was a miracle I got eight hours of actual sleep.
This morning when I woke up though, I felt, I feel, light. All of my anxiety, all of my worries, are just gone. Hell I woke up this morning and started looking at mother’s day gifts, I haven’t spoken to my mom hardly in what about five years because of the junk she put me through, and suddenly I’m looking at mother’s day gifts and actually considering trying to mend the relationship? I’m very much the type I don’t hold grudges, I hate the actions, not the people. I have nothing in this world against her, as long as she is far away from me basically, and now I’m considering opening back up communication?
I have a job interview Friday, and I’m not even nervous about it. Its my chance to give myself and my family a better life, get us out of this rut that we are stuck in, I’ve been stressed about it since it was set up because I’ve been here so many times before and didn’t get the job, and suddenly my thoughts on it are meh, if I don’t get it then I’ll get a better one soon after? What in the world? I keep a calm cover, I don’t let anyone know when things get to me, because its my job to be strong, to be their rock, but this morning I actually feel calm. I don’t ever remember feeling like this, so my brain is automatically trying to figure out what changed. Did King Paimon hear me and help me? I didn’t even do a ritual or anything, I just had a bit too much to drink and started talking my way through my feelings like I have a thousand times before, but I’ve never woken up feeling like this before. I am sitting here thinking about it, and I can’t even come up with an explanation. If it was King Paimon, I need to come up with a way to thank him
