So Ive been interested in succubi and incubi for many many years… 16 years in fact. Due to my Christian programming when I was younger, I was unfortunately unable to have a proper full on experience.
During the early years of wanting one of these experiences I actually had several encounters with sexual spirits, but none of them progressed very far beyond a couple of minutes due to a large amount of fear and guilt as well as me still believing in the christian bs.
I would often end up fantasizing for hours about such experiences, only to end up repenting later and feeling so much guilt. This happened again, and again, and again over the years.
It happened so often in fact that I began to develop what I believe to be a mental/energetic block. I had fantasized so many times and received nothing that doubt started to build within my mind. Not doubt that these spirits were real, but doubt that it would ever happen. As nothing ever seemed to happen after a certain point in time. With every fantasy that crossed my mind the doubt was ultimately reinforced when nothing happened.
Ironically during the early years when I had some of these very brief and limited encounters I recall having an almost unshakeable belief that “something” would happen, and sometimes it did…albeit briefly. Aaaand of course… then I would freak out, repent, feel shitty for a while about myself, then rinse, and repeat.
I find my sexual energies are most active when I have some level of anticipation of a sexual encounter, be it human or spirit. Its the anticipation of knowing “something” is going to happen that seems to rev me up.
So the problem now is I no longer feel any sense of anticipation regarding a succubus encounter. I dont really fantasize as much as I used to because it doesnt rev me up anymore. I simply dont seem to believe its possible. I cannot seem to build the neccesary sexual energy levels high enough to attract one of these spirits because of this.
So to summarize I have MASSIVE doubt and if somehow I manage to overcome the doubt I am certain that I would be quite anxious about the potential encounter. I recently paid for a succubus encounter from a well known occult service provider. One whom I trust and know to be legitimate. When the night of the encounter came around I was ridiculously anxious. Anxiety/fear being a blocking energy, nothing happened… And yet again, the doubt was reinforced.
How do I force an encounter with a succubus? I am not saying I want to be raped, but I want one of these spirits to pursue me relentlessly until I finally believe in the experience and the doubt is gone. They would have to want to PUSH hard to get my attention, they would have to WORK to raise my sexual energies. It would have to be a very deliberate concerted effort made on their part REGARDLESS of my anxiety level, doubt, or low sexual energies. So far, I dont believe any spirit has attempted to make an effort like this. Probably because of the level of effort that would be involved in making something happen before they could feed on the sexual energies. Its easier to move on to someone else.
Thoughts? What to do?