Thanks
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I think you should see this as a good trait in yourself. Thinking a lot is not necessarily a problem unless you get off track in what you are attempting to achieve.
With your very strong mind and internal dialogue, geared towards achievement, well, you should be utterly unstoppable.
If you reign in your thoughts to choose the positive more often than the negative then you will see improvements along the way. Thinking deeply into a situation might be the very thing that works for youā¦ as long as you tune your thoughts into succeeding.
Since you say you think a lot why not try reading some Neville Goddard and take a look at @anon97554939ās topic on using your energy to implant thoughts into others?
These approaches might work better for you than rituals and with Keteriyaās technique (and you donāt always have to put the thought into others minds, you can simply create the thought as something you want to be) you can use the fact that you think a lot to help you build new realities.
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Try this, do it for 1 month at least than try to some ritual or spells.
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ā I donāt really believe that they will help me, ā
Thatās why.
I empathize, I was a materialist atheist academic before I got into all this. I laughed at people like me, how gullible, etc.
Fast forward ā¦
I felt like I was losing my mind. All these terrible things happened to me and my life was miserable and I couldnāt understand why. I was in psychological agony.
Then one time I stumbled upon an article about how these āmental symptoms ā I kept having could be interpreted as spiritual attack. I was so desperate, I cried out mentally for help and protection and IMMEDIATELY everything was fine. Like a switch.
After that I made the conscious decision to suspend my judgment. I decided to try out this occult stuff that I was drawn to when I was a kid but had scoffed at as an adult.
So I did what good scientists do and researched the fuck out of magick. I also contacted an old friend who had always claimed to do magick (I used to tease her about it) and asked a lot of questions.
So I made the conscious decision to to believe in the reality of spirits and the truth of magick and energy beyond our current abilities to measure objectively.
I did some sigil work from the GoM book and all of it worked. So I said to myself, it doesnāt matter if this is āreallyā magick, or just coincidence and my imagination, but life is getting better, thereās a whole new world to explore, Iām starting to get what I want so, I choose to believe.
Iāve had to juggle my thoughts and bracket things off. Itās a true suspension of disbelief. The better I get at this, the better the magick seems to work. Itās definitely true that I sometimes am pleasantly surprised when results come out of the blue when Iām not even thinking about them. And grateful.
Magick does work but it is fundamentally subjective. Iāve experienced SO many incredible things, but if I had not experienced them and had heard them from anyone else I would think they were nuts. Really.
So that all being said, maybe you could read through the GoM sigil book and try a few simple things. Believe it will work, youāre hacking the universe. The sigils are the technology, tap into that tech using the recommended methods.
And practice! I said they worked, but that doesnāt mean they worked instantly or on the first try.
Oh and try different traditions! For example, I donāt mesh with Wicca or witchcraft. It just feels wrong to me, all the stuff and the rhyming. I donāt think I could get a single magickal result if I tried witchcraft. Thatās just a quick example, but maybe youāll mesh with energy work, or draconian magick, or mental magick, or chaos based magick, or ceremonial magick, or root magick, or Christian magick, or Daoist magick, or Egyptian magick, or rosary magick, or crystal magick ā¦ see my point?
That is if you want to try magick again at all. If you truly read through the magick books cover to cover (this is actually really important in magick) and you just feel done then find something else to focus on and forget about magick right now. If itās for you get pulled back into it eventually.
And I just blessed you with magickal results. That is, I did if you believe I did. Otherwise, in your world, I definitely didnāt.
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expectations are a bitch
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Lightly seems you are in conflict with yourself. Iou can just unite your parts āone by oneā. Like do or not do but donāt be confused. If you allow freedom from conflict you will see clearly all your partis. This is the right way of opening chakras, suppressed desires.
H know your mind, is a seeker of perfect balance, but only in like 20 years can somebody reach Lillumination into the Heart of Divine Mother and reach Ascension if you cat.
This clear, light, ordered way is the only way I can imagine it.
Tbh maybe this kind of approach might not be for you if you just cant seem to get it right, but thats nothing to be down about. There are many different approaches to spiritual development, and all of them are just as valuable and beautiful as this one. Like for me, i have the opposite dilemma as youā¦i manifested a fuck ton of shit i dont even want all so methodically and precisely blended in with everything i could ever desire. In a way ALL my manifeststions come true, good as well as bad (thankfully my underlying intention comes from a genuine place of sincerityā¦otherwise i would have been fucked for sure). Im saying this because for some people, this is basically like the only real option we have, yet for others, this might not be the best path for you. Maybe your higher self is intervening for your highest good 
idkā¦but definitely dont give up on your spiritual journey regardless. On a side note, there is an amazing book called the Prosperity Bible. It contains like over 10ā¦maybe 20ā¦classics on manifeststion and whatnot. Maybe you will find something there thst will help. Also check out Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts
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I like rituals. Itās very beautiful and symbolic, especially Ceremonial Magic, the best ritual work Iāve ever seen. Iām sure you want to help, but I could. Ceremonial magic is the basic magic that a magician must master. To be honest, Iām offended that I still canāt, and Iām even very ashamed