Last weekend I broke with my girlfriend, because of specific reasons not relevant to be made public here. There was absolutely not infidelity, but there was a situation where she should have priorized me over other persons and she couldn’t, she simply couldn’t, and for a period of 3 days, where she had enough time to think and re-think what was most important in her life. And that for me was a betrayal.
She apogolized later, still does, but I simply had enough, it’s the 2nd. time it happens amongst other things, and I can’t forgive her. Simply I can not.
After nearly a bottle of wine last night, I tried to seek revenge. Focalor was the first thing that came to me. Focalor and Andromalius.
I am an experienced magician since years. Drawn the sigils, drawn my intention sigil, started the ritual, but didn’t lit the candles. I put the music to perform the ritual, about to pour some drops of blood on the altar… all the usual things.
But couldn’t. All of a sudden I felt asleep … 4am or more.
Today I tried to continue from where I left, totally sober, perform a ritual to take revenge on her… but I couldn’t either. Didn’t feel the “RAGE” to do something like this.
While preparing my meal, I just put Focalor enn on my cell phone for nearly an hour, meditated with the Duke, and you know what? The feeling was different to what we think Focalor is… the feeling, the message was not to do it because it was going to backfire me.
The image of a new, yet unkown black haired woman, came to me all of a sudden. Instead of feelings of revenge and hate, I was filled with images of hope and new beginnings.
Fiinished my meal, picked up all the sigils I draw yesterday and declared firmly that I didn’t want to take revenge on my ex. Nothing was burnt or offered. The intention was firmly cancelled. And I feel peace.
“New beginnings” are the only 2 words that Focalor gave me, instead of proceeding with vengeance. I didn’t feel to cry or anything, nor tears on His presence. I felt constantly, at least today that I am sober enough, something like “are you really sure of what you are going to do?”
Like a father, or friend that is warning you of something.