Fixing initiatory problems

In my spiritual path i have experienced and seen some things and beings that i cannot unsee or forget, but my spiritual path was sadly a great failure which resulted in me almost dying and suffering for a long period of time, probably mainly becouse of my own mistakes and also other interferences.

For a long time i wanted and tried to forget everything occult and convince myself that it is not real, but shit just comes flying back remmembering me about the other side and everything that it has hidden underneath the material world of veil.

Now material world pushes me away everytime it has opportunity, wishing me to die and leave all this ‘lie’ and blinded ignorant people. And spiritual world also has a negative effect on me everytime i even try to read a fucking book on occult, my mind tries to turn against me.

What is fucking wrong with me? Why i can’t even read any of the occult stuff no more without my mind trying to fuck me up? And what spiritual initiation level is this and how can i fucking fix it and go forward with spiritual practises without my mind trying to sabotage and fuck up all my progress?

This sounds like a multifaceted issue that might be a journey in itself to get through. I would start by breaking it down to separate areas and at the same time, look for external influences like parasites, ancestral issues/curses and environmental energetics that could be negatively affecting you.

If you feel comfortable, can you elaborate on how this happens with an example? What does “push me away” mean? Do he people you interact with just annoy the crap out of you or are you being attacked, that sort of thing?

How does this fuckery manifest? What thoughts do you get and what are you reading?
This one is more open to possible parasite influence, where something is leveraging the old issues to get you riles up so it can eat that energy.

What spiritual hygiene practices do you have in your toolbox to clear and balance your energy and get rid of unwanted influences?

Um, maybe the "the world is messy and you need good waterproof boots" level :slight_smile: This doesn’t happen to everyone.

Find out the why and the how, and you can fix the underlying causes. This is probably going to take some dee shadow work and take a while, but it will be worth it. :slight_smile:

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Everything went downhill fast after i read the Initiation into Hermetics by Franz Bardon. After reading it i was heavily attacked by evil spirits and everything in between. Then i tried every occult book and practise on spiritual protection, all the salting, shielding and did all big and small rituals from Damon Brand book called Magickal Protection. It helped somewhat, but not a lot. Mostly i experienced attacks on my psyche and my mental being. I started developing bad anxiety and horrible panic attacs from which i ended up in hospital multiple times.

Also random people outside would start being hostile and rude to me from nowhere and i was followed by a bunch of black ravens when this was happening. Also i live by the sea, so the mermaids and all the paranormal things that live in there would harass me, to the point that i could no longer go to the beach, becouse i felt that the mermaids was also causing people in the beach to be extra rude towards me.

This fuckery manifests in spinning thoughts to the point of panick attack and its mostly disturbing thoughts of harm towards myself, which i never got before dabbling in the occult. For example i wanted to read H.B.Blavatsky book Isis Unveiled or The Secret Doctrine and i only can manage to read few pages until my mind starts spinning and i get panic attacks, which doesn’t happen otherwise. And it follows by starting to hear unsettling voices in my mind telling me horrible things. It is like i open the gates of the wrong doors. It annoys me so fucking much. Also it follows with visits from the black shadowy people, following all electronics malfunctioning and then seeing serpent eyes staring at me.

It feels like the dark forces or something like that are fucking up my progress forward, keeping me stagnant in my place and preventing me from even reading stuff on occult.

I hate this situation so fucking much becouse after experienced and seen the underlaying forces and beings around us, i just cannot pretend and forget that it doesn’t exist, but i feel like i am being prevented of spiritual progress and it fucking sucks.

That makes sense, everything you point to are classic hallmarks of parasite ad/or psychic attack. The anxiety, panic attacks, and people acting strangely towards you. For me it bee lighter and feels like dread, that something is coming that’s really wrong but everything visibly looks normal.

For me, when I was being parasitised, the usual protection methods were like closing the hen house after the fox got in. The things were embedded in my energy system, so wards and shields are no good. You use those as prevention.

Wit really intractable parasites, you can get them out by first identifying them individually, then attacking them directly. Make it personal and intend to kill them, not get banish.

The next piece that may be relevant here, is these exist on multiple levels of reality, as we do, so you can remove them from one layer, and they re still existing at another level, so you have to methodically root them out in every place you find them. So, mental first as that sounds like the main hangout, but also qi body, emotional body, etheric body and physical. And maybe multiple times as they’ll dodge and hide and you have to go back and keep hitting them until it’s done.

For the effect on others, a shield around you keeping the negative energy in can help, but if it’s bunch of entities and some are jumping to the other people, like fleas, that won’t do so much.

I do recommend The Exorcists Handbook by Josephine McCarthy for vision work techniques that are a completely different current. They may not recognise the current as “occult” because it’s written by a more RHP author, and stealth is good here.

Finally, I don’t often encourage outside help and most issues can be solved with education, but this sounds heavy and a consult with E.A. to exorcise these might be worth it. He doesn’t talk about this aspect a lot in his books, but he’s very experienced with the subject and will know what to do, exorcism is on the list in his offering.

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So you think that the main problem that is preventing me from reading and practising occult books is parasites and not other entities? Can it be that some bigger forces is at work here and is fucking with me? Becouse i think i can recknognize parasites and dealt with them, but also i had a huge amount of entities showing themselves to me.

I cannot move apartmens without demons following me back and making known their presence that they know i moved and i cannot run from them or something.

I often hear sounds and words of a language that is inhuman, mostly following with flashes of serpent eyes. Also it is often accompanied by sounds of strong hissing. I think that i maybe connected somehow to the djin or demons at this point. But i am not sure what is their business with me.

“Parasite” refers to the motivation and behaviour, which is feeding, any entity can behave parasitically, and they come in all shapes and sizes. The best known one is Ywhw itself, which is, imo, a massive overfed parasite.

I would look at the motivation. Plain chaotic fuckery is a feeding activity, something “bigger”, which I’m reading to mean, more intelligent and self directed, should have an agenda… Is there an agenda?

I would take them on a case by case basis, I don’t want to assume who is doing what without more info. Which entities, how do you know it’s that entity, knowing parasites LOVE to namedrop and always lie about being A List celebs when they’re not.

This fits with the shadow people aspect, that you may have attracted reptilian entities. I have seen reptilian eyes in meditating a few times, but they are as surprised to see me as I am to see them, and they go away quickly.

It’s helped me a lot to go on the offensive, it sent out a message not to bother me, and the eyes went away, I never have parasite issues any more.

Does it matter? They are trespassing on your space. Withdraw permission in no uncertain terms by attacking them, beating the shit out of them and reclaim your space. These things understand might, they have no compassion, so you can’t reason wit them, you have to make them go away, on pain of death if they stay.

We have a ton of topics about how to get rid of parasites or related unwanted entities… You know you can do this, because you said it works but not enough, but, the basics aren’t working, so if you want them gone it’s time to up the ante.

After that, just the fact that you’re frustrated and giving of tasty negative energy will attract more parasites to feed. The problem gets worse over time.

On this comment:

Also check for negging Radio Frequency signals that are carried on house wiring and embedded subliminally into ambient noise. This is unfortunately a real and very human thing, also called electronic harassment, and you may not be able to always hear the voices but they are always negative. Here’s an example of analysis by an adio expert able to isolate the voices from the carrier sounds, of someone who was harassed into thinking he was schizophrenic, but probably wasn’t.

In this case, a death curse aimed at the owner of the voice can help. It’s usually a bot but a death curse acts to remove the influence from our life permanently and ca still work. Whatevr you do, do not respond or act on anything said, as that makes it worse.

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Yes i have experienced that responding to voices i hear makes it worse. Also those beings whatever they are, sometimes touch my phone and turn on and off the screen and music. One time i was laying in bed and next to me on the night table was laying on table my phone unplugged and etc. Then i saw this dark hand reaching out for my phone and touching its screen and the screen turned on. Other times they fuck with videos im watching, replacing peoples eyes with serpent eyes and then i get 99 black pictures in my gallery meaning you probably know what… They super easily interfere with technology. It is almost they always know what you do or think and often i get answers from tv im watching to the point of super synchronisity, like somebody is watching me from other side and want to comment of what i am doing or thinking exactly at the moment. Shit gets super scary and freaky fast.

Can it be that karma from past lives or some bad astrological placement in my natal chart is fucking things up for me?

Becouse in the initiatory path like of H.B. Blavatsky is and others, i heard that when you take on spiritual initiation then these trials begin to happen in material world, when material world is slowly pushing you away from it, and the faster you advance spiritually the more bad karma that is accumulated from past lives catches up on you. Sometimes hundrends and thousands of lifetime karma falls upon you immediately. And some stage (maybe third?) is when everybody leaves you and you are fucking left alone without no one and nobodys help and no being or spirits answers your call and then something horrible and super scary happens and if you endure it, then you are over your worst trial and you are on your next higher initiation.

There were also mentioned about if you make mistakes then you fallback the spiritual initiatory steps. Becouse there are levels on spiritual path, and each level has its own trials. This was from speech from one of H.P. Blavatsky’s students. It also said that the spiritual Masters choose their students and not otherwise and the potential candidats to spiritual initiation is selected by Masters which then they give and do something energetically to their students which allows their spiritual initiation and to process fully all the new information and withouth this process and help from the Masters and Great teachers the students and people who seeking occult knowledge are risking greatly, becouse their mental energetical bodies (or something like that) could not take it and then disturbances in the mind starts to occur. Basically that without the help of the spiritual Master you are fucked and cannot really advance the spiritual initiation path.

Yeah, out of interest, do you find if you go for a hike in a large park and you don’t take your phone, do the voices stop then?

So, you have to be very careful with the Karma thing, which has been hijacked, abused for power and is heavily parasitised itself, to the point where it’s not what they tell you and the word becomes useless. I say I don’t believe in Karma for this reason… the Hindu version, which is where Blavatsky got it from, is corrupted by those in power for purposes of retaining power, kind of like the JCI version of sin, which is also fake.

From an occult perspective, the idea is now polluted, misunderstood and misused beyond it’s usefulness. Blavatskys use of it is an extension of that misunderstanding and perpetuates the abuse.
All in my opinion of course, I’m outspoken about my contempt for “Karma” and all abuses by the power hungry and attention seekers.

it’s not that I don’t understand that past life experiences have impacts and make changes in your system they certainly do, and cross life relationships can be created, but it’s not about this system of “you’re being abused now because you have to pay” bullshit. That’s where people justify being abused to themselves, a blame the victim mentality, and it’s a trap that simply isn’t true.

So one thing to do is stop blaming yourself for being attacked and thinking you deserve it, which is a way to give these things permission to mess with you. You don’t deserve it, and they don’t need permission. Take back your power. This is one step to do that.

This makes no sense. If you get a maths problem wrong in 4th grade do you go back to redo all the stuff you already did in 3rd? No, you practice.

Magick is a skill, and you learn through practice.

No this is not true and another trap. I call dogma.

You will find this hierarchy in human created programs or “initiatory orders” as a way to chunk up the work and find ways to pretend they have value to the student. Marketing 101 says scarcity sells, make something look out of reach and it’s more valuable and you’ll do what they want to get it. It’s a control tactic. And great marketing.

You know what really exemplifies learning? a change in behaviour, which leads to results. Labeling given behaviours as “levels” is completely fake, and denies individuality… you can have people that naturally have some skills and can’t manage others their whole lives. People that are great in one area only, and others that are jacks of all trades but don’t get strong psychic abilities in anything. We’re not in grade school here, everyone my learn themselves and find the god within.

I have never heard such self sabotaging bullshit in the occult since the last time I talked to a xtian lol. This is not occultism at all, it’s right hand path, making a JCI style religion of the ascendeds. It’s telling you to give your power away. You’re better off readng the red letters of Jesus, at least he was correct.

He WAS an ascended master, and he explains very clearly, god is within. Listen, you’re human, and that means something very important: being human is HARD, it takes a strong and experienced spirit to even be able to handle incarnating at all, let alone survive and thrive, in the first place. HUmans put themselves down all the time and it’s a lie.

Every single one of us got here on this planet because we’re that good. What you have to do, is remember. You don’t need any grandiose self servicing gurus, withholding knowledge based on some external judgement of you. You already know everything, and you don’t need them to tell you.

It’s true that the ascended can ascend other people, but they never do that. The reason they never do that, is because your own higher self IS an ascended and doesn’t want that, its doesn’t help you in your groeth in the big picture, so they respect it’s wishes… You don’t need people pretending the ascended masters are the only ones that can bring you your skills, that’s a lie anyway, you roll up your sleeves and you practice and learn them ourself, that’s what’s wanted.

I’m hearing that you’ve been very good at learning how to give away your power and be controlled.

But to solve this parasite problem you have to reverse that and stand in your own power.

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Thanks a lot for all your messages and advice. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and i will be thinking on the insights you provided. Thanks again for all the information and advice you have shared.

I don’t really know, becouse i don’t always have these voices and i am mostly always with my phone, so i couldn’t know for sure. Anyways there are different types of voices and most of them usually appear when i’m falling asleep and when i’m in deep resting state. Also i noticed that i could no longer fall asleep to healing hypnosis or podcats, becouse the words that they are saying often times gets hijacked and distorted into other rude or hateful words. Maybe its my brain playing tricks on me, but more often these days i more and more prefer silence especially when falling asleep.

Other than that i sometimes hear high pitched noise in my left or right ear following by some white orb flashes in front of me, and i usually take it as underdeveloped clairaudience or something like that.

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You might also be very highly sensitive, as well as having attracted some nasties, and you can hear them where others can’t. I “hear” silliness in trance states as well, but it’s just nonsense, like I can hear myself dreaming.

I haven’t learned this, but Remote Viewers who have become so sensitive through ambiance training that they can’t go to restaurants without being overwhelmed by the “noise” of everyone’s emotions and thoughts, learn to “dial down the volume”. I think they visualise a volume knob and turn it down to focus that intention. But that’s possible.

One last thing to mention: you can also practice “raising your vibration”, which means deliberately filling your heart with feelings of love. Then radiate that love out to the rest of the house, like light spilling into every corner the shadows can’t exist where it shines. That energy is unpalatable and can even make you invisible to negative entities.

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Funny you said that, becouse i have dabbled in remote viewing for some time, trying to scan and feel the objects which are encoded in numbers as you know. Actually my practise in remote viewing was at the same time i trained in the initiation in hermetics book. My mistake was that progressed to advanced exercises without fully perfected the beggining ones and i was also very highly emotionally damaged and sensitive at that time as i was having some issues with problematic people in my life. I was constantly crying, sad depressed and probably that way when i was super sensitive i atttacted the nasty spirits and parasites who fed on my fragility of feelings.

For two years straight i suffered horrible panic attacs and struggled to get outside of my house, and every time i was in a restaurant and shopping mall i was always super overwhelmed and feeling like i’m going to pass out.

I had trained myseld to feel invisible walls that other people imagined in the room and telling exactly where it is and for almost to years to this day i cannot watch anything disturbing or graphic, becouse i pick up all the messed up energy.

Like i said i trained myself to be super sensitive to the point that i could no longer function normally, was afraid to go outside and my thoughts was constantly manifested back to me, either through electronics or through other people. I thought that i was going end up in mental hospital and i almost did, becouse i couldn’t handle the world in this kind of super sensitive and responsive state. So i had to leave all my practise and love for occult studies alone. Some of my abilities sometimes comes back randomly, but ofcourse the more i leave it alone, the less weird shit i expierience.

Other annoying thing that is left from my poor training is that i cannot no longer dance fully and loose myself in music, becouse somehow i manage when dancing to always go into trance and connect to some beings even if i don’t have no intention of doing that. Also the alcohol is off limits for me i think for the rest of my life, becouse even a little sip of it sents me straight into the cthonic current. So basically no loosening up for me no more in this life if i dont want to get possesed.

I once did that when i was feeling attacked and some being said to me ‘hypocrite’ and then i saw these huge round gates with some symbols around them. I guess i was hypocrite becouse i tried to elevate my being by raising my vibration with feelings of love and compassion when actually in life i was feeling quite the opposite. It is hard to me sometimes to generate these high vibration feelings becouse the world and people around me often than not make me feel all sorts of strong negative feelings. I wish there was a way to protect myself and also to allow myself to feel sad and angry if i am at that momment.

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Listening to liars doesn’t bring you truth. These things are feeding on you, it’s in their interests to tell you whatever it takes to keep that going. That sounds like a good response though, if what you were doing got a reaction it’s working. Nothing these things say should be given any credit, listened to or responded to, especially when they’re trying to throw you off your game.

That’s not hypocrisy. It’s exactly how to find a way to feel more positive in life… It has to start somewhere. right. There is an old adage: “change yourself to change your world”.

Well I’m practically a hermit for this reason, lots of the world is very harsh, and I only deal with good people on a limited basis. It’s worth the effort and practice and it does get easier. Stay grounded, remember none of it is personal, pamper yourself from time to time, and take great care of your energy to clean out unwanted energy after an unpleasant encounter.

It’s also worth trying the lightworker’s technique of “allowing” aka the “art of not giving a fuck”, because other people’s stuff is not your business. And at the same time cultivate a quick and easy return to sender gesture that instantly deflects unwanted energy on the spot. I use the metal :metal: sight in a “shove it” (flipping the bird style) motion while breathing out rapidly. :smiley:

All sorts of little tools like that can build a toolbox that covers any issue as it arises.

That sounds like something to work on after the current problem is fixed. :slight_smile: One step at a time.

I would go back to the things that have worked so far, and double down… this sounds like one of them. Maybe give the Josephine McCarthy book a go. There’s a good amount of reading between the lines to do with her stuff but it works and you have the awareness to adjust and adapt on the fly.

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I’ll be definatelly going to give that book a try. Actually i just now bought it on kindle and can’t wait to read it, becouse the contents in it do sound very interesting and promising.

Thanks a lot for your help and information that you shared with me. I feel very grateful for all that you wrote. Your words of advice is just what i needed to hear at the moment. You helped a lot and inspired me to not give up and to try again. Many thanks!

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I can’t believe I am asking this, but who do you live with? Who are you closest family and friends? Sometimes, it is the person closest to you that is the source of all the negative energy, sensitivities etc.

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I live with a person, who is quite the opposite of me and doesn’t believe any of the spiritual occult stuff and is quite easily offended and annoyed with small stuff. But on the other hand i have one close friend who is like sunshine and are always honest and supportive of me. I cutted ties with all negative people and now i’m more protective of my energy and whom i let into my space. Ofcourse the world around is full of all sorts of negative people and negativity also sometimes manifests in me in some ways, so i’m not gonna say that i am perfect, cause i’m not.

Anyways i found out that i cannot let myself be negative for long period of times becouse it really drains my energy and then i start to fell ill and lower level entities tend to show themselves when i am low, so i always try to put myself up in higher moods just to be safe what energy i attract. Ofcourse i found and learned it the hard way to be careful with thoughts and stong feelings of any sorts, becouse it can manifest unpredictably sometimes

This may sound strange but, a person does not have to believe in any of this stuff at all to be the source of it. Also, spellwork can effect atheists and skeptics, both for good and for bad.

Also, I highly do not recommend toxic positivity of any sort. It is better to face negative emotions for what they are rather than simply pretend they don’t exist.

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I face negative emotions, but i try to not let them destroy or control me. It’s better try to overcome them than to dwelve in them and let them consume you. I’ve done that and almost lost myself, my health and my mind. Not anymore. I think before when i was an emotional mess i probably attracted some parasites who fed on my suffering and pain which made things worse and harder for me to get better at that time.

Just a thought… it might not help at all with the wholesomeness of your case, and the obvious problems you seem to have, but I need to say that very often in my experience people are hiding their connection to the occult, and many devoted cursers tend to claim the magical domain is a foolish joke, to seem mediocre normal human beings.
Don’t bet your life on believing someone doesn’t give credit to existence of the occult just because they claim it. If they live with you and they see what you go through, they might easily start to believe it. If they still don’t, something should be off. Weird at least.

Just a thought…

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