My fellow magician I feel for your situation. Do this meditation and then PM me and I will help you further. I understand you have sustained damage but the brain is an amazing thing. Go see the film the Dead Zone based on the book The Dead Zone by Stephen King. There are areas of the brain that are so to speak dead zones until activated due to some situation. Also go see the film Dr. Strange.
You are far from helpless and you will become stronger and conquer your affliction. F.D.R. cured his paralysis by going into a room alone and focusing his mind on raw conquest of his affliction. I know 100% that this universe is you. I was diagnosed with learning disability. When I first had my experience with the Thoth/Mercury current through Merlin I learned the techniques to bypass the short term memory that was disfunctional and submit information directly to the long term for permanent storage effectively giving myself a photographic memory by default. But if I’m drinking forget about it. Lol
We can work through anything.