Hi guys, Just wanted to say first of all thanks for welcoming me into the online forum. I’ve never belonged to anything like this and it’s cool to read everyone’s experiences and learn new things.
I’m just feeling down and want to talk to someone. Please I ask no rude comments because what I’m going to share was deeply personal and I don’t want to hear people make fun of me.
My mom passed in August. I don’t want to share all the details but it was really sad and I was able to see her for the 3 last days on earth. She had a disease and it hurt really bad to see her wasted away and hallucinating from all the medication.
Despite her state and some pretty fucked up and scary ramblings about how she could hear people screaming , she thought I was evil, etc… her state did clear up and I was able to have one, last , meaningful conversation and hug with my mom. The next morning she passed. I sat with her body in the room for 2 hours as we waited for them to come take her. I spoke to her sitting talking to her dead body like as if she was there. …I genuinely believed she was close by listening. Since that very day i began my path beginning with IFA and that is where I am at trying to develop in espiritismo with my boveda and developing tarot. It’s all come together in the smallest ways here and there but I am beginning to understand the bigger picture.
I was adopted and in foster homes as a baby. And the adoption was closed so by the time I could legally search for my birth mother she had died also and no one know who my real father was.
Anyway I’m sorry I’m just feeling really emotional about it. I tried to go to the boveda tonight and speak with my mom but sometimes I just can’t either I get a flood of memories with her and my grandmothers (I forgot to mention they all three died within 10 days of each other last August) the memories aren’t even memories it’s like I’m literally taken back to those places down to smells and hearing but it feels too strong . Either that or I just stand there and stare at their pictures.
Im very glad that I have found this way and I can communicate with muertes/saints. But I’m not going to lie sometimes I miss them so goddamm much. I miss having them here.
I’m really sorry there is no topic here and no one has to answer I guess I just needed to write my experience why I started working with the dead. And get it out because it was painful
Like I said please no one be rude