Feeling stupid

Hi guys, Just wanted to say first of all thanks for welcoming me into the online forum. I’ve never belonged to anything like this and it’s cool to read everyone’s experiences and learn new things. :sunglasses:

I’m just feeling down and want to talk to someone. Please I ask no rude comments because what I’m going to share was deeply personal and I don’t want to hear people make fun of me.

My mom passed in August. I don’t want to share all the details but it was really sad and I was able to see her for the 3 last days on earth. She had a disease and it hurt really bad to see her wasted away and hallucinating from all the medication.

Despite her state and some pretty fucked up and scary ramblings about how she could hear people screaming , she thought I was evil, etc… her state did clear up and I was able to have one, last , meaningful conversation and hug with my mom. The next morning she passed. I sat with her body in the room for 2 hours as we waited for them to come take her. I spoke to her sitting talking to her dead body like as if she was there. …I genuinely believed she was close by listening. Since that very day i began my path beginning with IFA and that is where I am at trying to develop in espiritismo with my boveda and developing tarot. It’s all come together in the smallest ways here and there but I am beginning to understand the bigger picture.

I was adopted and in foster homes as a baby. And the adoption was closed so by the time I could legally search for my birth mother she had died also and no one know who my real father was.

Anyway I’m sorry I’m just feeling really emotional about it. I tried to go to the boveda tonight and speak with my mom but sometimes I just can’t :pensive::cry: either I get a flood of memories with her and my grandmothers (I forgot to mention they all three died within 10 days of each other last August) the memories aren’t even memories it’s like I’m literally taken back to those places down to smells and hearing but it feels too strong . Either that or I just stand there and stare at their pictures.

Im very glad that I have found this way and I can communicate with muertes/saints. But I’m not going to lie sometimes I miss them so goddamm much. I miss having them here.

I’m really sorry there is no topic here and no one has to answer I guess I just needed to write my experience why I started working with the dead. And get it out because it was painful

Like I said please no one be rude


Welcome to the forum buddy :heart:!
No one on this forum is rude. We respect each other and accept everyone except those That are trying to shove religion down our throat. And the rude people . I sorry for your loss :confounded: it made me sad to…


You just needed to get it out, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. I don’t think anyone here will make fun of you, they are a lot more understanding than any other online place I’ve been. :slight_smile:

Have you tried to call to your family? I don’t know if it would help you right now but your ancestors might be right there next to you wanting to help you. I get the feeling they are and want you to know they haven’t left you.


My heart goes out to you so much… I’m crying a little… welcome to your new family brother. You’re not stupid.


Thank u to all of you

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So sorry for your loss. Know that her spirit is only a thought, prayer, or whisper away! She will always be with you!


Welcome to the family. Try reaching out to your ancestors they’re there for you.

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I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I hope you too will meet again in the astral realm soon enough.


I know I don’t know you, reading your story my heart mourns, I am married to my Orisha and anybody who is married to their Orisha knows that there is only one entity that comes before the Orisha we serve, and that is our mother, the one who risked her life to bring life to us. My heart is with you. When we are in spiritual and emotional pain the messages from the spirits can be difficult to pick up on as there is a lot of spiritual “static” for lack of a better term.
@Gitana7 do you have an Eggun altar outside?
If not maybe set one up, get a color photocopied picture of your Mother and put it there, I say photocopy as the sun has a tendency to bleach nice photos.
Also I think you should get a bunch of sweet fruit clean your self off and throw it in a river, if you do this and you get emotional and start crying don’t worry literally let it all out cry into the river if you need to, because the tears are for your mother the river spirit will not be offended and they will listen to you. My deepest condolences go out to you in your loss.
I will also back my friend @FraterMagni on this. She is with you always!
Live to honor her, and treat life like she is right there in the room with you at all times and make her proud, because she is there.
Many blessings to you. Keep your chin up and don’t ever try to convince yourself that your stupid, you are a magnificent creation in his image and that image is perfection.


Thank you so much for this