I am not very active on the forum in terms of discussions, but read it regularly. Came here once my journey started for real after whole life trying to hide the fact that I am drawn to magic, satanism and demons, looking for advice, help, knowledge, which all of them I found. It was intense, new, exciting and completely exotic and much of the work I have done was guided by my intuition. Then, I was given a guardian, a teacher and the process sped up. Too much I’d say so I asked to slow down. In December 2022 I formally devoted myself to Satan and finally felt free. Side note: I wasn’t raised in religious family, on the contrary, and was always drawn to dark things, so to speak, occultism, necromancy and felt like Satan was very close. I call Him Father Satan, yes, I am theistic satanist. But that’s not about it. For a couple of months now I feel like I am unable to perform rituals, like I am not heard and whatever I do, doesn’t work, no one hears, no one answers. I used to be able to enter trance fairly easily and communicate with my guardian clearly, even without many ritualistic items (as he said himself, those are only items he doesn’t care about “though sandalwood incense is welcome” as he said once). I learned a lot, experienced a lot. But recently I noticed I am just incapable of focusing, I don’t hear anything, I don’t “feel it”. I feel like all the work I used to do is not possible to continue. I learned a lot about Tarot and was presented with lessons I’d never expect to learn. I was given a clear goal, something I was expected to do and felt great to know that I have a purpose, a duty of sort to fulfill. I was given names of demons I should get familiar with, for they can aid me in my journey. I haven’t even called them yet and it was over a year when I found out about them. I feel like something inside me is blocking everything. I did the banishing ritual several months ago, thinking there’s something from the other side trying to make me turn back, it felt better for some time but now I don’t even feel like I can banish even the tiniest entity.
I was forced to remove any ritual objects from the place I live in and now I feel bad about it. It wasn’t much but it was something I felt being sacred, tiny portable altar because I cannot have stationary one, but now it’s all gone. Sure, I heard many times those are only items, but they were important. Thinking about rebuilding it but… not sure I have the strength, like something is telling me “not worth it, you will fail again and get rid of stuff because you’re weak and cannot even defend your beliefs”. A terrible silent voice.
Has anyone experienced something like this? If yes, how did you overcome it? I am unable to manifest anything, to enter deep communion like I used to. I admit my life is a bloody mess because of one particular person and I thought sending minor curse to them would work. I tried that, almost worked and I’m glad it didn’t work to its fullest because they would die, which is not exactly what I want. I can’t even ask my guardian for help because - I think, I feel like - he keeps silence for months now. Or maybe I lost the ability to see the signs he used to show me.
Apologies for a bit chaotic text, if you need clarification on something, ask me, if it is to help you asses the situation and perhaps share your experiences.
i have experienced many times feeling immensily connected to the divine and at other times not. They havent forsaken you, its probably just a process you have to go through that will be revealed later on how it helped you. I have one tip though that can help you. Often times when the crown chakra is imbalanced we lose our connection to the divine, or atleast so i’ve heard. Try and visualise blockages in your crown chakra leaving you and do it with intent
Thanks for replying. Hopefully someone else will also share their thoughts, I’m really curious how people deal with it.
It sounds like you maybe need a foundational level of healing prior to going into deep invocation work.
There is a lot of drawback from the work of Israel Regardie, but he had a good point when he said in his primer book “the middle pillar” that everyone who starts ceremonial magick should practice energy work and have a year of psychotherapy (minimum) prior to jumping into the occult.
Working with entities will often bring up repressed trauma and your shadow work that needs to be worked through.
A lot of occultists miss this and get caught up in material gain, false ego and the grandiose. It’s a lot deeper and I think demons get a bad wrap because of this when they are actual critical for helping a lot of us heal deep wounds, trauma and mental “illness”. Providing you are willing and open to doing the work.
Agreed. The feeling of connectedness really ebbs and flows. My advice would be to do something that breaks you out of your routine or stagnation.
Strange. My guardian demon is Azazel and he is a healer, among many things he does and provides. The amount of work we have done is already huge, perhaps… perhaps it must be stopped for a while as I do feel things distracting me but not easily identifiable.
I don’t care about material gain. Ego, well maybe stood in a way for some time but it’s long gone. And by no means I search for grandiose. Thanks anyway, your post gave me some food for thought. Those blockades that are perhaps present need to be examined thoroughly and removed.
In my (limited) experience, I’ve had this happen several times in my life. The last time I worked with a demon, and lets just say she left her mark that took a while to heal.
If I can give any advice, the energy of this world is manifest and manipulated through intention and will. Everything beyond that is practice, learning, and help from other people or entities. So its a skill where ‘fake it till you make it’ is an effective strategy. If nothing else, confidence and unwavering intention goes a long way towards evocation.
Welcome @enn It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves so PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW and tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, such as what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc.
I introduced myself in 2022. The post was deleted. Shall I do it again then?
No, your intro is still there. The prompt wasn’t meant for you, it is addressed to someone else.
Oof didn’t notice. I admit it is a bit tricky to see who replies to whom.
Working with demons is not about altars or ceremonial rituals. Is pure energy and psychic work. You don’t have to feel bad by removing any object or not manifesting anything.
Your beliefs are in your heart, mind, and spirit. They are testing your strength and core. Demons not seek devotion or worship with altars or fake objects as many people think but partnership, not based in false worship and fascination but “Justification, Emotions, Courage and Knowledge”. Sometimes when you think that you have done great work with them, they reset the circle to test your spiritual, emotional and mental strength to see if you are prepared to the next level. To test if you really worth the help and you believe the cause. You have to think they rebelled against God and they kept fighting until now and until the end with “Courage without surrender”. Demons have a will of iron, will you have the same “Iron Will” or will you break in the first test?. If you really trust them, if you ask for something one time and you didn’t get it, you will blame them, insult them? They are hard teachers. They are freedom fighters. Is not about the object or ritual, it is about the way of life.
Being empty and lost is part of the pursuit of illumination. By making the desert walk “Alone, Empty and Lost”, you confront your fears, obsessions, weakness and insecurities with all this you will break or you will keep going despite the adversities? Will you stop pursuing your illumination?.. Determination and perseverance is the key.
Sometimes, we have to break the old to get the new, empty what is full and fill what’s empty. This is one of the greatest teachings and guidance of demons. It is a hard walk and not for everyone. Only for those who seek true ancient wisdom, illumination and above all freedom from the matrix. Forget about altars. Change your approach. Start housekeeping 1) cleaning yourself and your environment 2) banish everyday before going to sleep 3) meditate everyday 4) look inside yourself and raise your vibrations and trust the process.
Ive actually had this experience. It feels like everything comes to a standstill externally. Normally this means its time to go internally and heal some things. Look up how to do shadow work and FEEL that “voice” your talking about. Dont push it away, allow it to pass over your mind freely and feel whatever emotions result from the thought, and allow them to flow. Sit in them until they are exhausted of fuel. You’ll feel them fade and integrate
This is exactly how i got through that feeling. Now im making my way through life, doing things i enjoy doing to get where i want to go. The momentum will feel slow at first, but thats how it is.
Thank you ZAnubis and DarkPriorities this was much needed. As is, I just logged in to check if maybe someone new replied, and finding those thoughts slowly forming during last few days, only to read them here. Certainly something is going on and I am being prepared or tested, or both. Or it’s just needed respite before next step.
I must be of iron will. After all I’ve been through, and still experiencing all those things in fact, still being alive is not a sign of weakness.