Fawn’s Stumblings 🦌

Hello! :cherry_blossom:

I’m going to make an official ongoing journal for myself after realizing I’ve been struggling a lot with meditation. And keeping up energy to just really live daily life. And I guess I’ll write on other things as they arise. (Feel free to read if you’d like and I appreciate input or even lurkers. I don’t mind either way!)

So, I’ve went down a rabbit hole of learning different ways to meditate and this is the most basic of things we all have to learn. Yet when I try I always come to face obstacles. By far this video (linked below) has gave me quite the experience tonight. But I do have to say I love that man’s voice. Lol

So at first before I could get to the chakra part of the video I realized I could not do the traditional breathe through your nose and out your mouth technique. Okay, let me try my inhaler (asthma) beforehand and see if that’ll help. I waited and then played the video again… it was still difficult. I think my small mouth has to do with it too as my upper jaw puts pressure on my airways by default as well. So I researched a bit on the forum and some members just use their nose to breathe. Awesome because that’s what I prefer. So there I go, trying again. And I successfully get to the root chakra part to balance; heal; or cleanse.

Commence the part where everything I am scared of flows through my mind as the speaker instructs me to acknowledge it all. (I have a lot…lol) I shed some tears, oh no. I am instructed to inhale and then let the fear or worry go (exhale). COMMENCE THROAT TIGHTENING. Oh well I need to push through it right? Lets add this fear of suffocating from anxiety too to the list to “let go” :sweat_smile:

After a few moments I notice I cannot get a decent breath and even though it’s against how many times I can take a puff of this inhaler (within 4 hours) I do so and turn the video off. I decide to sit there for a moment and drink a sip of water to try and call down. Swallowing the water made my throat hurt so I know my throat must have gotten narrow. Now I’m off to take a bath to try and calm down. I feel like my root chakra is most certainly blocked judging from this experience and probably kills the connection to the other 6 chakras and maybe is halting my spiritual development. I guess there is always tomorrow but sheesh. Getting my chakras cleansed and balance is going to be a feat!

Damn root chakra. :woman_facepalming:t2:


OP liked my collection I sent (it’s a small one) that I use for meditation and sometimes for rituals.

I use the next one a lot to ground after ritual.


Wanted to do a quick update and say I had my second lucid dream. At this rate it seems I have one at least once a month now. Which is pretty good, I guess! I’m wondering if I experienced an incubus for the first time. Can they come into dreams? Some posts on forum imply a yes.

In this dream I remember feeling so lightweight as I do when I found a new way to meditate with the help of a new friend. :slight_smile: So, there I was “sleeping,” within a dream. I felt this heavy thing crawl on top of me and (content warning) :warning: proceed to do sexual acts on me. It felt so real that I was panicking. And I couldn’t do anything as it paralyzed me in the dream. I could barely open my eyes but I could see it was not my husband. It just took control of everything, almost like how sleep paralysis feels but I’m in a dream. I started to become extremely upset and on verge of tears but then I guess it allowed me to see clearly and I found whatever it originally was did change INTO my husband. And then I was thinking “oh, hes home early.” So it started to become enjoyable and I wasn’t scared anymore.

After this we went about our day like normal. He sat down at our dinner table and I began asking questions, it slowly dawning on me this whole situation was not possible. He is not home. I had to be in a dream. So, I became excited and ran away from him and went into the bathroom to look in a mirror. I saw a pink fleshy being behind me with no face and some dark hair drape down from its head. This thing scared me (only expected to see me) and I willed myself to wake up.

Stupid me, waking up from another lucid dream. (I’ve got to stop doing that.) The first part of the whole ordeal just felt so real and different. I could feel some sort of energy from the thing. And all the sensations felt real. Pretty interesting experience.

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