I am incapable of writing short posts.
In the middle of moving.
We don’t have to leave our current house until the end of the month but we have had possession of our new house for a few weeks now. Luckily for us it was vacant when it was up for sale. It was originally an old Victorian that was converted into a side by side duplex, a very common sight in my city. We decided to change the side by side to and upper and a lower duplex because it made the layouts flow better and made both places feel more spacious.
The entire reason I was wishing for my own space wasn’t just for the privacy but for the noise— a quiet space in an otherwise very loud city. I have the upper unit and underneath my floors a special sound absorbing rubber was put down. In the downstairs unit a special insulation was put in the ceiling, for another layer of sound proofing.
We were testing this out the other day— with regular, everyday sounds I couldn’t hear a damn thing coming from downstairs. It was beautiful. I decided to try to one up my mom and told her to “get ready to drop.” As she stared blankly, trying to figure out the fuck that meant, I went to the upper unit and hit her with some bass.
At “acceptable” levels she could barely hear anything. “Unacceptable” levels were “unacceptable,” but I told her it’s unacceptable for dub to be played at acceptable levels so 
I can’t wait for the renovations to be done and to be able to move in fully…
Soon.
Wards.
As I was painting the walls of my new house I decided to try out something different with wards. Wards have always been triggering subject to me. Back when I was learning to ward I had made a few that I thought I did a pretty good job with. One night, as I projected into my room, I spotted Zadkiel looking at one of the wards, and he basically told me my wards were trash (but with way more words) and to try harder. I think back to that moment every single time I make one.
I spent some time strategically placing and working with the wards, then the walls were freshly painted and no one was the wiser. I had spent a night in my new place, sleeping on an air mattress and, as I was laying in the dark, there was a bright light in the corner of my eye, exactly where one of the wards was placed. It was the same effect I usually experience with the MP— every time I perform it I will see a bright light in the bottom of my vision (from my heart and abdomen), as if my phone is open and on max brightness, sitting in my lap. It used to bother me enough that I wouldn’t do the MP at certain times, but I eventually got used to the glow.
I’m at a point with the wards where I can constantly see their glow from under the new paint, without even having to think or remember that they’re there, hiding below the surface. I’m working on getting used to this constant glow too.
I am being worked on working with Raphael again.
He’s really fucking good at helping you to extract the things that are evading your conscious mind. I’m feeling something I don’t understand and I don’t know why it’s there and what it’s attached to…
[Raphael has entered the chat]
I had missed several signs of the impending second Raphael intervention. One night, after cluing in somewhat, I sent an, “Are you there to help?” his way. I woke up the next morning and felt a hand on my waist. It did two quick squeezes, as if to say, “Yes, I am, now get up and let’s get going.” It caught me off guard enough for me to flinch a little and a chuckle was heard.
He didn’t say much at first, which was kind of (really) frustrating but he did shove my face in a lot of things right away. That first day I had a lot of those moments where seemingly everything in the world freezes in time so that you can notice that one super particular thing that you might not otherwise have, had the world kept going on as normal. My dreams were filled with tarot cards and oracle cards 
They would appear in random places throughout my dreams, painting a vague picture. I was even read cards by an invisible reader in one dream.
One morning I rolled out of bed (literally) and, instead of hitting the floor, I went right through it. I’ve been consciously projecting since my memories began, really, and I’ve hit the floor a million times, but I’ve never gone right through it. Something that has also never happened— I couldn’t move or speak. I kept slowly falling/floating down until I ended up in a fairly dark room. Up until I got to the room I had been facing downwards but, as my descent slowed when I got to where I was going, my body turned upright, as if I was sitting in a chair, and I was then being “pulled” or floating backwards.
There was a dim light source coming from somewhere that allowed me to see a few feet around me but that was about it. The only thing I managed to see in that room was what looked like a wood fence to my left. Having never experienced several things that I did in this projection before and feeling a bit on edge, I struggled and struggled until I could nope tf out of there… and then it happened again the next day and, yes, I noped out of that one too.
I was later told I was being taken somewhere I needed to go and, because of my tendency to take off and do whatever, well, that’s the reason for being “restrained.” I was then told, “You know where to go now, so go.” I eventually did make it back there and the only thing I found, aside from the fence, was a question. It was something I had been kind of feeling in the back of my mind for a while but I kept it there. So I had a question to ask.
I might or might not have gotten frustrated at one point for not understanding everything I was being shown and I might or might not have directed said frustration in the direction of a certain Archangel. He told me, “You have to stop looking” and I understood what he meant by that right away lol. He didn’t mean to stop searching or to stop going forward, he meant to stop always looking ahead, for the next thing, the next piece— always thinking that you need more to fully understand. When you’re so busy constantly looking too far ahead of you, you tend to miss what is right in front of you. You trip yourself up.
I had a dream just before all of this that spoke to something similar, although on another topic— and it was actually the first sign that I would soon be working with Raphael again that flew just under my radar. A lot of people ask about working with dreams and one of the most common things I hear is, “But all of my dreams are mundane.” Just because something isn’t big and spectacular and/or features places and characters from your “mundane” life, that doesn’t automatically mean there is nothing of value or use in it. Aside from Raphaels very brief appearance, this “mundane” dream about my two dogs directly answered a question that I had been wondering about for a while and finally asked (not the same one I had alluded to before).
My (not so) mundane dream
I am sitting on my bedroom floor. In front of me is a full length mirror. I am wearing the white t-shirt I wore to bed. My left leg is tucked under me and my right leg is stretched out. The sun coming through the window feels warm on my bare leg. With me is my dog, Rigel. I am taking pictures of the two of us in the mirror. I stop and look at the last picture I took and notice that my other dog, Bella is in the picture too. She wasn’t there when I was taking the pictures. I looked down and there she was, with her front paws resting on my left leg. I scrolled through the pictures and she was in every one— she was there the entire time, I just didn’t see her.
I got up and went downstairs. As I was walking towards the kitchen I heard a noise in the back of the house. I went to the back and looked outside, expecting to see Rigel, but I didn’t see anything. I went outside to look for Rigel but he wasn’t there. I kept walking, past the yard and into a small grassy park, surrounded on every side by a subdivision of houses. I walked down a path that cut through the middle of the park, darting my head in every direction and spinning around in circles, looking for Rigel.
A familiar face appeared in front of me, walking from the opposite direction on the path. As we got closer to one another we made eye contact. With a smile on his face he slowly turned his gaze up towards the blue sky and my eyes followed his. As we looked up a group of white birds flew right over us. He went to speak but I was too focused on finding Rigel that I kept walking and didn’t hear what he had to say.
I came up to a group of people, gathered in the grass, just to the right of the path, and yelled out, “Where’s my dog?!” And older woman, maybe close to my mom’s age, pointed behind me and said, “Over there.” I turned to my right and saw a big green bush. Just in front of the bush was a little silhouette, a dog, but not Rigel, it was Bella. I called out her name and she excitedly ran towards me and jumped into my arms.
Don’t waste opportunities by only waiting for the dreams where you’re flying though the air or fighting dragons.
Speaking of birds, something I noticed this time around is every time Raphael is around, so are birds. And not just physical birds— birds appear everywhere, including projections and dreams. I went back through my notes and this is true of the other times his presence was heavy. Almost every dream I’ve had for the past little while has featured birds. There have been a few instances of identifiable birds but, for the most part, the birds are always white and nondescript, as in, you could google “white birds” for hours and still not be able to identify a single damn one (not speaking from experience, or anything ).
I was joking with a friend that when Raphael is around or you’re working with him heavily you always feel like he is watching you, which they felt too— you constantly feel his eyes on you or feel him standing there, out of the corner of your eye. This feels true of the birds too. They rarely interact, they’re more “just there…” you turn your head and see one (or twenty) “just there,” keeping a close eye on you. It sounds way creepier than it feels to spot them there lol.
The wood fence I mentioned earlier, the one from the projection, made another appearance. It was in a dream this time. The dream just consisted of me literally sitting on the wood fence (some nice literal dream symbolism for once). What am I “on the fence” about… After that dream Raphael went quiet and I thought that maybe he was done showing me what he wanted to show me and was leaving me to my own devices to put it all together, but the quiet only lasted for a few days— both he and his birds are still here, so the work continues on.
Gabriel gets a drop
Summary
Gabriel has always been very… different with me than what many/most people describe him as, this soft and meek androgyne character— he’s always been quite the opposite with me. I briefly mentioned before him really pushing fire, something not commonly associated with him in the nowadays. I’ve experienced him and fire in more subtle ways for a long time but, around December of last year, he really started pushing it— I’d wake up in the middle of the night to see him standing there, glowing and looking like he was literally on fire, I would be handed fire by him, and so on.
Looking for something unrelated I came across excerpts of texts that spoke of him with and associated him with fire. I also came across references to “angels of fire” with him, Nathanael, Uriel, and a handful of lesser known angels named as these “angels of fire.” This has happened with a couple of others too— the coming across of associations that are not commonly talked about with them, things that I’ve been shown and experiencing for a long time. It’s foolish to think that we’ll come across in some text, however obscure, everything we’re told and shown but it’s always nice to come across at least some things, especially when they go against the common. Maybe we’re not totally crazy.
Zohar 1:16a
…And Gabriel, the Prince of His Left, Fire.
I was told quite some time ago that if I wanted to learn more about myself I had to do it with Gabriel. I even once asked Raziel, in all of his infinite (albeit, often cryptic) wisdom, and even he said, “No” and pointed me right back at Gabriel. I put myself in park for a while (and my dreams during this time featured me literally parking my car in or standing in parking lots), stuck on the, “Why, tho?” On the advices of some wonderful people, I was told the “Why?” would more than likely be answered if, you know, you pulled yourself out of park… well, yeah.
I’m a few months into this now, uncovering things that mean nothing to literally anyone but me, but I’ve also been getting more and more pieces of Gabriel along the way too, again, coming across at least some things written in texts. I had a lucid dream a while ago:
…became lucid. I had an idea of what I wanted to do but, before I had a chance to do anything, everything started fading away, all of the scenery, until I was surrounded by nothing but blackness. I turned around a few times, looking for something, anything, and on (maybe) my third spin I saw a bright light in the distance. I walked towards the light and as I got closer it appeared to be an open door that the light was shining through.
As I made it to the door I had to squint from the transition of darkness to the bright light. It was a room and looked to be like an office of some sort. On the door was a gold plate with a name on it– Gabriel. I walked into Gabriel’s “office” and saw him standing in front of a desk. He seemed upset and agitated. I asked what was going on and, as I did, I heard something fall onto the ground. I turned and saw that the gold plate that had his name on it had fallen off of the door and onto the floor. I was then snapped awake.
About a week after that LD I was going down a rabbit hole of links, again, looking for something completely unrelated, when I clicked a link that took me to Talmud, specifically Yoma 77a. I’ve never read Torah/Talmud, only seeing a few excerpts here and there (Gabriel and fire being one) and didn’t really want to read it now, but I hadn’t had much success in finding things relating to the topic that I was actually looking for, so I read on… and I’m glad I did.
It talks about Gabriel not following an order exactly as given and, because of that, he is punished:
Rabbi Yoḥanan said: At that moment, they cast out Gabriel from behind the curtain [pargod], where the inner angels reside, and they struck him with sixty blows [pulsei] of fire.
As soon as I read that part, I heard the same sound of the name plate in the LD hitting the floor and saw a flash image of the scene, linking that to what I was reading now. The angel Dubiel/Dobiel acted as Gabriel’s proxy for the duration of his punishment. References to this have been popping up again lately, so the reason he was showing this to me or its relevance is still to be discovered, I guess.
I’ve been having a reoccurring dream for a few months now where I’ll be going somewhere alone with Gabriel and I’ll think to my dream self that now is the time to tell him about something specific or I’ll want to tell him now about this something specific, but I’m very hesitant to and then I’ll wake up before I do every time, so that subconscious block remains for now, unfortunately, and also the reason I would need to tell him about this something specific and my hesitance to.
In a projection a couple of weeks ago I asked the question I had uncovered with Raphael’s help. I was at the top of the stairs, facing the last set of stairs in my house that go up to my level. I called out to Gabriel. Sparks of white light started to fill the air and I felt his massive presence (that makes you feel like a tiny grain of sand). A ridiculously bright white light started to fill up my hallway upstairs. I asked the question and it was answered. I was going to go up the stairs but felt like this one question was as far as it was going to go for now, so I went downstairs instead. As I walked towards the kitchen I noticed a cord– this cord had been appearing in dreams for weeks, sometimes looking solid and sometimes looking energetic. I walked into the kitchen and the overhead light turned on on its own and, as my head snapped up to look at it, I was snapped back to my body.
Since that projection I have had this sensation of almost a lukewarm to cool liquid flowing down into the top of my head, but slightly towards the back of my head. It tingles too.
This work, too, continues on.
Back on the subject of dreams.
I have to spend literally an hour plus every single day just recording my dreams.
I had the longest (perceived) false awakening that I’ve had in, well, a long time. I woke up really early in the morning, much earlier than I normally do. I stared at the clock for a minute and then realized that I didn’t have a single memory of a single dream, which was really odd. I fought for a few minutes, digging through my brain (I do have an extraction method for those dreams that try to stay just below the surface) to find the dreams, any dreams, but there was absolutely nothing there.
I felt wide awake, despite the early hour, and knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, but I didn’t want to get out of bed so I just laid there, thinking about things. I checked my phone several times and about 30 minutes passed while I laid awake in bed. Then I had a sudden flash of a dream come back to me. I grabbed my phone and wrote “I heard two knocks again” and remembered a vague dream about Gabriel (this is something that has happened several times, two knocks and Gabriel). I tried really hard to recover this dream but it stayed just below the surface. All I could get was the image of him and vague surroundings.
Frustrated, I decided to give it up and attempt to project instead. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes… and then I heard a jet fly over, and really low. Now, it’s not entirely unheard of for a jet to fly over, however, when they do they usually do flybys in formation and 5-7 jets sounds a hell of a lot different than a single jet. I thought it was weird but it wasn’t weird enough for me to think much more of it. Then, less than a minute later, it happened again… ok, this is weird. I decided to get out of bed and go downstairs to ask my mom why there are jets flying over and if she’s heard anything about it.
I had every opportunity on the long walk downstairs to clue in– several things were off. But I didn’t grab a single opportunity, which is unusual for me. When I got to the living room I saw my mom sitting on the couch and my two dogs were there too. I asked her about the jets and we talked for a couple of minutes and then I woke up for real, not only with the (perceived) almost hour long memory of the false awakening and the Inception style dream within a dream, but with the memory of three other dreams that came before it too. I got out of bed right away and went downstairs to find my mom and my dogs in the living room and even in the same spots they were just a few minutes ago in my dream. False awakenings are always disorienting.
Aside from Raphael’s birds, a couple of common sights in my dreams lately are me being pregnant and also me walking up this winding set of white stairs… sometimes there’s a double whammy of me being pregnant and walking up this set of endless stairs. I’m not one for general dream interpretations because dreams are far too personal to be analyzed in a general way but I’ve found the general interpretations of walking up the stairs and pregnancy to be fairly accurate for me, at least. My dreams always make a point of letting me know that my pregnancy is “a few months” along, which is a relevant timeline. So, it’ll be interesting to see what my pregnant dream self is incubating and if I’ll ever make it to the top of these stairs.
Another um, strange, thing that’s been happening with my dreams lately is a narrator or voiceover. It’s happened several times now. The dream will unfold with no words spoken by me or any other dream characters, just this male narrator.
I will always find you
I am walking down a street that reminds me of Rue Saint-Paul in Old Montréal. The sun is low in the sky but looks like it is rising, not setting. The street is full of people, casually walking and going in and out of shops. I am not wearing any shoes. The uneven and worn cobblestone street feels warm beneath my feet. I hear a man’s voice, talking over the dream, but I can’t make out most of what he’s saying, aside from a few words here and there. I start to pick up my pace and now I’m running down the street. I can feel myself starting to wake up and, as I do, I hear the narrator say, “I will always find you.”
A Hawk.
Not related to Raphael’s birds. Several times last year I heard a hawk call. It can be startling to hear that scream come out of nowhere. I remember the first time I heard it– I was in my bedroom, it was late a night, in the dead of winter, and all of the windows were closed. It sounded like it was in the room with me. It scared the shit out of me. He showed up several times after that, well, his call did, anyways. I haven’t heard that call since the end of last year.
Not too long ago I took my dog outside and, as I looked up at the sky, a red tailed hawk glided right over us, so close I probably could have touched him. I’ve never actually seen a hawk before anywhere near my house, in all of the years that we’ve lived here, let alone one that close. The next day I saw two together. I’d love to get a picture but these guys seem to be just like fucking UFO’s in that, when there’s a camera around, they are not. I’ve also heard the hawk call a few times since the sightings, usually just before bed.
I checked my notes from last year and it seems like the hawk showing up always coincides with some major leaps and/or insights, well, he seems to show up just before these things, as kind of like a harbinger, or something. I guess it’s a wait and see if his latest appearances will continue the trend from last year. It’s already been an interesting few months already.
Regardless, I am so thankful for this and for them. They’ve done so much for me for my entire life, but this is a whole new level of awesome. On a list of impossible things that could never happen… they made happen. I just have to wait 90 days and I’ll finally have my own place, for the very first time. Thank you 
