To give context: I live next to a very large graveyard and at night I like to take long leisurely walks to clear my thoughts. Having recently joined this site, I was inspired to attempt an Evocation of Lucifer.
I will be honest in that I am deeply skeptical about the majority of most rituals, and having no mentor to guide me, I dabbled in creating my own ritual, integrating parts of other rituals together and set out at night to the Graveyard on the December Thirteenth after there was a fresh snow.
Using the thin layer of snow, I drew a protective circle integrating sigils that I created. Sitting in the circle I lay down bowls around me for the four corners, offering wine, moon flowers, bread, and honey to the north, south, east, and west.
I have a handmade journal that I keep and write in, sitting within the circle I began my evocation, calling to the four corners and asking Lucifer if he would come and share in my offerings.
For about 30 minutes or so, and actively attempting to call, I felt nothing but the cold, and in frustration I began to undo my circle and only after had I broken it did something, for lack of a better word, shifted around me and I felt a similar warmth fill me as though I had been drinking, but I knew I was sober. Leaving the circle broken, I sat down once more, and opened my journal. Below is a sort of attempt at a transcript of what I can only describe as highly intrusive…thoughts? Maybe I am crazy, maybe not, you decide because I am genuinely not sure
Question: Are you with me? Are you Lucifer
Answer: You need not know my name, you need only know I am with you. Seek and you will find, ask and The door will be opened.
( At this point I felt an overbearing, almost like a weight on my shoulders and keeping my head clear as best I could, the thoughts continued to push through my attempt to clear them)
Thoughts: You seek yet you do not see what you have been shown. You wait and ignore that which has been given. You beg, yet you do not ask. I am the roots beneath your feet that feeds. You seek knowledge yet you do not make your intentions clear. Do it.
Question: I wish for guidance, and I offer everything, will you guide me?
Answer: (Unintelligible at first, almost angry, racing thoughts) What I take I will, and do thou truly wilt. You do not offer, you plead. Look to the sky and the answer is clear for it has been set before you all within my eyes.
Then, just like that, I felt the crush down, and my head was filled with a repeating question
“Live or die” over and over, and in reply I said “Live.”
Answer: No. There is three always. Live, die, Or do not exist. The tower came, the tower will fall. Drink of my blood, eat of my flesh, and see truth.
I took the offerings then and ate each (Not the moonflower! I’m not -that- crazy!) but as I ate there was an image that came to mind as I did. I saw a man call to a crowd the same command I had been given and in my minds eye I saw them surge towards a man crucified and the people tore him apart and began to eat him from the feet up.
At this point, I felt the cold set in once more, and there was just…nothing. I felt almost like I had fallen asleep and just woken.
So. What the fuck? Am I just crazy or did Lucifer come to me? I have seen others that seem to have spoken to him and he seemed much more pleasant to them. Is it because I am dabbling alone or what?
Anyhow, that is where I am at and would appreciate any feedback or guidance.