I’ve said it here previously; I was adopted. I’m starting to learn about some of my biological relatives.
And some of them were monsters.
One thing runs strongly in my family: Religious mania. I know, most people call it “piety” and consider it a highly positive trait, something to be desired. But some my own family members got people killed (a long time ago), while also having been persecuted themselves.
I have a strong tendency to not do things halfway. This was especially true in my youth. If I joined a group, I joined it. Which led to a number of really weird and intense religious encounters, and sometimes engaging in the dangerous delusion that I was right.
I don’t like dull experiences. I want things to be intense. But there’s a point when I’ve got to turn my back on beliefs that cause harm. Still, I do retain a certain amount of belief. I seem to be more “programmed” for belief than most.
People in my family disowned their children, gave them away, abandoned their spouses and more, all in the name of religion. Some, however, were benign, and managed to escape the more extreme aspects of belief. They were believers, but also did kind deeds as a result of those beliefs.
I’ve been reading about appealing to one’s ancestors, and for better or worse, I wouldn’t be here without them. But I’m not sure about appealing to that kind of energy. The religious squabbling goes back as far as I can trace it.
All this is to say that I feel pulled toward extremes sometimes, including extremes of belief. But I don’t know what to say (or do) about those who were harmed by my family. They’re dead, but I feel as though I owe them apologies.
My family was both damaged, and did damage, because of belief. I’d prefer not to perpetuate the cycle.
