Dreams and then reality follows and then other problems or is it magick without ritual?

I am sick and tired of never getting a decent amount of sleep without getting disturbing dreams like end of the world, especially that involves things from outer space. I completely understand the symbolism of it though. But still I wake up in the middle of the night, shaken. I dont understand why I end up getting fearful of my own dreams and sometimes I think, I have negative energy directed at me to have me wake up like that.

Maybe its because I am getting older?
It’s not just that there are times I will get dreams about something, and then something in my waking life, happens according to those dreams. For an example I had a dream of a crows waiting at my front door, one crow was sick in front of me and another crow landed on my arm cawing, and felt a saddness not to mention I found some stuff out about family. Come to find out, a lot of people were depressed that day and for some reason I was picking up on it. I HATE BEING A FUCKING EMPATH! Perhaps also the end of the world dreams and fears, also I pick up on from other people too and I cant get any rest,despite how much I meditate.

It’s like I need to be left the fuck alone in order to collect my thoughts. But what possible power could I have with this? That’s the part that eats at me and it drives me nuts.

I also noticed something else. When I try to do a “spell”, or a ritual to achieve a certain end, I don’t get any fucking results unless I am in a emotional state, INTENSE state and I really WANT IT. But it’s pretty clear sometimes I mistake my true desire for what I think I desire if that makes any sense. For an example I want to get revenge on someone but I would feel bad, so to make them apologize, well I would alter such a spell to suit that, and it never happens. But If I really want revenge, want to hurt the person, it seems to happen.

My discovery with desire, you have to have an emotional state for it. Like one day I was in a very intense rage mode and I was pissed at my sister because she was bitching about her yard not getting mowed. So what happened was my rage was lit because I got tired of her telling me what to do, so what happened? My emotions were so intense, I desired the lawn mower to break and she can’t do shit. Then ten minutes later, it breaks. Other things have happened before.

I also discovered another ability I have, I recall one day I was sort of meditating/trance, and I heard the numbers “959”, then I get called into work around 9:59am. I was really shocked, and then I would hear similar things from other people, I encounter and they would tell me that’s exactly what they were thinking. They aren’t directing these thoughts to me but I hear it. I also see some things happen in my minds eye, before it actually happen. Like one day I would see rune wunjo in my mind’s eye. Then all day, things happen according to what I saw, kind of like a message. I seem to do really well with Norse pantheon and the runes, despite all other avenues I have tried to explore. I been questioning if demonolatry is for me because personally the runes seem to be really powerful and work well for me.

So yeah, it’s pretty crazy, the things that happen to me. does anyone else have similar things happen to them?

I have been having some fearful dreams lately, some of them are fucking messed up and you end up waking like shit because of those dreams. I always go to sleep calm and listening to sone music but ny dreams are pretty messed up. I have seen end of the world dreams and they are a damn pain. I dont think its because we are getting old. You seem to have a lot of rage and energy, its better if you filter that energy to magick.

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Well, the end of the world dreams aren’t just world wars, they involve things happening in outer space, like getting sucked into a black hole, and going timeless. But, these dreams, are getting common that I am starting to feel resilience as I dream. Maybe that is what is meant by astral training?

I try to channel whatever rage I have into productive means, like going to the gym, physical exercise. And one of the reasons why I have rage, is I am pissed at the way people are and I never felt like I belonged.