Does this count as a petition? Is it backfiring? Is it effective?

On 11/11 I didn’t know anything back then about magick just believed in law of attraction
So I watched a video where a woman was talking about energy portals and that it’s good to write what I want yo manifest in 2020
So my goal back then was to heal my inner child so I wrote down in that paper why I want to heal my inner child(because I used to push the guys I love when they approach me.lack of personality, low self esteem, fear of being vulnerable, having some narcissistic traits that I wanted to heal,it was a very long list I wrote down all of this)
And second how manifesting this purpose will help me so (I wrote down having smooth communication ,healthy relationships, and stop pushing away the guys ilove when they approach me… and I imagined myself talking with the dude that I love rn smoothly with harmony and with no blockages without me pushing him away or hurting him ext) my Intention was to be able to hold a conversation with him and atop hurting him or pushing him not to make him fall in love with me or to make him approach me or come to communicate with me it was just to stop myself from doing this stupid acts by healing my imer child
When I saw that list was too long I rewritten it
But then I found the idea so silly because idont belive in it so I wripped the first petition and kept the second one unconsciously,
The day after 12/11 I convinced myself that it’s possible and that it’s true so when I found the second petition did as the woman said and kept it under my pillow the first day but after days I forgot about it and it was kept with my papers and ididnt belive in it that much after a while when I got thru spells and petitions I freak out I was scared if what I did was a petition and iwas scared if its effective and back fire on me or just influence my love with this dude so I burned it ididnt know that buring will make it work at that time my Intention was to stop it not to unlock it ididnt know nothing about petitions then,so I’m asking is this petition effective did it back for on me because he unfollowed me ,after a 15 days of burning it I’m not sure what happened we don’t talk a lot me and him asked him why he said because I never post did6seem logical someone please explain what did indo exactly is this a spell is ot backfiring or nothing happened from beginning
Btw I wrote 1111 a top of the paper does this count as invocation? My Intention wasn’t to invoke anything i just wrote that because of the portals energy to add some energy so the universe would help me manifest it
Ialso wrote healing my inner child at the top please help me is it backfiring is it a petition from the beginning?