Ok, I’ve felt a strong need to reply again to this thread after events over the last few days. I believe I have experienced a Four of Cups and Five of Pentacles time.
Shortly after evoking Lucifer, I have experienced an instant dislike from one of my service users (I’m a support worker for people with learning difficulties). I’ve worked with her on and off for almost a year now with no real issues. She has a history of being incredibly vile and violent, but has never been with me. I had even asked Lucifer to help me help her one day on shift and within a couple of hours of doing so, she hated me.
I had a terrible shift with her and a shift is 24 hours. I went home that morning feeling emotional, drained and frustrated. I started doubting that I was doing the right thing- working with Lucifer. You read how your life can get turned upside down and I thought - yep, here we go. I thought ‘What am I doing? This isn’t how things are supposed to go. This path feels right, I feel called, but is it?’
Then thoughts started coming into my head. One that I remember clearly was saying to myself - Don’t blame Lucifer for your failures. I couldn’t think of how I failed though, but I did let her get to me. Later that night at home I experienced synchronicities that led me to looking into shielding myself properly. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit, but it’s not something I’ve taken very seriously- my own failure.
The day of my next shift, I drew my daily cards and received- Three of Pentacles, Eight of Swords, Knight of Pentacles and overall energy King of Swords. As soon as I saw the Eight of Swords, I thought - oh I need to shield myself. I know the traditional meaning but sometimes it’s the imagery that speaks. I was using the Gilded Tarot.
I had the worst day ever. Spent nearly 4 hours locked away in the staff room whilst she screamed profanities at me, pounding on the door and screamed out the windows that I was a prostitute and shouted at men to come up to have sex with me.
I focused on my shield three times during the day and it kept me safe. I’m not even joking. I was in that staff room just like…ok, whatever. She’s not hurting me, she’s only hurting herself. When it all ended, I was able to be there for her in the ways that I’m supposed to be. I took nothing personally, but I also wasn’t going to let her behaviour go unnoticed. We talked. I let her know that it was safe to talk to me. She complained about how things went that day and I reminded her that it was a result of her own actions.
Many staff refuse to work with her and the staff that do are absolutely drained. I put up my shield before she woke this morning, have finished my shift and I’m feeling great. I actually found it a bit amusing. I can laugh about it.
So, I guess I’m just trying to say, in a very long winded way, if you experience hardship on your way, pay attention to the messages that will no doubt be trying to come your way. For me, I was ignoring probably the most fundamental part of protecting myself- shielding. Tut tut to me. Everything that happens should really be in place to make you stronger/put you on the better path.