Did Lilith stop supporting me?

This is going to be a long story, full of drama, so apologies. Here’s a TL;DR

I’m in love with a man for about 4 years. We’ve always had a kind of relationship (love, affection, sex) but never officially got together. He hurt me several times and “left” me and I cast spells at him so he came back to me. I ended up calling Lilith for help. She did great, physically appeared to me as a spider and granted me her powers. But for a moment now, I feel really depressed, lonely. I saw the spider dying and couldn’t save her. Few days after, the guy I’m in love with told me his ex-but-not-so girlfriend was coming to live with him in a month and join our school in September. He also doesn’t want to see me because he is afraid of being tempted. I’m truly desperate. Did Lilith abandon me ? How can I get my guy back and for good ? (and that girl out of my life because I won’t stant seeing them together, nor her presence in my town or school)

So I’ve been in love with a man for more than 4 years now. We’ve been off and on, never really together but there was always something between us. We met 4 years ago, in November 14’ at school and talked to each other after few months and started to see each other frequently, caressing/kissing/touching nearly every time we were together (without having sex, I was virgin back then and was afraid he wanted to just have his way with me).

3 years ago, he told me he didn’t want to see nor speak to me again ever because he was “about to date another girl seriously” (he met her in a festival in June 15’). I didn’t like that at all, got really depressed and messed up. Really. Short story short, I sort of cast a spell at him so he would be left alone, sad and broken and will come back to me more in love than ever and would never forget me. It was at the beginning of January 2016. It worked, he came back, saying that he wanted to be with me in late February but we didn’t start to date (I don’t know why though).

Anyway, he got back with that girl (or never left her ? I never really knew) while still having sex with other girls, me included (but I didn’t know that at that time). He told me few months later that he was “about to date another girl seriously” and that we won’t have sex together again because of that. Well, same story, I got really depressed and cast a spell at him. It was in December '16.

We got closer than ever from January to March 17’ without having sex, but we were really, really close, like best friends but with more affection and love. I could see he was struggling not to jump on me when we slept in the same bed. I met his girlfriend in March (she lived 500 miles away and they were seeing each other rarely), and I casually took his hand in my mine while we were walking to some place (because he was walking alone and sad and she wasn’t doing anything.). Apparently, she got pissed and they argued a bit.
Anyway, he told me he broke up with her at the beginning of April… But got back with her in May, a thing he told me after we did things together. I got pissed and started to feel really depressed (starting to see a pattern know?). Later, he told me that if his girlfriend wasn’t accepted in a school near our city, he will broke with her definitely because he couldn’t stand that situation and wanted a real relationship.

It’s at that time that I started to seek for Lilith’s help. Every night, I called her (with both these incantations: Eisheth Zenunim Taninsam Ama Lilith Liftoach Kliffot and Eisheth Zenunim Zonahith Nokriyahel Lilith, Liftoach Shaari ha Gamaliel (especially during a hot situation), from Clavicula Nox IV) stating my desire to see that girl casted away from my life so that guy will be mine (well, more precisely, I asked her to slit the throat of my enemies, drown them in their tears and blood and have those that betrayed me on their knees, dedicated to me :roll_eyes: ). When I was menstruating, I would dedicate my blood to her and spill some of my blood on a piece of his hair and mine entangled, so we would be binded together. When he was sleeping at my place, I also called for her help so he would want me. Everytime, we would caress each other without crossing the line but there was love and lots of lust in his touch. I did that from June to July '17.

And it worked.

The girl was accepted in a school 500 miles away from my city, in the coldest part of my country. I was happy, he was free. We started to have a lot of sex together, he was more than happy to do that with me. He was acting jealous and protective when I was around other men, told me he loved me and wanted to be with me.
But she came to his place for a month in August (“the last time I’m seeing her” he told me) and we stopped talking for a bit.

I called Lilith, asked her to give me strength and to have him going back to me. It worked, he texted me from time to time to tell me he missed me, that he wanted us to be together. The day she was gone (forever, I was thinking) we were in bed together. We continued to see each other from September to October '17. Each time we had sex, I dedicated his semen to Lilith. I also continued my blood binding spell.

But in October she came back. For a few days, but it was enough to have me sad and pissed off. He told me that he didn’t tell her it was over between them because she could harm herself. I asked Lilith for help but it wasn’t really working.

Or so I thought. This time, I asked her to harm him. Harm him and have him left alone, because he was hurting me so much and lying to that poor girl (she doesn’t know about for him and me… and all the other girls). In November, something appeared in my flat: a big, black spider. Inside of me, I knew it was her. I put the spider inside a glass jar (it wasn’t moving much) and left it inside for the night. I prayed Lilith and freed the spider the morning after. And it worked.

After that, that spider appeared for a few days before or after full/new Moon (I’m bleeding at both) or when I sang hymns to Lilith and would disappear. Every single time, the guy would tell me he was feeling horribly depressed or harm himself, that he wanted to see me. Or that his ex-but-no-so-ex didn’t want to live with him, or that he truly wanted to dump her for goo.

But recently, it changed. His ex-but-not-really-an-ex-in-fact-still-girlfriend-but-not-really (although she thinks she is, and that he is faithful) came to his place again, but I didn’t know why. Not so long after, while showering, the big black spider fell in my shower and died before I could save it from the hot water. For me, it was a very, very bad sign. And I was right : he told me she came looking for an internship in our city and got it, so she was going to live with him for 4 months. Also, she was going to pass exams so she would enter our school next year, so 4 months will probably become forever.

He invited me to his place last weekend (I didn’t want to see him but he insisted)… and we had sex. Maybe the kinkiest we ever had and, oddly, with more love than ever. I asked him if we could meet tomorrow night because I’m feeling really depressed at the moment (because of other things in my life, but this situation isn’t making things really better). He told me he agreed but that we won’t have sex because he wanted to be faithful (which is normal, I respect that… Even though I don’t want to)… But that we also won’t share the same bed again, nor that he wanted me to be in the same room as him when he was drunk : so basically a big “we won’t see each other again from now, even as friend”.

Being told these words really hurt me to my core. I’m feeling so lonely and empty, partly because of this situation, partly because I can’t feel Lilith’s love, presence and support anymore and because of my current depression.

I’m in love with that man. I just want to be with him. He lusts for me, I’m sure about this (otherwise he would’nt be afraid to share a bed with me or being drunk in my presence), but he also loves me. I know it for the way he acts when we’re together : people always ask us when we started dating.

So I have few questions here : Is this whole thing a test from Lilith, or did she abandon me ? What can I do to get her favours back ? How can I finally and definitly get this man for myself ? Can Lilith help ?

I don’t get why Lilith would abandon me. I offered her blood, semen, sexual enery, orgasms, oil. I don’t only pray her when I need stuff. I thanked her. To me, she was more like a mother than a goddess (she didn’t like the praises that much). When I was feeling her presence, I was strong. I wasn’t depressed like I am now.

I dream of him every night. At work, I sometimes have flashback of steamy and cute moments we had, some from few hours/days, some from few years ago. Right now I’m full of sadness, despair, hate, lust (I’m quite an insatiable person), love… and menstrual blood :joy: I know that together, these emotions (and fluids) can produce strong magic. I want my man back (and love. And great, kinky sex :wink:) and this girl out of my life, because I won’t stand to see them together (it caused me so much pain to see him with her when she got here ), and won’t stand her in my school and my city. I don’t necessarily want to harm her, it’s not her fault… But it won’t stop me.

So please friends, help me. With Lilith, and with that man (giving up with him is a big no, I’m a fighter.). Huge thanks for taking the time to read this, and to help. :slight_smile: :pray:

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I think she’s just telling you he’s not worth it anymore, hence the spider dying. Now is time to embrace being alone and call Lilith to help you rise above. Tell her to teach you to love yourself rather than waste it.

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I think what is happening here is that your crazy strong feelings are getting in the way of your connection with Lilith.

As in, you feel the strong feelings, then boom, something bad happens that you interpret as Lilith abandoning you, and then all these feelings amplify the feeling of abandonment.

I think she’s still there with you, but you’re just closing yourself off on accident.

I really can’t see Lilith abandoning you, even though I’ve never worked with her, since she seems like a really dedicated and loyal spirit from what I’ve read.

What I CAN see her doing though, is telling you to get stronger, and perhaps to move on from the guy - which could be signified by the spider dying.

I don’t think the spider represents your connection with Lilith - more, perhaps, a symbol for your relationship with the guy.

What I would recommend doing is sitting down, and calling to Lilith with all the feelings you have. Literally just let it all out for 5 minutes straight (longer if you must). All you can. Leave nothing behind. Become absolutely exhausted.

Then completely clear your mind, your head, become completely devoid of all feelings, focus on your breath for a minute or two, and then imagine everything around you disappear as you fall into the void (try to accompany this with the feeling of a descending elevator - just imagine it as you see yourself falling into the void, literally combining the two).

And from that point, call out to Lilith again - but I think she’ll already be there long before you get to the void part. :wink:

Somehow, I think Lilith really cares about you. Perhaps just whispers of intuition, combined with all the info you gave. :thinking:

Good luck. :slight_smile:

P.S If you’re able to, before you begin calling out to Lilith with all your emotion, it would be good if you could banish (LBRP or sword banishing) and raise energy (middle pillar, or EA’s calling magickal power… or both) in you. You can easily do it without, but always helps.

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Thanks for your advices guys. I guess my own pride is also tying me to this situation. I can’t help but want to crush him. Like, wanting to see him crawl on the floor to me or something similar :thinking: :joy:

I did what you recommended @anon20147451, gave me peace for the day and I could feel the familiar sensation of Lilith’s warmth on my skin. It was very light but appeasing. I’m quite relieved to have her still by my side, her presence and teaching bring me many joys.

Now I’ll try to raise above this. Thanks again for your advices :slight_smile:

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