Hello. I seriously need an answer to this question. First and foremost, some background info: I have OCD, and it manifests itself in counter-phobic ways, meaning that I expose myself to my fears to achieve temporary relief rather than avoid them. Over a week ago, I bought S. Ben Qayin’s Book of Smokeless Fire from Purse, a website that accepts Bitcoin. I bought it because I was looking into Djinn magick. Anyway, when I purchased it, I forgot to heed the warning that the Djinn in the book were exclusively for baneful magick. Knowing that Bitcoin transactions are irreversible, I just let it ship to my house. When I finally got it, I flipped through its pages and got to the section dealing with the Infernal Djinn. Then I had an obsessive-compulsive urge to recite each spirit’s name aloud, which I followed through on.
In short, nothing happened. No materialization, no poltergeist activity, no trance, nothing. I had absolutely zero intention to summon these beings. When the weekend rolled around, I got scared that I opened a door that couldn’t be closed for these spirits to make my life a living hell for reciting their names. So I contacted S. Ben Qayin through his website, and he told me that saying spirits’ names aloud does bring them closer to you, and he advised to not do it again. Terrified, I ripped the book into 3 pieces and through it in the garbage. For a bit, that calmed me down. But then I rewatched E.A. Koetting’s video on sigil magick, and in it, he said that drawing a spirit’s sigil in your personal grimoire opens a gateway to that spirit that can’t be closed unless you either rip the page out and burn it, or burn the whole grimoire. Drawing a parallel between that aphorism and my experience, I started having the obsession that if my ripped up copy of the book would just be tossed in a landfill, and that these spirits will forever be with me just waiting for me to open my magickal vision so they can destroy my life. So I dug the grimoire out of my trash can before the trash was picked up yesterday. Then I spent the past two days gathering supplies so I could burn the grimoire.
Nothing has happened to me paranormally at all yet. But I can’t shake the fear that I just permanently screwed myself over in reciting these names aloud. I had zero intention of summoning them or calling them, but a wave of anxiety came over me that I chose to quell by reciting these names. Did I open a door that can never be closed no matter what I do? Are these spirits just waiting for the right time to destroy me? Would burning the grimoire be useless? Is my anxiety just because of my OCD, or is it justified, or worse yet, is it the Djinn? If anyone can answer, I’d very much appreciate it. Thank you all for your time, and sorry I got rambly.