I have been into the occult for the past nine years of my life but I hit a brick wall. I have gotten a mental block ever since my ex broke up with me and people have been harassing me because I am trans. I used to believe in it strongly but I having doubt due to the lack of good things in life, what are some good books to read about this and where can I find it?
It doesnt sound like you lack belief necessarily. It sounds more like the circumstances surrounding your practices have changed and you have not adapted to that. With a break up and the new added harassment it is easy to lose spirit about your own personal power. In fact with those influences around you it is easy to see how one could lose sight of their anchor or rock. It sounds like that there needs to be more self-work done from the perspective of the magus. Is this lack of belief due to the environmental stress? (You even seen to admit that yourself in your OP)
You should remind yourself, magick, is not a belief system necessarily. At least not how I picture it. Magick does not run on high hopes and white light, it runs on principles of the universe that can be influenced by mankind. If you have been practicing for nine years, holy smokes, the best resource to look to for support to your ‘belief’ is YOU. Reread your Book of Shadows, or Magick Journal, or what have you. Reflect on your journey and the magick that you have done. Remind yourself of your inner divinity that you have had the pleasure to unleash and discover over your journey. Remind yourself that you are not a victim of circumstance, as a magician you can and will overcome.
Meditate on your journey and do some inner work. Reflect on your goals and values. Why are you in the occult? Has that changed over the years? Maybe do a journey and try to discover the root of this brick wall that you have hit!
You can say that this advice is easy to give as an outsider looking in, and it might be true, but right now it seems that you have gotten lost and need to return to yourself and realign yourself with your purpose (or at the very least shift perspectives).
I dont have any book recommendations. Im not good with self-help books. Sorry!
My family are Christians and think I bring demons into the house via magic. They hate me and have hinder me at every path.
Just be you, wonderful unique amazing one of a kind irreplaceable you.
Start small, attract a parking space, a word, song on the radio etc. Do a ritual to celebrate yourself and banish the trolls of self doubt.
I applaud anyone who has had the incredible courage to become the person they need to be. It’s not to be ridiculed, vilified or minimised - it’s to be celebrated.
That sweet person is the ultimate power of your belief, you have become the most authentic you possible.
I recommend pathworking through a couple of dark goddesses, they’ll remedy the situation in your life with a fierceness you can’t imagine and they’ll help you bring your confidence back
I would love to hear more about this
I’m so sorry to hear this. Family is supposed to be sacred. It is the most difficult source of poison to handle for your personal well being. Sometimes family is not sacred. Stand up to them, literally, this is me, get over it and accept it or kick rocks. That is the time to show them you are confident in yourself, can handle yourself, and you won’t accept being made to feel shitty in any kind of way.
Instead, they shoehorn me into what they want me to be a christian CIS white male who is either an IT technician, a teacher or a lecturer. I just can’t anymore. They try to control everything I do. My mother tried to prevent me from doing DND years ago.
My boyfriend’s mom tried the same mess with him. He got it through to her years ago that it was pointless for her to badger him with her control attempts.
It’s a two way street. You are not pressuring them into accepting demons as their spirit guides, so likewise it is acceptable for you to expect the same courtesy .
Your love and courtesy is there. Your family needs to evaluate their own for you.
Create stability for your own solidarity. Create healthy boundaries. Enforce them. If they shine their ass at you. Tell them, I’m not tolerating this conversation, and leave or end it. If they want your company and connection, they will stop bullying you
If you are younger, this simply means thorough planning for your solid smooth exit at age 18. My best friend worked two jobs and kept straight A’s in high school to stay out of her house. She bought her own car and got her own student loan with the money she saved and smoothly exited completely prepared as soon as she turned 18.
I’m age 25. My parents would simply try to demoralise me and try to scare me out of moving out of home. Nothing was ever good enough for them.
I entered the magic scene at a time of great doubt. I attribute many things to my stay (even during a long break) but I don’t think I’d be here without Chaos magic. It sounds kind of “spooky” but the whole point of Chaos magic is that you find what works for yourself. Belief is a tool; it’s only a thin layer of a person and doesn’t manifest in the deepest parts of what a person is. You don’t NEED belief to practice magic, so long as you get a result. (So yes, you can read books connected to Chaos magic to help you gain trust in magic again).
I’m not really a self-help book reader (almost ironically) however I found the unorthodox “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson quite thought-provoking. And the Satanic Bible by Anton S. LaVey is surprisingly deep and reads a lot like a self-help book (mostly in the Book of Lucifer section). Both sell for rather cheap off Amazon. But those two books are the ones I thought were worth keeping, it may or may not be the same for you.
Erm you can do those jobs and be you! If that’s what you want to be. If it’s not, say you signed up for that and do something else.
Parents sometimes have a hell of a lot to answer for in the name of love.
Just accept your beautiful daughter, you silly silly selfish people.
If you were my child I’d be so happy that you’d found peace in your identity, but I’d be sad that I wasn’t able to give you what you’d wanted from before birth so you wouldn’t need to go through all this.