Three years ago my life turned upside down. I didn’t ask to go down this road. I’m really not complaing, just processing. I lost it all. Everything. I feel like the “box” the world handed me in life, that I held on to with all my strength, was ripped outta my hands…and something pushed me over the edge. Doors I never dreamed of existing seemed to start opening up in spite of my belief system. January 2018, till June 2nd 2019 was litteraly HELL. In a real sense. A state of mind, I’m told, I created if you will. I have had MANY spiritual experiences over these past few years that I cant explain!!! I’ve always been spiritually sensitive so to speak… My belief system has been challenged and TORN apart!!!
Here are just a few Examples…last year sometime, I just knew I wasn’t alone, I could feel it…I asked who was there with me. I was isolated in a room by myself… I heard a female voice say Lilith…I really heard her!!! Abaddon is a name that came to me outta nowhere…never new about or heard that name in my life anywhere…Beelzebub is another name that came to my mind one day last year and I became obsessed with him…that lead me here, in August 2019. I have looked into the things, and the Names, I’ve been given, on this site, and I find out I’m not crazy. Its all REAL, and seemingly nothing like I was ever programmed and taught to believe!!! Its been months since I’ve been on this site…because I knew I was going to hell, just for going through what I went through…looking into it all, and for being curious. Contempt prior to investigation So to speak. So I backed off. Decided to leave it alone. It was all too much.
Last week I felt drawn to come back…by Lucifer…I believe. I know it was Him!!! I dont know how I know that, but I just do. I had a breif moment of deep communication with him…(not sure how I know that…but I DO). He in turn impressed upon me the name Azazel. Never heard that name in my life…I look into it on here…and He’s real!!! I’m low key freaking out, but feel a deep sense of some sort of spiritual awakening taking place…also, a deeper sense of what the Truth really is…(or I’m being manipulated and fucked with)
I spent my whole life believing I lived in the “Truth”, and thinking I knew the “Truth”?!?! I feel like I’m being turned inside out…or right side in…if that makes sense. I dont know what to do. I don’t know where to start. I’m afraid. Terrified at times. I don’t wanna go down this road the wrong way. I can really see how ignorant and arrogant I have been my whole life. All I want is the fucking truth. Good, bad or indifferent (and that scares me too).
This has been my journey to you all over the past two years in a nutshell. What do I do? Am I screwed? Am I wrong? How can someone like me belong? How do I move forward? Why choose me…like REALLY…WHY?