TL;DR (SHORT VERSION)
Was independent before marriage.
Marriage killed my independence and destroyed my life.
Did a money ritual with bune, but was encouraged to work with Lilith.
Was too afraid of Lilith.
Was forced to separate from husband and found a casual partner.
It went left really badly. He became a stalker.
I connected with many aspects of Lilith for empowerment and protection.
Stalker ended up leading the path towards many predatory allies that prey on women.
My rituals were guided towards elimination of many targets and focused on sick individuals who need to be destroyed.
My ex and the stalker have undergone ego deaths and lifestyle changes that have destroyed each of them in different ways.
I feel called into sensual empowerment and dark rituals that target predators.
I would like some insight, readings and channelings from this who know Lilith and work with her personally.
LONG VERSION
Ok, there is A LOT to unpack here, but I am going to TRY to keep this as simple as possible. I’ve always been fiercely independent, but that independence was shattered after I got married. My relationship ended up being extremely toxic with debilitating co dependent energy bubbling over. My ex and I are still on good terms, but we are working through major issues (MOSTLY HIS) and it continues to stifle my progress as an individual!!
Years ago, I made a pact with bune to increase my personal income. I was tired of everything always coming from my husband, it was a situation of financial control and abuse and I wanted my freedom. This ritual led to me ultimately being separated from my husband and thrusted out of the marital environment then placed with family, and I started rebuilding my life and making my own money.
Turns out that Bune seemed to be working with Lilith. It felt as if my personal income would only grow if I focused on freeing myself from this marriage, which made total sense. I was getting more impressions that I should perhaps work with Lilith to fully embrace divorce and leave this marriage altogether. But I was afraid she would be too harsh and leave my husband bruised and battered (because he was abusive and neglectful) and I didn’t want that for him. I just wanted my freedom.
As it turns out, my life is in complete shambles at the moment and honestly, it’s due to the trauma and dysfunction of my husband. His childhood wounds have reared their ugly head in ways that have brought devastation into our lives. One MAJOR issue is the stalker that I picked up after separating from my husband.
This man ended up wanting more than I could offer (relationship wise) and decided to turn his rage and wrath onto my ex husband and then eventually he turned it onto me. Long story short with that… when I realized this man was unhinged, I was handling him in a way that would eventually remove him without true injury in our lives, but my husband reacted in a way (due to his trauma) that turned everything to a full blown war!
Crazy thing is, I have found myself working with aspects of Lilith to deal with this issue and over the past 3 years, these men (both highly traumatized as children and toxic due to their trauma) have been essentially waring with each and ultimately destroying themselves as I ascend out of the situation by connecting more deeply with spirit.
My ex has suffered a massive ego death throughout this process and is fully coming to terms that he has much more healing to do if he wants to have the chance to love someone properly. My stalker is basically dying! He chose to ignore the path of healing and continues to double down with his toxic and dangerous ways and I am getting more and more confirmation that he and his circle of allies who have been threatening harm towards me are slowly but SURELY being neutralized and/or destroyed.
What started as a series of protection and banishing spells against the stalker has turned into a full blown spiritual war that led to me making connection with qalilitu to lay waste to this man and his nest of sick associates and allies that do very bad things to women (which I didn’t know when dealing with him, but was revealed to me over time).
I can’t help but to feel like this is some sort of initiation/lesson from Lilith or a call to work with her. I was so afraid to actually connect and bond with her years ago because I didn’t want my ex to be ripped out of my life, but here I am years later with experience after experience that continue to force him into deep shadow work, while pushing me into deeper spiritual work and seemingly also destroying a “nest” of individuals who sexually prey on women.
In my last deep meditation with qalilitu she gave me visions of the spider goddess after I asked her how I can defeat my enemies. Over the past 6 months, I have called to Lilith, Eisheth, namah, agrat, qualitu and qulielfi for various empowerments to aid me in this stressful time and they have all shown up in their own way.
To top it all off, I am told that I am enchanting, alluring, gorgeous, sexy, a milf, beautiful and intimidating by people all the time, lol…I find it flattering, but also a bit odd that in addition to men, women and even my kids’ friends see me in such a light, while internally, I simply feel like a homely nurturer who has a spiritual calling to heal, nurture and protect people.
I’m starting to wonder if this current trial in my life is a harsh call from Lilith to raise more of my inner dark energy and embrace true sensual power and introduce me to a potential path of not only healing those who are victims of sexual abuse and other types of abuse, but also eliminating the predators who target these victims to begin with.
Its so odd, but my sensual energy is rising and I am getting ideas of taking up sensual dance lessons and explore dating without limitations and doing sex Magick with multiple partners, even tho I have been abstinent for the past 2 years!! I have been dead set on just trying to heal myself and work on myself quietly and independently, but it feels like I am being pulled out of this hermit mode and forced out into the world as a sex Magick priestess or something, lol.
For any of you who work with Lilith, can you give me a little insight? Could all this be a call from her? Some sort of initiation into some specific work with her? Can any of you maybe ask her about this? I will def try to connect directly with her, but I must admit, something about her energy makes me feel that I will turn into a stone cold bitch when it comes to dealing with the ex. We have children and family in common so I would rather not be that way towards him, but maybe it’s unavoidable. Idk…
