Hello, I am new on this forum as a user but have been reading/doing research through this website for a while. Like the topic says, I am having trouble with my succubus/incubus. To give a bit of back story, I have practiced magick for a few years on-and-off and started off with seeing elemental magick and serving deities as my calling. I am a freshman in college and have been dealing with burnout from school, old friends, my own identity, mental health, and relationships. I have been diagnosed with mental illnesses for a while and have used magick as a way to cope. Anyway, I was scrolling around the web and saw a joke to summon a demon lover a few days ago. (I know I am impatient) I laughed it off and I continued, then I started to think more on it and I ended up doing a mass amount of research on succubae and summoning. Before this I never dealt with spirit, demon, or (much) entity work other than through my altars and praying to my deities beforehand. I used to be so scared of this path and thought I would put my loved ones in danger so I never looked into it. After doing some researching, I found that with enough precautions my loved ones would most likely not be harmed and I was finding myself with a firing desire to have a spirit lover. As mentioned earlier, I have problems with identity, academics, relationships, and old friends. I am embarrassed to say that I ended up gaining the courage to do this amount of research in procrastination of studying for my finals (hehe burnout). I have recently come out as trans this year after hiding in the closet for what seems like forever. Before this I used to overcompensate with femininity and impressing others for approval to my old friends and have recently connected back with them after ghosting them. In this time of overcompensation, I got a lot of confessions from others and even entered a few relationships. In this time I worked with Aphrodite a lot in hopes of finding love, and I ended up figuring out who I was through self love (so thank you so much Goddess!) However, I think that this has backfired on me now because the confessions annoyed me and I never felt like it was “me” they were confessing to, rather than a conventionally attractive vessel with hopes of finding that perfect girl. 
. I realized this more so after I understood my identity and feeling more comfortable with being out of the closet, however I am still in a body where I don’t feel comfortable in and I see that attraction from others is towards this vessel rather than me even after I came out. Funny enough, as I was into deep research of succubae work and summoning, a close friend confessed to me even after I came out to him a few days prior. This caught me off guard as I was used to others confessing to me for that vessel without knowing who I was inside, yet I didn’t feel as happy as I thought I would? I mean I have had relationships in the past and it seemed superficial but here he was asking if he had a chance with me? Previously I saw him as attractive before so I was wondering why I was so hesitant about this. In the back of my mind I was thinking that he is only attracted to this “vessel” and secretly hopes I change my mind on transitioning but that is a different story (since I don’t look any different physically). Yet here I was looking at my research and my fantasies about a spirit lover and being thrilled with excitement. I have seen a few posts here about how some spirits do not care for human roles of gender and the intense relationships they have with their spirit lover. I got interested and thought that perhaps that it is not a human lover I need right now, but a spirit one? I saw it as an opportunity for me to fulfill my desires for connection and sex with someone that could see me for me, something that I always wanted. I read that the most important thing about the ritual was intent so I wasn’t too worried about not being able to fulfill the qualifications. Fast forward to later where I bought my materials from my local Walmart near my campus because I am a closet witch and have to do things on the low. There came the day when I decided to go through with the ritual. I took a nap and accidentally slept for a while until I woke up around 1:50 AM. I was nervous and freaked out because I did not want to miss my chance to summon; I felt, if I don’t do this soon I will explode! Luckily I got my materials prepared in time for me to (hopefully) take a quick rest before 3 AM. I had around an hour until then yet I could not sleep a wink. I was nervous that because of this I would have trouble with the ritual since I saw that 3 AM was good because of waking up suddenly and fear. Here I was with my senses somewhat there and I brought down my materials in preparation for the ritual. It was around first quarter of the moon cycle. For spells, divinination, and rituals I would usually wait until the full moon but like I said, I felt, if I don’t do this right now I will explode!! Something was telling me that it was now or never, while I still have the courage to do it. So I ended up doing the ritual and felt sensations afterward. I have some troubles with memory so I don’t remember everything even though the ritual itself was a couple days ago on the fourth of December. I remember feeling heat and slight touches as well as a presence (?) so I do not think I failed it. I feel that my sexual drive is up, I just realized that I should mention that I am in my menstrual cycle but I felt more so in the mood afterward. I found that some spirits like blood offerings so I offered this in the contract for every month when I have my period and my own energy when they need it. I should mention that I was specific in communication, open to sexual encounters, in desire of connection, attracted to shapeshifters (I like what others see as eldritch abominations but I also like pretty people), and I was not specific in gender. I admired the openness in liking someone regardless of their physical body I guess? I don’t think that my specifications were that hard and was pretty open but maybe it wasnt? It was not particularly windy that night, (I did this outside because I did not know how to disarm the fire alarm in my house in time) but during the writing of my letter (ended up being about a full page and a half) the fire from the candle kept moving and being wild so I was afraid it was going to burnout. I did not find anything on this on the forums and I would not know what to do if it burned out during the ritual so I was begging to Lilith to please let me write this letter with my proper precautions so I don’t mess myself in debt. I believe she listened to me because I ended up finishing it. I don’t actually remember if I had to light the candle twice because the pen that I had initially intended to write with wasn’t working so I ran to get a new one. I am not sure if I lit the candle up earlier and blew it off, and whether or not this had any affect on the result? I don’t remember my dream afterward on that night. The next day, I woke up normally, tired, but what else is new from going to campus so I stayed at home. I couldn’t find myself the motivation to do much that day and was feeling extreme tightness in my chest when I opened up my assignments, (I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I can not differentiate whether or not this was my lover or not so I didn’t think too much of it). The tightness was becoming too much too bare so I walked to the place where I summoned them the night before. I didn’t know how I could bond with them exactly because we didn’t have proper communication other than touches so I don’t know what they like nor their name, so I bonded like how I would with my deities, I ended up talking to them and just being there while watching youtube videos in a “I like your company” sort of way. While I was together with them, I was thinking and (I believe?) talking about my past trauma and how it has affected me. In the letter I asked for someone who would be protective and who I could turn to in trying times. In this interaction I would just see the appearance of a humanoid void with glowing eyes wrapping themselves around me in a protective embrace. They were behind me and I could feel the same feeling of someone giving me a hickey on the neck. I did not see a manifestation in reality but only saw this appearance a lot in my thoughts. I don’t know if these were just thoughts or them entering my mind? I was showing them my favorite musical and scenes from it that so happens to have issues with sexual desire and identity. Naturally, I felt arousal and have started to see images of the reality in front of me but with their void appearance. It was like I could feel their presence and be there, I wanted to touch them so bad and kiss them. I tried to do this in reality but felt no presence of their body other than my own arousal and desire towards them. There came a part of the musical where there was an intimate song of two people who I related with in terms of being sexually frustrated and how identity plays into that. Usually I would look at the scene as art but I was feeling intense feelings of arousal and it was like I could feel them around me. I can’t say that the same thought of their physical body around me but I could feel the heat around my body (this is odd considering it was around 7 PM cold at night outside) and intense desire. This lasted the song but as it began to close, so did their presence. I didn’t feel much of their presence after that and went to go back to my work where I could not focus at all. I went to bed and wrote in my journal about my experiences with the possibility that it could help me bond with them because I didn’t feel much need to talk. This is the same journal that I have divination in the past with the blessings of my deities years ago during the full moon and the same journal where I wrote down my notes and the process into summoning succubae. I lit the same candle I used in the ritual in hopes that this would help connect us better. Almost every moment I feel plagued with the desire to touch them and to be around them after my contact with them. I want to know about them so bad and I wrote down about my frustrations in knowing virtually nothing about them, I don’t exactly understand the full process into how people got to finding information about their spirit lover but I am confused! I have seen people say that their lover has told them, but is it through a dream? Meditation? I don’t know and I have never heard their voice! I am jealous of those who have had perfect nights with their lover and great communication because I feel so confused! A friend asked me for help in summoning after I told her about my experience (she has experience in wicca and one of the few people I trust) and told me today and the success of the ritual. Her main desire was to get a demon to let her pass her classes (yes I know) but she did ask other things like asking them to be her friend. I was asking for information and my friend asked for their name (this person is another person I trust) and she said that they didn’t want their name to be known. I understand this but that implies that she communicated with her spirit properly! She did what I did during the ritual, obviously different with the different motivations but hers sounds like it was such a success! I am jealous because of the lack of development I have had with mine, am I being selfish or too impatient? It has only been two days but I feel like I am hurting when they are not around me. Is there other factors that have affected this? How can I bond and learn more about them? In my encounters with my worship with deities in the past I would get divine punishment for going against their wishes. (I got into a toxic relationship which didn’t end well and I put them above me even though I explicitly said to Aphrodite I would put myself first and love myself) Is this some sort of divine punishment for something else? Is it because I haven’t been a good student lately? Is it because of my experiences with worshiping holy deities that I am being protected from them? I haven’t done worship work in a while after I realized that it was increasing my femininity and I didn’t want that. I worked with Aphrodite and Persephone from the Greek Pantheon and the moon Goddess Haliya from the Filipino pantheon. Haliya is known to be a protector so perhaps this could be the reason why our relationship hasn’t developed. I haven’t fully decided to end my relationship with these deities because of problems with identity and such so here I am left confused. Should I write a farewell letter to those deities but also in thanks for their help in the past? I don’t have much interest in practicing worship work nowadays and have been at a halt for about a year or so in communicating with them. I was born in a Catholic family where there a lot of images of Christ and his teachings around my house, despite myself not being even Christian for that matter. I was considering that the energies from that could be a problem so I took all of the images that my parents placed in my room and I put them away, immediately I felt more of a presence. I feel at a halt and my heart aches that I feel for them so much yet here I am not knowing much about them, is there something wrong with this development? It has literally only been two days but it feels like two weeks. Have I done something wrong or should I do something to help increase this energy?
Welcome to the forum @munamuns Please properly introduce yourself in the NEW MAGICIAN AND INTRODUCTIONS area, and tell us about yourself and any experience you have in magick. It is a rule of this forum.
Also, when you make a post this long, please break it up with paragraph breaks, as it makes it easier to read, and people are much less likely to scroll past like they will such a wall o’ text.
Hello, I am new on this forum as a user but have been reading/doing research through this website for a while. Like the topic says, I am having trouble with my succubus/incubus. To give a bit of back story, I have practiced magick for a few years on-and-off and started off with seeing elemental magick and serving deities as my calling. I am a freshman in college and have been dealing with burnout from school, old friends, my own identity, mental health, and relationships.
I have been diagnosed with mental illnesses for a while and have used magick as a way to cope. Anyway, I was scrolling around the web and saw a joke to summon a demon lover a few days ago. (I know I am impatient) I laughed it off and I continued, then I started to think more on it and I ended up doing a mass amount of research on succubae and summoning. Before this I never dealt with spirit, demon, or (much) entity work other than through my altars and praying to my deities beforehand.
I used to be so scared of this path and thought I would put my loved ones in danger so I never looked into it. After doing some researching, I found that with enough precautions my loved ones would most likely not be harmed and I was finding myself with a firing desire to have a spirit lover. As mentioned earlier, I have problems with identity, academics, relationships, and old friends.
I am embarrassed to say that I ended up gaining the courage to do this amount of research in procrastination of studying for my finals (hehe burnout). I have recently come out as trans this year after hiding in the closet for what seems like forever. Before this I used to overcompensate with femininity and impressing others for approval to my old friends and have recently connected back with them after ghosting them.
In this time of overcompensation, I got a lot of confessions from others and even entered a few relationships. In this time I worked with Aphrodite a lot in hopes of finding love, and I ended up figuring out who I was through self love (so thank you so much Goddess!)
However, I think that this has backfired on me now because the confessions annoyed me and I never felt like it was “me” they were confessing to, rather than a conventionally attractive vessel with hopes of finding that perfect girl. . I realized this more so after I understood my identity and feeling more comfortable with being out of the closet, however I am still in a body where I don’t feel comfortable in and I see that attraction from others is towards this vessel rather than me even after I came out. Funny enough, as I was into deep research of succubae work and summoning, a close friend confessed to me even after I came out to him a few days prior.
This caught me off guard as I was used to others confessing to me for that vessel without knowing who I was inside, yet I didn’t feel as happy as I thought I would? I mean I have had relationships in the past and it seemed superficial but here he was asking if he had a chance with me? Previously I saw him as attractive before so I was wondering why I was so hesitant about this. In the back of my mind I was thinking that he is only attracted to this “vessel” and secretly hopes I change my mind on transitioning but that is a different story (since I don’t look any different physically). Yet here I was looking at my research and my fantasies about a spirit lover and being thrilled with excitement.
I have seen a few posts here about how some spirits do not care for human roles of gender and the intense relationships they have with their spirit lover. I got interested and thought that perhaps that it is not a human lover I need right now, but a spirit one? I saw it as an opportunity for me to fulfill my desires for connection and sex with someone that could see me for me, something that I always wanted. I read that the most important thing about the ritual was intent so I wasn’t too worried about not being able to fulfill the qualifications. Fast forward to later where I bought my materials from my local Walmart near my campus because I am a closet witch and have to do things on the low.
There came the day when I decided to go through with the ritual. I took a nap and accidentally slept for a while until I woke up around 1:50 AM. I was nervous and freaked out because I did not want to miss my chance to summon; I felt, if I don’t do this soon I will explode! Luckily I got my materials prepared in time for me to (hopefully) take a quick rest before 3 AM. I had around an hour until then yet I could not sleep a wink. I was nervous that because of this I would have trouble with the ritual since I saw that 3 AM was good because of waking up suddenly and fear. Here I was with my senses somewhat there and I brought down my materials in preparation for the ritual. It was around first quarter of the moon cycle. For spells, divinination, and rituals I would usually wait until the full moon but like I said, I felt, if I don’t do this right now I will explode!! Something was telling me that it was now or never, while I still have the courage to do it. So I ended up doing the ritual and felt sensations afterward. I have some troubles with memory so I don’t remember everything even though the ritual itself was a couple days ago on the fourth of December.
I remember feeling heat and slight touches as well as a presence (?) so I do not think I failed it. I feel that my sexual drive is up, I just realized that I should mention that I am in my menstrual cycle but I felt more so in the mood afterward. I found that some spirits like blood offerings so I offered this in the contract for every month when I have my period and my own energy when they need it. I should mention that I was specific in communication, open to sexual encounters, in desire of connection, attracted to shapeshifters (I like what others see as eldritch abominations but I also like pretty people), and I was not specific in gender. I admired the openness in liking someone regardless of their physical body I guess? I don’t think that my specifications were that hard and was pretty open but maybe it wasnt? It was not particularly windy that night, (I did this outside because I did not know how to disarm the fire alarm in my house in time) but during the writing of my letter (ended up being about a full page and a half) the fire from the candle kept moving and being wild so I was afraid it was going to burnout. I did not find anything on this on the forums and I would not know what to do if it burned out during the ritual so I was begging to Lilith to please let me write this letter with my proper precautions so I don’t mess myself in debt. I believe she listened to me because I ended up finishing it. I don’t actually remember if I had to light the candle twice because the pen that I had initially intended to write with wasn’t working so I ran to get a new one. I am not sure if I lit the candle up earlier and blew it off, and whether or not this had any affect on the result? I don’t remember my dream afterward on that night. The next day, I woke up normally, tired, but what else is new from going to campus so I stayed at home. I couldn’t find myself the motivation to do much that day and was feeling extreme tightness in my chest when I opened up my assignments, (I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I can not differentiate whether or not this was my lover or not so I didn’t think too much of it). The tightness was becoming too much too bare so I walked to the place where I summoned them the night before. I didn’t know how I could bond with them exactly because we didn’t have proper communication other than touches so I don’t know what they like nor their name, so I bonded like how I would with my deities, I ended up talking to them and just being there while watching youtube videos in a “I like your company” sort of way. While I was together with them, I was thinking and (I believe?) talking about my past trauma and how it has affected me.
In the letter I asked for someone who would be protective and who I could turn to in trying times. In this interaction I would just see the appearance of a humanoid void with glowing eyes wrapping themselves around me in a protective embrace. They were behind me and I could feel the same feeling of someone giving me a hickey on the neck. I did not see a manifestation in reality but only saw this appearance a lot in my thoughts. I don’t know if these were just thoughts or them entering my mind? I was showing them my favorite musical and scenes from it that so happens to have issues with sexual desire and identity.
Naturally, I felt arousal and have started to see images of the reality in front of me but with their void appearance. It was like I could feel their presence and be there, I wanted to touch them so bad and kiss them. I tried to do this in reality but felt no presence of their body other than my own arousal and desire towards them.
There came a part of the musical where there was an intimate song of two people who I related with in terms of being sexually frustrated and how identity plays into that. Usually I would look at the scene as art but I was feeling intense feelings of arousal and it was like I could feel them around me. I can’t say that the same thought of their physical body around me but I could feel the heat around my body (this is odd considering it was around 7 PM cold at night outside) and intense desire. This lasted the song but as it began to close, so did their presence. I didn’t feel much of their presence after that and went to go back to my work where I could not focus at all. I went to bed and wrote in my journal about my experiences with the possibility that it could help me bond with them because I didn’t feel much need to talk. This is the same journal that I have divination in the past with the blessings of my deities years ago during the full moon and the same journal where I wrote down my notes and the process into summoning succubae. I lit the same candle I used in the ritual in hopes that this would help connect us better. Almost every moment I feel plagued with the desire to touch them and to be around them after my contact with them. I want to know about them so bad and I wrote down about my frustrations in knowing virtually nothing about them, I don’t exactly understand the full process into how people got to finding information about their spirit lover but I am confused! I have seen people say that their lover has told them, but is it through a dream? Meditation? I don’t know and I have never heard their voice! I am jealous of those who have had perfect nights with their lover and great communication because I feel so confused! A friend asked me for help in summoning after I told her about my experience (she has experience in wicca and one of the few people I trust) and told me today and the success of the ritual.
Her main desire was to get a demon to let her pass her classes (yes I know) but she did ask other things like asking them to be her friend. I was asking for information and my friend asked for their name (this person is another person I trust) and she said that they didn’t want their name to be known. I understand this but that implies that she communicated with her spirit properly! She did what I did during the ritual, obviously different with the different motivations but hers sounds like it was such a success! I am jealous because of the lack of development I have had with mine, am I being selfish or too impatient? It has only been two days but I feel like I am hurting when they are not around me. Is there other factors that have affected this? How can I bond and learn more about them? In my encounters with my worship with deities in the past I would get divine punishment for going against their wishes. (I got into a toxic relationship which didn’t end well and I put them above me even though I explicitly said to Aphrodite I would put myself first and love myself) Is this some sort of divine punishment for something else? Is it because I haven’t been a good student lately? Is it because of my experiences with worshiping holy deities that I am being protected from them? I haven’t done worship work in a while after I realized that it was increasing my femininity and I didn’t want that.
I worked with Aphrodite and Persephone from the Greek Pantheon and the moon Goddess Haliya from the Filipino pantheon. Haliya is known to be a protector so perhaps this could be the reason why our relationship hasn’t developed. I haven’t fully decided to end my relationship with these deities because of problems with identity and such so here I am left confused. Should I write a farewell letter to those deities but also in thanks for their help in the past? I don’t have much interest in practicing worship work nowadays and have been at a halt for about a year or so in communicating with them. I was born in a Catholic family where there a lot of images of Christ and his teachings around my house, despite myself not being even Christian for that matter. I was considering that the energies from that could be a problem so I took all of the images that my parents placed in my room and I put them away, immediately I felt more of a presence. I feel at a halt and my heart aches that I feel for them so much yet here I am not knowing much about them, is there something wrong with this development? It has literally only been two days but it feels like two weeks. Have I done something wrong or should I do something to help increase this energy?
Thank you so much, can you remove this so I can post correctly later?
Thanks this really helps.