Last night, I formally rejected my baptismal vows (I was baptized Catholic) in a ritual to devote myself more fully to the path of the occult. I renewed and strengthened my commitment to Lord Lucifer and to the spirits that have guided and assisted me thus far. Today, I felt worse than I have in months. Almost none of the things that I passed my leisure time with made me feel good anymore. I’m restless, unhappy, and listless. I have struggled with depression before I found the occult, and the symptoms of that were similar to what I feel now. I was worried that being back to school was causing me to relapse. But during my meditation, I had a revelation.
The things that I was doing for enjoyment were cheap and unhealthy. Bingeing YouTube videos. Watching pornography. Gaming. Vaping during all of it. Things that are acceptable in moderation were weighing me down because they had become the things that I put first in my life. It’s unacceptable. Lucifer once told me that to ascend, I would need to burn myself away. At the time, I thought he meant that I would have to smother the voices in my head and beat my depression and suicidal thoughts. But today made me realize the extent to which my life needs burning. Through my rejection of my vows and my commitment to Lucifer, I have been placed by him on the path I need to be on. It’s going to hurt. But it will be worth it. Hail Lucifer.