On Monday I had a sort of silent panic attack. I then snapped at my family. It’s spring break and I have no job, no school, and where as many would call it paradise I call it hell cause I’m all alone.
I don’t feel like hurting myself or others but I feel like I’m fading. I’m in a state of purgatory due to moving in the summer. I’m anxious for growth and moving forward. But it’s like my life is all about fear and anxiety.
I’ve been told belial can help me with shadow work. I have chants of belial beside me. Should I work the pathworkings or wait till I feel more stable.
You could try the pathworkings, waiting until you feel like doing a thing is a mug’s game. It’s like saying “I’m so weak and feeble I have to wait until every condition is cheering me on and giving big green lights before I deign to stir myself and do something, because I shouldn’t have to handle any kind of opposition or doubt or discomfort. Because I’m a big fucking princess. WHEEEE!”
Get over yourself, in the non-snark meaning of that.
Stable, if you’re eating right and going out the house and doing something healthy, like digging the garden or repairing a vehicle, that helps.
Also, check you’re not spending too much time online, specifically on your phone, that’s a mental maze to get lost in.
Also, “do the work of worrying” - that means all the things you’re anxious about, do a huge brain dump into a notepad or a word processing document, work out the worst possible case scenarios and try to come up with things you could do it if came to that,.
It chases the nibbling rats of madness right out of your head with a broom, once you nail down worries as concrete lists and come up with actions for each one.
It’s up to you: specify you need support, not pushing until you break, and balance with less phone/internet, more healthy physical work.
People come to demons all “I’ll do whatever it takes” and most don’t mean it. Demonic pathworking isn’t a waterslifde where you can’t slow things down, or take a break.
And I recommended getting out and doing physcial work because social media networking and news are never “done” whereas a task like mowing the lawn or repairing a vehicle is. Our minds crave “done,” especially if there’s any trauma or depression.
That is why games are so addictive, they give you a fake sense of “doneness” and unlike the laundry or cleaning that is undone by someone five minutes later. I also find book reading to be addictive because it also gives me that fake sense of being “done.” I even read terrible books.