Before you read this it’s a bit long, so actually be willing to read this at a time you’re either not doing anything or looking for answers. Didn’t type this for no reason.
It was mid October, I was 15 years old and had already started to get very serious into Left Hand Path philosophies. I was searching for a way to access personal power of some sort, something that didn’t have to be asked of to use, but also a nudge to let me know I didn’t need anything outside myself to practice, not even “infernal” spirits. Thankfully, with just being open to reaching out, I stumbled upon not just a concept, but a living force to tap into, the black flame.
Given to Raven Star by The Watcher Azazel, a mantra/chant “Natz Fehr Ata Infernum Negra”, to make one aware of just how much power resides in them, their power alone, the inner black flame. Immediately I was pulled and had already started to develope a small ritual to do this. I laid down on my bed, facing up, breathing in and breathing out. Envisioning a tiny black flame at the center of my core. With each breath I pulled in life force and each exhale I let the flame absorb it, slowly but surely making it bigger.
At first I only felt a sensation of both heat yet chilled sensations rising up from my toes all the way to my calves, slowly tapering off. Now comes the juicy part. Before going to sleep, I chanted Azazels enn and prayed to have him help gain access to my black flame. After going to sleep, I was in this state, I could’ve sworn I was awake, talking, but no, a few minutes later I realized I was speaking in my head. I was awake, laying on my side but couldn’t move my body, everything was exactly how it was, the energy in the room shifted, felt denser and even a bit strange. After looking around for a bit, I had this urge to chant the mantra, knowing this was the moment everything would change.
With just a single syllable, not even the whole chant, reciting it in my head, my entire body felt this incredibly enormous rush and surge of energy, of power, this heated force, not coming from the outside I’ve experienced when evoking entities, but instead from within my body, so much so my body started to spasm as if I was having seizure, coupled with this were these eerie and horrifying images running through my minds eye, it was so intense I tried to calm myself down, but let the power I felt was greater, and slowly passed out.
Waking up the next morning, shocked it worked, the only damn thing I could think of was to do it again. Stupid? Maybe, but at the time and still today I saw myself as brave and willing. This scary but incredible experience just happened, no way in hell am I going to run away from this, no matter how intense it was. That night I tried it again, just the chant, no asking for anything to aid me, though it was weaker, I felt my body have a surge of what felt like electricity rushing through my body in the middle of the night. When I woke up I chose to do it again, still chasing that same feeling. Nothing happened that night, until I woke up.
Between 6 - 7 (no pun intended) in the morning, I was yet again in this state of sleep paralysis, I was awake but couldn’t move. I look over at the end of my room, and standing next to the door in the center of the bedroom was this jet black figure staring at me. Appeared similar to what the kkk would wear, but just pitch black, no eyes, no arms, like a walking cloak blending into a sharp point aiming at the roof. It slowly started to walk up to me, I could feel its dense and dark energy, this otherworldly being. I’m not gonna lie it scared the hell out of me.
I still to this day cringe at the fact that I actually thought I could shoot black flames if I chanted the mantra and burn it, obviously it didn’t work…you can make fun of me if you want that was so dumb. Laying at the edge of my bed, it slowly walked up to me, like floating from the floor and just got bigger. it just stood there beside me, staring, slowly twisting its head as if it was curious or observing. I closed my eyes and try to fall back to sleep.
To this day I still don’t know what that was, maybe Azazel, but I’ve also read experiences where they sometimes “summon”, lmao, or some entity just appears after reciting the chant. My mother, a shaman, close to the Azteca ceremonies, could sense something was different about me, she didn’t like it, and wanted to do a cleansing. After which she had told me that there was something “really fucking strong” attached to me. Didn’t say it was dark or evil, but strong.
Well that was my first experience, if you made it this far congratulations you have a shred of discipline. Or a lot of it was too much. Thanks for reading. Have a great day.