I am still in the process of setting up. In my meditation, I focused entirely on why I lie to myself. The reality of the answer is simple:
I lie to myself because I try so hard to make things perfect. I want perfection. As a result of this, I tell myself, that none of my works be it spiritual, creative or physical will ever be good enough. That I consistently compare myself to others is another big aspect of my self-deceit. I tell myself, “I’ll never achieve what they’ve achieved” and as a result lose myself.
As for the energy of Shax, even before I summon the marquis, it is quite intense. It feels more intense than Paimon’s energy. Maybe its because I stopped repressing Paimon many years ago that his energy is different to Shax’s.
the energy of Shax feels stern, angry even as if this part of me is looking through my eyes and refuses to be accepted into my own being. I had been pondering and thinking on Shax’s energy for some time and it reminds me of “want you gone” in Portal 2.
The Lyrics are like a duet. And Again, I have not conjured or summoned him yet
Shax: Well here we are again
Me: It’s always such a pleasure
Me:Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
Shax:Oh how we laughed and laughed
Me:Except I wasn’t laughing
Me:Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice
Shax:You want your freedom? Take it
Me:That’s what I’m counting on
Me:I used to want you dead but now I only want you gone