I evoked and made a pact with Belial yesterday. It has been the best decision I have made in a long, long time. I still feel the overwhelming pressure of his presence, and I kinda like it.
I was apprehensively excited as I prepared the ritual area. My mind was occupied with thoughts of what his test might be. I read in several places that Belial can be very harsh and likes to test the ones who call him. I was preparing for Belial to get in my face and scream/threaten me with pain and death. Instead after he appeared and calmly spoke words that shook my very being. He told me that If I walk down this path with him as my guide I could kiss my humanity away. I would have less and less in common with those around me. " walking the pathways of the gods is a lonely road, once started you can never go back. Now, are you SURE that this is what you want?" I think it was how calm and sure of what he said that shook me the most.
Though I had known that this was serious before I started the evocation, Belial’s words drove it home for me. Now Belial is around me at all times teaching and challenging me. This is how it is going to be for the remainder of our pact. Hell, I guess what I am trying to say is pacts are amazing but intense, don’t get into one unless you are ready to have a demon around you including 24/7.
Thanks for sharing this, Orismen.
That’s the main thing why I love this forum so much, the number of people sharing their experience with breaking new boundaries with magic.
How to define ones humanity? And what does it mean to lose it? And where does that lead?
Loosing humanity might be the same as saying losing the connection you have with your physical body, am i wrong ?
I do know how that feels cause that happens to me since ever and it lasts sometimes days…or even weeks…depends the location and my life there…whoever gave my mind the thought of becoming a slave did it really well and since the day that happened, i started losing my " humanity ". Nowadays if it wasn’t for my current situation, i know that i would already have no humanity left, i am getting there! But i made no deal for it And when i have none left…then i am ready to enter the deal, i made. It is not going to be because of a curse or a disease or whatsoever that i am going to stop on this deal, i know there is no going back and neither i want to go back. Being human disgusts me and it is one of the main reasons why i love so much to be a slave, my life at least my life, doesnt belong to me. If everyone loses humanity then humanity has lost. I know it will never happen because no matter people try to make magic something real and part of humankind reality, it will never happen…thus there will always be persons who are not aware of such and they will keep their humanity intact, keeping humankind alive. Even if a scarce one…
[quote=“wright, post:2, topic:1532”]Sounds good to me. frankly, having less and less in common with humanity the way it is now is a good thing. you’re not missing much
keep us posted[/quote]
Interesting…to say the least. Of course, this all depends on how one would define “humanity”. I feel more compassion for the dogs I take care of because they depend on me to feed them, love them, take them outside…they can’t do these things themselves.
Whereas the owner of these dogs is more concerned about bitching to me about her problems with her husband…take responsibility human!!! Make a decision…YOU are not a dog!!!
Ahhh…I digress and shall now get-off my proverbial kibble dog food soapbox!
@sunas slavery is not an option for me. Belial so far has started most of his communications with me as “If you are trying to become a God…” then he proceeds with his message. I am learning all about mastery, how to master myself then leading to how to master others and my environment.
@mode LOL, I prefer my dogs to most humans.
As far as my humanity, so far I am seeing it as my attachment to this materialistic world. Though that may change, only time (and my work with Belial) will tell.
I don’t look at this as losing ones humanity. What we’re doing is shedding the conditioning that’s been applied to us all our lives by our current social structure. Your not thinking less like a human your actually thinking more like a human and less like a robot or animal conditioned to think or act a certain way to a set of signals or parameters.
Humans wonder what’s out there and strive for that power and connection that they know exist but remains a mystery for many. No other creature does that, we don’t see the animals trying to transcend their physical limitations and become more.
Consumerism and the information age have left most in a constant state of unhappiness and uncertainty with little to no desire to change their circumstances and less desire to take responsibility for how things turn out. This is what we quit identifying with when we start becoming more. We just automatically assume that what the masses do is normal when in reality it’s likely the most unnatural state the species has ever been in.
Orismen, good luck with your pact and your path keep us posted.
Does this sort of constant demonic influence mean you could lose affection towards those you love like your spouse, sibling or your own child? Or are you meaning towards others in general?
@Brutus I have noticed that I have less of a filter. I (so far) have been founding normal activities less and less appealing. I want to spend more time in mediation or ritual and less on well, anything else. I am a little more critical of others actions, seeing them as foolish when previously I didn’t care or take notice.
But the non filter me has had some great conversations with my spouse. We have brought up some issues and worked (or working) on them. It has been pretty positive for us. Some of it hurts but in the long run I think it was something we needed.
It’s not that you will loose affection for your loved ones, though at the start you may feel distant from them. But as you go along, all the while distancing yourself spiritually from those around you, you will eventually learn a love and compassion for those further back on the path, and you will gain a desire to help them along as far as you can.
[quote=“Mode_439, post:5, topic:1532”]I feel more compassion for the dogs I take care of because they depend on me to feed them, love them, take them outside…they can’t do these things themselves.
Whereas the owner of these dogs is more concerned about bitching to me about her problems with her husband…take responsibility human!!! Make a decision…YOU are not a dog!!!
Ahhh…I digress and shall now get-off my proverbial kibble dog food soapbox![/quote]
well…see… dogs are honest. on the other hand, humans… well…um… yeah.
Belial burns away weakness in ones being. After evoking or gate openings I do with Belial I have noticed that part of me (the dross if you will) has been burned away. I think that I notice the weakness, now mostly absent, in others and it disgusts me. After a while I am sure I will mature and instead of being disgusted by others weakness I will be filled with a desire to help them overcome as well.
It feels like I just noticed that I am the pot calling the kettle black.
In demonolatry, Belial takes Uriel’s place as the aspect of earth. I haven’t worked much with him beyond invoking him in balancing circles, but I think earth is an apt descriptor for him, as he can be a source of great strength. It sounds like you’re growing a lot in a short period of time, and the stabilization Belial provides is helping you in this endeavor.
As far as the pot calling the kettle black, well…nothing can change if we don’t acknowledge it first, right? I think that’s a feeling most of us have or will go through. Sounds like you’re right where you should be.
[quote=“Orismen, post:13, topic:1532”]After some reflection I think Andreeje is right.
Belial burns away weakness in ones being. After evoking or gate openings I do with Belial I have noticed that part of me (the dross if you will) has been burned away. I think that I notice the weakness, now mostly absent, in others and it disgusts me. After a while I am sure I will mature and instead of being disgusted by others weakness I will be filled with a desire to help them overcome as well.
It feels like I just noticed that I am the pot calling the kettle black.[/quote]
FUCKING THIS! Thanks for posting that!
When the detachment first hits I saw the weakness is others and it was pathetic, I couldn’t understand how others can act this way or that. Their close minded ideas and how they love to carve little comfortable niches were thinking and growing are not an option, its safe there. Then it hit me that my inability to understand them was weakness in myself, I hated their weakness because I recognized my own.
I had a wise magician give me some advise recently as to compassion and helping others. It took me a while to really grasp the fullness of his words. Helping others isn’t about donations and charity and soup kitchens, its about helping people do what they can’t do for themselves, you don’t do this because it makes you all warm and fuzzy, you do it because hou have the power and ability (if you get warm and fuzzy thats ok too Doing this makes you more god like than any act of destructive magick we can ever perform. People look to higher powers to save them, to do for them what they do not have the strength and will to achieve on their own. You can kill like a god or you can answer prayers. When you become the power capable of recognizing and giving someone what they need even if they need an ass kicking to put things in perspective you have just overcome a giant hurdle on the path to godhood.
Thanks for posting this alternative perspective. It was one of those random things that hit home. I always did a lot of volunteer work and charitable things. I still do, and at times it drives me mad, especially lately, lol. Many people flock to me for help with many different things, and sometimes I feel like a “God” surrounded by a vortex of “help me’s”. Lately I have been wondering why I continue to often help others, without some type of return, and then this post gave me a eureka moment…
[quote=“Orismen, post:13, topic:1532”]I have noticed that part of me (the dross if you will) has been burned away. I think that I notice the weakness, now mostly absent, in others and it disgusts me. After a while I am sure I will mature and instead of being disgusted by others weakness I will be filled with a desire to help them overcome as well.
It feels like I just noticed that I am the pot calling the kettle black.[/quote]
That is because demons are mirrors. They find ways to show you to you and they reflect that in others. The whole point of alchemy is to purify what is within the self. If it is no longer in the self you won’t see it in the world reflected back at you either. That is why you help others; it gives you a chance to clean up your own blind spots and gets you in the habit of destroying your own bad habits, which may be exaggerated in those around you in order to help you better recognize that vibration so you can totally clear it out.
Interesting this thread flowed a diff way than I thought it would (surprise is the best, if things just happened as expected- than projection/prediction- but surprise adds beyond what could be fore-seen)… anyway- that wasn’t what I was thinking to comment:
in reference to -TWF-'s comments
Then it hit me that my inability to understand them was weakness in myself, I hated their weakness because I recognized my own.
…
its about helping people do what they can’t do for themselves, you don’t do this because it makes you all warm and fuzzy, you do it because hou have the power and ability (if you get warm and fuzzy thats ok too Doing this makes you more god like than any act of destructive magick… <<<
good stuff there- more than just hard to see, its like a direction the mind doesn’t know it can look until AHA it sees and I’m look Oh… and yet I can’t fore-see the next AHA (and thereby SelfReflection)
This reminded me of a concept I’ve been thinking about lately, I hope some might see how it relates (by what it implies) is the “fourth removed”:
ie when one is being influenced by a Tendency (and one's motivations flow a certain way) the first is to follow that (rebellion not withstanding, if the drive of "look out for self arises" following is following, even though it seems to contrast with "flow with the crowd" -thus multiple at once)
So Second being to do the opposite ~ Ie I'm not going to do XYZ, so I'll just do the reverse (not directly "following" but still a clear cause-effect response)
Then Third is going "askew" in the sense one thinks I sense XYZ, I won't do XYZ, nor will I do un-XYZ... I'll do something diferent than either. further indir, but still a clear cause-effect response.
The fourth-step removed, then giving some space to see how can one Act per Choice (while still feeling the motive-impulses as they arise and ricochet around…
really just giving the Potential to Awaken a Different-Real Mind that Sees and can Act, vs just following Triggered Programmes of Mind (if one has a complicated enough set of criteria triggering, hard to fore-see which will be triggered to drive reactions..
but that “hard to foresee” doesn’t mean it is Free Action, let alone Con.
[name meaning “worth-less one” or one without dignity or rep, outside the system, or “lacking Yoke” (without yoke ~yoga : not tied to another, root of “religious” linked to another- standing alone) -without a master, “May have no rising” (dweller in “the pit”) ~self-sovereign: The last left of those who Fell.]
I love this forum. I was honestly expecting a “cool story, bro” type of response. Instead we have had an awesome and deep conversation about humanity and what it means to transcend it.
TWF’s words about how helping others who can’t help themselves put my magical journey into a new prospective. I realized that I would be willing to literally walk through Hell (kinda what I am doing right now) for the sake of those I love. And as I am going through it I am broadening my definition of the people I love.
God, I love you guys (and gals). Thanks to you all for helping me with this.
And when i have none left…then i am ready to enter the deal, i made. It is not going to be because of a curse or a disease or whatsoever that i am going to stop on this deal, i know there is no going back and neither i want to go back. Being human disgusts me and it is one of the main reasons why i love so much to be a slave, my life at least my life, doesnt belong to me. If everyone loses humanity then humanity has lost. I know it will never happen because no matter people try to make magic something real and part of humankind reality, it will never happen…thus there will always be persons who are not aware of such and they will keep their humanity intact, keeping humankind alive. Even if a scarce one…
Doing this makes you more god like than any act of destructive magick we can ever perform. People look to higher powers to save them, to do for them what they do not have the strength and will to achieve on their own. You can kill like a god or you can answer prayers. When you become the power capable of recognizing and giving someone what they need even if they need an ass kicking to put things in perspective you have just overcome a giant hurdle on the path to godhood.
Doing this makes you more god like than any act of destructive magick… <<<