In my experience you need to understand what your own values are, what your weaknesses and strengths are (if we’re honest, they’re often two sides of the same aspect - my core intensity can be self-destructive or excellent, depending on how conscious I am of deploying it, and what direction it goes in) and so on.
Things to look for and be completely honest about are situations from, for example, your childhood that you think you “should” be over or be able to cope with now, but in reality, can’t - if you “should” yourself into trying to do things, you’ll risk pushing really hard on things that look simple on paper (or in theory) but then burning out when it becomes too hard.
There are things that sometimes undermine us on such a deep level, by happening in times or situations where we were powerless, that the moment they’re factored into any task that reminds us of them in some way, it becomes like carrying a 40lbs backpack, which most of us could do, only up a 1-in-4 gradient at 40,000 feet - the simplest task becomes harder because the background situation creates its own problems.
We all have baggage and stuff so don’t feel bad, but you need to ID yours, ringfence them as things to either be left alone or led at your pace, and work out what you really don’t have any problems with as well, and that again may not be something your everyday-world self wants to think about too much, you might for example have far less of a conscience in some matters than it suits society to pretend.
If in doubt, put in more limits than less, and then you won’t be under too much pressure and can grow into the person you wish to become whilst not having to struggle to keep up.
I’m not saying you should keep any limitations intact and dance round them like they’re sacred idols, but just make sure you’re not going to end up irrevocably broken by being given more to handle at once than your human psyche can deal with. I’ve seen this happen to people and it’s not good, not a “trial by fire” - more like getting steamrollered (and that wasn’t even with “demons”).
This is my experience anyway, and how I’ve formed pacts that have worked well - don’t worry about what the spirit ought to understand about you or what they can, just get those things down in black and white so there are no mishaps further along the line.
Other people probably have different methods, and I think if you get conflicting ideas posted (and I hope you will) you’ll know from reading them which approach sits best with you. 