I’ll do my best to exactly describe what I mean by “uncomfortable”. As a courtesy, I’ll bold up a few sentences to act as the TL;DR.
When I used to be into the New Age stuff, there was always this feeling of “light” (best word to describe it) whenever I was at the height of an experience, be that a meditation or a channeling. I assumed this is what people meant when they are at a “high vibration”. Whenever my interest in spirituality faded and I went back to being mundane, I recognized the feeling as a “low vibrational state”. I’ll refer back to these concepts later.
Now, I’m in a spot where I am still made to go to church on Sundays. Long story short, it keeps the peace in the family (I’m 22 mom gosh darn it). Anyway, whenever I go to church now I would meditate to strengthen the Black Flame within me, and somehow being in a church makes the meditation especially potent. For me the Black Flame feels quite tight and heavy around my chest and there is a burning sensation – I would liken it to anxiety, but I feel it in my chest instead of my gut. It’s also like the “low vibrational state”, but much lower, and darker.
So I’m sitting there listening to the little spiel after the gospel, and the guy’s telling a story about giving to the poor. Aww, it actually touches my heart a little.
Bad mistake.
Feelings of the Flame suddenly cease, and it’s as though my heart chakra is jumping back up to the “high vibrational state”. I was basking in the same light as before, which felt great. But I started thinking, wouldn’t it be nice to always feel this comfortable again, and, maybe I can feel more of this light in the church. I freaked out over how sudden, and how complacent and brainwash-y these thoughts were, and snapped out of it.
Ohoho. Touché demiurge, touché.
Still, it was nice getting a little break from the burning and the tightness, which quickly returned thereafter.
My point: honestly, it is pretty intense and distracting feeling this way almost 24/7. I am starting to wonder whether I should be feeling it this often (it might also be due to me wearing Azazel’s sigil all the time oops). It got me thinking:
- Are we always meant to feel that sort of physical uncomfortableness while on the path of Ascent? Where comfortable = stagnation or complacency, and uncomfortable = progress?
- Are there other “sources” of light that are both: a) not New Age, and b) won’t get me thinking dem crazy Xtian thoughts – just so I can gain some respite from the sensation?
- Or, the other route: do I just suck it up and deal with it? Should light be avoided altogether?
Just wondering what you guys think.
Edit: Oh. While posting this it just occurred to me I can always evoke Lucifer to help me out as his presence feels like light and would probably solve my issue 
. Though, I suppose calling Lucifer just to grab a dose of light isn’t exactly a good long-term solution either.
