Being clean for first time in 10 years

I just had a rapid detox done methadone, I was out for 8 hours today and still zerrowI figured clean I would sense see entities her the entities much much better, this has not been the case it’s was harder just meditating is hell like I have to get stoned to even calm down,

However I have been opiate clean for 10 days! Longest in my whole life. Hew will I start getting my senses back and what exercises to do to get back into it, I was thinking

(I’m 33) so I figured at least 33 mins of meditation a day, I would do yoga before meditation. (Anyone have some good meditation form.

Also I’m going to starts scrying again daily and sitting in an ancient graveyard when I can just to feel the death essence.

I evoked Azazel when I got home first time with no manifest I didn’t even
Feel his presence which I always get plus I can always talking into my head it’s not an inner voice it’s an external one. So anyway I’m bummed from being opiate clean yet and loosing
The gifts that I accumulated.

Veterans please give a nudge here it feels as if my soul mind and body is just out. Possible from the I was thinking my spirituality would be catapulted in the dark ands light but
.

I don’t know about the sober majick issue but I just wanted to relate to you on the fact that I’ve been a drug addict since I was 14 .

It progressed into opiate addiction when I was 18 and was ran over by a car.
The pills quickly turned into shooting heroin for 3 years and I’m now currently taking soboxone.

I’ve found another doctor that will get me off the meds in about 6 months but honestly scared of going back to my old ways.
I’ve been on soboxone for 4 years which blocks all other opiates from gettinge high.

I’ve beeneaning to do some spirit work on my addictions but can’t let go of it.
I don’t feel motivated without the drugs.

I know what youean about not being able to meditate without the drugs.

It’s hard when that has been your motivator for so long.

This post may or may not help you but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

Maybe we can start an Infernal NA support group lol.

Seriously though congrats on your sobriety!
Keep it up brother.

MK

It wasn’t because of the drugs that you got results, but it is due to quitting that you are having problems now. Just as your body adapts to the drugs being in your system, so does your energy bodies. When you quit your energy bodies and senses have to readapt to no having them; call it a healing process and a mild relearning. Give it time to work itself out, but keep working on your senses in the mean time to help it along.

I never even considered what the drugs are doing to my spiritual bodies.Thanks andreeje.I’ve been meaning to spieitualy clean myself out but like I said,it’s not that I think the drugs give me results its that I don’t feel motivated to do the work without them.
I know this is just ainor roadblock…another obstacle to obliterate but it’s a big one.Like I said I’ve been doing this since I was 14 (the drugs) and I’m now 27.
But I thank Jakob for posting this as an inspiration to finally kick the habit.

I got really good magickal results from manifestation when I was drinking a bottle of wine a day (or more - and I’m smallish, and a girl) and crying myself to sleep every night, which isn’t all that hardcore, but prooves that being straight, calm, etc., isn’t a requirement.

BUT, just as drugs fuck with your everyday life, they’ll eventually fuck with your magick, for example with me the self-hate I’d accrued made me loose what I’d gained, along with a hefty dose of lies from the RHP/white-lighter mindset, so really I don’t think it’s about if you’re clean or fucked, it’s where you place your power, and if it’s in a needle, a bottle, or some bullshit concept of “the highest good for all except me” you’re screwed.

You do NOT need that crap to do magick - you are no-one’s slave, not the gods we’re taught in churches, not anything. Just to be clear.

Left-Hand Fucking Path - no masters, no slavery, no mind-games.

https://rational.org/index.php?id=35 < this stuff pulls no punches if you’re angry at the crap in your body, and ready for recovery, and requires no “higher power” 12-step stuff, although that can also work if you want it to. Just make the higher power be your own perfected Living Godhood. Or whatever. :wink:

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Thank you LadyEva for the inspirational words.Everything I do now I’m prescribed besides drinking so I’m not spending all day searching for my next fix like I use to.
The drugs give me motivation to step into my temple andbeaise power but when I’m out of my anxiety pills I just curl up in a bottle.The soboxone I’m on I can’t run out of because if I do I go through EXTREME withdrawl which leaves me bed ridden to where I can’t do anything,mundane or majickal.This is what I’m going to a new doctor to get tapered off of.

I just want to be in a place where I don’t need the buzz for the motivation.

I actually did a working on this earlier and I’m staying positive.

I was talking more about excess. Moderation can be productive. But once you cross the line to continual excess, it’s counter productive. Or if the substance is the only way you can have an experience then it becomes a crutch. Just my view from my own experience and how it ended up for me personally. The magick is in you, not a drug or a bottle.

Well said andreeje.
If I may ask how you overcame using substances as a crutch?
I know all the power is within me not the drugs or alcohol it’s just that I’ve been dependant on these things for half my life and I want to function without them.

When a friend of mine texted me saying his girlfriend was having an emergency c-section (sp?)I was sober as a bird and jumped into action to help omy friend.
The surgery went well…one of the babies died but the other one is doing fine at 3 months premature.
The being I called upon said if the other one lived it would not lead a healthy life and was there to male the parents appreciate the other child that much more.

But my point is is that unless the situation is diar I need a buzz to do the work.

Any success stories of overcoming this would be appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

MK

One thing to remember is that if ANYONE did as much of the drugs, drink etc as you probably have, they’d get addicted, I mean lab rats are addicted in experiments and they don’t have the inner mental complexity humans have, it’s just a predictable biological fact.

I’m stating this because a lot of the mystique of “recovery” speak and also the addiction in your own mind will try and spin itself into something unique and somehow different, as though these things fill a space in your life and emotional needs that makes sense.

The fact is, addictive shit’s addictive for anyone, no matter what, and once you can see that (and see through the mythos that people out there are doing almost as much as you, and yet somehow “handling” it - because they’re NOT) then you’ll be better able to overcome that little voice further down the line that tries to get you using again in order to feel “normal.”

That Rational Recovery site, and the related book, have a lot of good home truths about how your addiction’s going to set up a campaign to get you using again, and how to handle that without needing to devote your life to recovery in depressing and disempowering ways.

There’s also a British author called Jason Vale who wrote a really good book called “Kick The Drink - Easily” and I recommend reading both of those, I mean they cost less collectively than any of the stuff you’ve been paying for to use to get a buzz - both guys are former alcoholics and have useful things to say about the lies that surround addiction, internally and culturally.

You’re going to be able to do this because it’s just a predictable biological response to various chemicals.

Muggles get addicted, happy people get addicted, really fucked up people get addicted, but all those types of people also make recoveries and stay straight: and, it has nothing to do with your magickal practice, but along the way it’s going to try and use every excuse it can about why you need to keep drinking/using shit, and trying to associate itself with every good moment of power in your life while it steadily robs your power away, because that’s just how addictions work.

You have the ability to move past it though, through a simple act of choice, and to become master of your own mind again.

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Thank you from the bottom of my heart LadyEva truly.
A lot of the things you said in that post made me feel empowered just reading them,and gave me a new outlook on my addictions and how to go about handling them.

If I could I would give you a great big hug right now.
When I finally learn to soul travel it’ll be one of the first things I do lol.

Seriously thank you.

[quote=“Musta_Krackish, post:10, topic:3270”]If I could I would give you a great big hug right now.
When I finally learn to soul travel it’ll be one of the first things I do lol.[/quote]

Better shave my legs! :o)

Seriously thanks, and those ideas are covered (with more besides) in those two books, so I don’t really deserve any credit but the guys who helped me get my own head straight on this stuff certainly do, and I highly recommend tracking them down.

You can do this, look at how you’ve persisted like a champ with your magick to get to where you are: addictions are just another barrier to break through and get to the freedoms and possibilities on the other side.

To some extent, the lies of addiction even echo those of mainstream religion - “Give your power to us because we’re the sure thing, the only solace in an uncertain world, you NEED us, you can’t exist, or be happy and at peace, without us”… there’s a lot of that stuff going round!

Yeah I’ve been to NA meetings and put myself in IOP which is a group of mostly people on probation for drug offences and charges but I went there for help.
I remember the main thing that turned me off to the NA meetings was that one of the steps was you HAVE to have a higher power.
When they went around the room asking about what every bodies higher power was my answer was always “my higher power is myself because I’m the one doing this”.

I got looked at as a freak.I had the answer to this way before I became interested in the occultbesides tAnton Lavey and Crowley but I wasn’t practicing.
The knowledge has always been inside me that the only person that can help me fix my life is me.
This is what drew me to the occult as it would become the thing to finally give me power over my own life.

Thank you for the encouragement and keep those legs shaved because I’ve been falling asleep to lucid dream tracks lately lol.

MK

get a rowing machine - 2k in the morning and 2 k evening (before meditation) to start. row bathe meditate.

Jules

Replacing an addiction (they sure do take up a LOT of space, mentally, physically, and financially) with positive stuff is always good - if it’s not a rowing machine, for you, it could be something else that takes you closer to where you want to be at.

Leaving the gap open will just invite it back in, so yeah, positive action is part of beating that would-be tyrant’s ass, IMO.

[quote=“Jakob420, post:1, topic:3270”]I just had a rapid detox done methadone, I was out for 8 hours today and still zerrowI figured clean I would sense see entities her the entities much much better, this has not been the case it’s was harder just meditating is hell like I have to get stoned to even calm down,

However I have been opiate clean for 10 days! Longest in my whole life. Hew will I start getting my senses back and what exercises to do to get back into it, I was thinking

(I’m 33) so I figured at least 33 mins of meditation a day, I would do yoga before meditation. (Anyone have some good meditation form.

Also I’m going to starts scrying again daily and sitting in an ancient graveyard when I can just to feel the death essence.

I evoked Azazel when I got home first time with no manifest I didn’t even
Feel his presence which I always get plus I can always talking into my head it’s not an inner voice it’s an external one. So anyway I’m bummed from being opiate clean yet and loosing
The gifts that I accumulated.

Veterans please give a nudge here it feels as if my soul mind and body is just out. Possible from the I was thinking my spirituality would be catapulted in the dark ands light but
.[/quote]
subutex is powerfull…it can replace easily the HUNGER…you even get the effect of the small pupil of the eye if you know what i mean

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buprenorphine

[quote=“Jakob420, post:1, topic:3270”]I evoked Azazel when I got home first time with no manifest I didn’t even feel his presence which I always get plus I can always talking into my head it’s not an inner voice it’s an external one. So anyway I’m bummed from being opiate clean yet and loosing the gifts that I accumulated.

Veterans please give a nudge here it feels as if my soul mind and body is just out. Possible from the I was thinking my spirituality would be catapulted in the dark ands light but…[/quote]

I think it is time for you to stop viewing the ability to perceive the non-physical as a gift or talent. You now have the most clear indication one can have that certain drugs shift your perception and allow certain interactions. When you stop taking them initially it feels like you’ve lost a big part of a magical world but nothing is less true. You know it’s there which is more than a lot can say. Even here on BALG many “believe” but have little first-hand experience. While you might not know how to get there without the aid of a tool I can assure you that having that first hand knowledge is much more important than knowing how to shift.

The shifting of consciousness is something that can be learned, and you are likely to have an advantage over others because you’ve been in an alternate state of consciousness so often you unconsciously know the way back, so to speak.

So in my opinion your only enemy here is depression and the lure of an easy way out. I myself used DMT to explore other modes of consciousness and felt exactly like you do now for a few months. I’ll not go into detail but I have more personal journeys and magic experiences these days than I had on DMT, so viewing such substances as temporary tools is definitely the way to go imo.

Hope that motivates a bit, good luck with the journey :slight_smile:

Computer broke so I couldn’t post here. Lots of great comments though, it’s been about 24 days endorphins are already kicking in thank god lol sounds funny, I can now meditate and scry really well better than before actually, I did an evocation of Raphael last week to heal my mind and with in the last 7 days I’ve improved 10 fold, what’s funny is every single sigil opened and every evocation wether I viewed the entity or not has come to fruition ever time 100%. So I am certain without a doubt that everything is more real than real can be. The last evocation I could hear him clearer than ever not an inner monologue but a powerful outside voice piercing my ears it shook my core I almost couldn’t get him to quit talking which was somewhat concerning, I don’t need an angel talking to me all day lol even after I dismissed him he hung around for about 30 minutes once ritual was closed, I was praying it wasn’t permanent lol he’s got,the best vibe to him though and he feels extremely warm and loving, and for some reason this time he reaked of citrus weird I. Well long story short I’m not blind spiritually like I thought had happened its slowly coming back and it’s much clearer and the clairaudience (spelling) has exploded. So in about another month I’m really going to dig in I want full brain function back first though so there is less chance of insanity. Thanks all this forum has helped me more than any book out there and I have about 50 of them.

I’ve been working with Akatasha who is one of the ancient Persian demons ref: the whole Ahriman thing and so far this shrouded whispery entity is being an amazingly astute and no-bullshit aide in stripping away the crapola in my thoughts, and generally helping me sort things out.

Because I was a terrible wino back in the day and remember the pain, I asked Akatasha for something to help bros and sisters here who are currently dealing with drink problems.

UPG here: his agenda, along with that of Ahriman (who seems like a current of the shared will of mages, to conquer mechanical probablistic forces) seems to be the furtherance of the skills and powers of black magicians.

Akatasha gave me this: visualise your Chalice - if you have several, choose the best; if you have none, visualise the perfect one. You’ll also need to to visualise it being on your Altar, either WoD style, or whatever works for you.

~~

Perform the following visualisation:

Take the Chalice in your left hand - regardless of whether you’re right-handed or not.

SPIT IN IT. Mouth spit only, don’t hawk back into your throat.

Look down for a moment at that small pearlised pool of spittle that lies self-contained at the bottom of your Chalice. Maybe move the Chalice slightly, to see it slide like an oyster within its shell.

Place the Chalice back on your Altar.

Dip the ring finger (3rd finger) of your right hand down into the spit.

Draw your wet finger round the rim of the Chalice, in an anti-clockwise direction.

Look at the Chalice again - spit nestling within, rim wetted with saliva dipped from the top of the gob of spittle.

That completes what he told me.

~~

Akatasha gave me this as a visualistion to do specifically when you get a major craving and internal “romanticisation” of the idea of drinking, after you’ve quit by using whatever recovery method you chose that’s safe and constructive.

It’s basically a concept of wetting your “desire” (the Chalice - the Dagger is your Will) with your own substance, then undoing that desire via the counter-clock motion. I’m not a doctor etc., but the stuff he’s given me personally has been so amazing I had to go get something about this topic, take it fwiw froods!